“What do we need to do to get your head back intothis?” August asks gruffly, dropping his helmet to the ground in our locker room.
I shake my head, “I don’t know, dude. I just can’t focus.”
“He needs his girl back,” Blair calls out from the opposite side of the room.
That’s an understatement.
“I’ve been hanging out with Sasha,” Lucas says casually, “I’ve learned a lot about her.”
“Shut up dude, that’s not helping,” Miller hisses. “He misses her, and hearing about you getting to spend time with her isn’t going to help.”
“I don’t miss her,” I protest.
They all know I’m lying, but if I say it out loud enough, maybe it’ll eventually be true.
Lucas grins. “She told me about her tattoos, they’re super interesting.”
He’s lying.
She doesn’t talk about her tattoos.
“Did she ever tell you about that rose on her shoulder? Apparently, she got it after trying to work at a summer camp. Oh, and that one piece on her wrist? It’s covering up a scar from the accident.”
My blood runs cold.
Lucas chuckles, “she tells me everything. I really like spending time with her, and it seems like she doesn’t even miss you when she’s with me.”
I charge him, using my forearm to pin him against the wall. “Shut the fuck up.”
“What? I thought you didn’t miss her.” There’s a challenge in his eyes, he’s doing this to goad me into admitting how I feel.
And it’s working.
The room around us is dead silent. I can see the guys inmy peripheral vision, all of them watching closely to make sure this doesn’t go too far.
“Idon’t,” I bite out.
“Yes. You do,” he says pointedly. “Stop lying to yourself, this is ripping you apart inside.”
It is.
But I don’t want it to.
I don’t want to miss her because she’s better off without me.
All I’m going to do is bring her down. I’m going to keep fucking up, because that’s what I do. I’m not meant to have a great love, I’m meant to be the stupid, silly friend who makes his friends laugh and then disappear when I’m not needed anymore.
I fucking hurt her. I doubt she’s going to forgive me.
Fuck, she hurt me too. That night, she made me choose between two of the most important people in my life, she put me in an impossible position.
I was so fucking angry with her, for so long, and now I just wish we could go back to the way things were and have her in my arms again.
“Go get your fucking girl, idiot. She loves you, and misses you. She fucking needs you, but you’re too stubborn to admit that maybe, just maybe, this thing could be good for you.”
“I know it was good for me,” I drop my arm, taking a step back, “but she doesn’t need me.”
Miller puts a hand on my shoulder, “how could you possibly know that?”
