I turn around, and everything hurts. He looks great. That black hair of his is longer than the last time I saw him, and his green eyes are staring at me like he’ll never see me again.
“I was just leaving,” I tell him, snapping out of my daze.
“Wait, can we talk?”
No. We can’t, and the fact that Lucas thought he could trick me into having a conversation with Johnny makes me want to do it even less.
That was a dick move.
“Please, just let me expl—“
I turn to Claire, “don’t worry about the ride, I’d rather walk.”
twenty-eight
DAVIS
Claire slaps Lucas on the chest, “you were supposed to text us before you got back. You knew she didn’t want to be around him, and yet you thought it was a good idea to fucking ambush her?”
Ouch.
“Sorry, I just thought that maybe if they were in the same room, she’d realize just how much this is hurting both of them,” Lucas groans. “I think all I did was hurt her more though.”
Steph glares at him, “and manage to break every ounce of trust we’ve built.”
I drop onto the couch, hiding my face in my hands. Everything feels like it’s actually ending, but I don’t want it to. I want to fight to get her back, and yet I feel like there’s no fight left.
How am I supposed to win back a girl who doesn’t want me anymore?
I letthe girl of my dreams slip between my fingers, I made a choice that hurt her, and I didn’t even stop to think about the repercussions of my actions.
Ofcourseshe would hate me after that, she literally told me the one thing that could hurt her and I did it. I turned around and used the thing she hates most against her.
Claire is important to me, more important than anyone will ever know, but I should have let everyone else handle it. Claire has all of them in her corner, and that day —that one stupid fucking day— I was the only person in Sasha’s.
She needed me, and I let her down.
After years of fighting this fucking depression, fighting to find someone who saw me for the person I am, and not the illness that plagues me, I finally found her and then threw it all away.
I found someone who loved me for me.
The chances of me finding someone like her again are low, and even if I could… I don’t want anyone but her.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do now?” I look up at all of them, searching for an answer.
How can I not know what to do?
“You gotta keep going, she’s just hurt, it’ll pass and she’ll realize that she misses you,” Blair offers.
Steph and Claire shake their heads, but it’s Lucas who speaks up. “She already knows she misses him, but she’s tired of being the second choice. He needs to show her that he’s going to put her first in life.”
“How am I supposed to do that when she won’t even talk to me?”
“Can Claire try to tell her what happened?” August asks.
“No, she doesn’t want to hear it. To her, it doesn’t matter,” Lucas tells us. “I’ve tried.”
This is such a fucking mess. A mess I created.
