“I’ve finally found a group of people that like me, not Jurian, not Nathan, not the world that they were constantly surrounded by.Me.”I take another sip of coffee, gripping the mug as tight as I can to stop my hands from shaking. “What if things don’t go well and I lose it all?”
My dad sets his mug on the table next to my bed and pulls me into his side, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and holding me close. I can hear his heart beating in his chest, the sound giving me a sense of comfort I didn’t know I missed until now.
I may be an almost twenty-two-year-old woman, but I will always be a little kid at heart when it comes to him.
“I’ve told you before, and I’ll tell you again. Don’t let fear choose when it should be your heart. What if you make the leap and everything turns out better than it was before?”
“What if it’s worse?”
“Then you know these people weren’t worth it in the first place. If any of them truly care about you, they’ll stick around no matter what.”
I told Johnny the same thing a couple of days ago, and it really sucks having your own advice being spoon-fed back to you.
“Thirty seconds of bravery, Chicklet. Thirty seconds is all you need.”
My lungs burn as I come to a stop at the familiar house, my hand shaking as I knock on the door, my father’s words ringing in my head. I can do this.
Seconds pass, my heartbeat thundering in my chest, until someone finally comes to the door. But it’s not Johnny.
August stares down at me, a confused look on his face, “what are you doing here?”
“Is Johnny home?” I pant.
“Uh, no. He left for the game a half hour ago, wanted to talk to Coach before we started.”
Shit, that’s right, he has a game tonight.
Before he can say anything else, I book it back down the street. Too worried about catching him before I lose my nerve to do this to care about the fact that I might collapse from a lack of oxygen.
Everyone looks at me like I’m crazy as I push through the front doors of the arena, but I can’t find it in me to care.
I turn down the hall where the coach’s office is, and run straight into someone.
My feet come out from under me, and I land on the ground with a loud thud. Pain shoots up my back, tears well in my eyes, and I have to bite back a scream.
“Shit, are you okay, Pixie?”
I look up, finding Johnny crouching down next to me with concern lining those perfect green eyes.
He reaches out a hand to help me up, and I take it, the nerves starting to fire in my body at a faster rate.
Just do it Sash.
“What are you doing here?”
My skin feels like it’s on fire, my stomach is in knots, and I think my heart is about to explode out of my chest. I’m so fucking scared right now, but there’s also this senseof excitement about what might happen. “I’mgoing to talk andyou’regoing to listen. Whatever happens, however you react to what I’m about to do… it’s okay. If you tell me to go away and you never want to see me again, I’ll be hurt, but I’ll be proud of myself for finally doing something that I want to do.”
“What are you-“
He doesn’t get to finish his sentence, I cut him off by leaning in and pressing my lips against his.
His lips are soft, full, and warm. They’re filled with a promise of something, but of what, I don’t know. It’ll either be heartbreak or love. I don’t know which I’m more afraid of.
My arms wrap around the back of his neck, holding him to me. It feels so right, like everything I’ve dreamed it would be.
These past few weeks of pretending like I’m not in love with him feel like a complete and utter waste. Why didn’t I do this sooner? Why did I let fear dictate my life when so much good could come from putting myself out there?
I pull away, close my eyes tight, then turn on my heel. I’m too afraid to see what the look on his face is, and every step I take away from him makes my heart sink further and further. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t do anything, he just lets me walk away.
