He and Claire are cut from the same cloth, two completely different ends, but still the same. He was the protector, the watcher… Claire was the victim, she lived the experience while Lucas watched from the outside.
He protects her like he tried to protect his mom.
“I have a little sister, she’s the product of my mom stepping out on my dad… I haven’t spoken to either of them in years.” August’s voice is strong, but there’s a pain there that I know he’s kept hidden for a very long time.
Steph grabs his hand, “I didn’t know that.”
He shrugs in response, “you weren’t supposed to.”
She nods. “I really fucked up when I was younger, and I don’t think my parents have ever looked at me the same. They say it didn’t change anything, but I know it did.”
I don’t know what happened to her, and I doubt it’s something I ever will, but it’s easy to picture an innocent version of Steph running happily through life and then changing into the stubborn, confrontational version I know today.
Miller pulls at the grass around his feet, looking at me with tears in his eyes, “sometimes I think no one will ever love me because I’m soft, and it scares the shit out of me.”
My heart hurts for him.
His softness is what makes him,him.It’s one of the best parts of him, one of the parts that makes him so easy to approach and talk to. I wonder if someone made him hate that part, or if he naturally became aware of his differences.
Blair leans back on his hands, stretching out and looking up at the sky. “When I find a girl I like, I becomeso obsessed that I end up driving her away because it’s too much.”
Everyone looks to Johnny, waiting for his confession, and after three beats of silence… “I get in these states where I can’t do anything, like my depression is holding me down with a thousand pounds and taunting me with my own paralysis.”
A small gasp escapes my lips. He finally told them.
Pride swells in my chest, knowing that he’s been holding onto this secret for too long.
“That’s why I was gone a couple of years ago, I tried to take my own life over Christmas break.”
My head falls on his shoulder, resting there for not only his comfort, but my own. He’s my rock, he’s my strength when I don’t have enough for myself, he’s everything I need in this world to ground me.
These feelings I have for him are overwhelming, but at the same time, I want to dive headfirst into them and let them chase away all the scary thoughts.
“I haven’t been in a car since the accident,” I announce, “the thought of going near one makes me want to crawl out of my own skin.”
“And I just shoved you into one without thinking.” Lucas drags a hand down his face, staring at me like the pieces are starting to click together.
Smiling softly, I wipe a tear off my cheek. “There’s no way you could have known that was why I freaked, there was never any mention of my involvement in the accident, no one except for my family knows.”
And now all of you…
“I’m terrified that I’ll kill someone again, or maybe that I’ll be tempted to roll into a ditch and join my brother. Idon’t think about it often, but the idea that I might be tempted is scary.”
“I’m so sorry, Sash.”
Lucas is a good guy, he has a huge heart even if he doesn’t show it often, and even though he messed up, I still feel that connection we had when I sat with him out on the porch.
He’s a friend.
A friend who hurt me but had his heart in the right place for a girl he loves.
“Can we do anything to help?” Steph asks.
“What if we drive down a road where there’s no one else?” Miller suggests.
“We can start small,” Blair smiles. “What if we do a lap around the block and see where that gets us?”
August stands, “we’re a little far out of town to walk back, what if we start with getting us all home?”
