He scratches his neck —using the hand not currently gripping onto me for dear life— and blushes. Actually fucking blushes. “It’s just, you said you were going through some stuff the other day, and August made this comment after you left-“
“What comment?”
“We couldn’t find anyone who knew you after we put you in Claire’s room, so he thought that maybe you came to the party alone and didn’t have any friends.”
Ouch. I mean, they aren’t wrong, but hearing how utterly alone I am out loud hurts.
Tears prickle the back of my eyes, and he must notice because he instantly starts to panic. “Sorry. Fuck. That came out completely wrong. I didn’t- it’s just that-“
“It’s okay,” I whisper.
He hangs his head, “no, it’s really not. I’m sorry for being a dick, but I really would like to get coffee, even though I wouldn’t blame you for telling me to fuck off after that,” he mutters the last part to himself.
My heart leaps, feeling like maybe it’s more than just a pity invite. He seems genuinely remorseful, and even though I’m most definitely going to make a complete fool out of myself somehow, I want to take the chance.
“I’m done class at three,” I tell him.
His head snaps up with a massive smile, his white teethon full display as my heart constricts. He’s so effortlessly perfect.
He looks down at me, pulling out his phone and thrusting it in my direction, “put your number in.”
I triple-check that I put in the right number before handing it back to him, trying hard to keep my hands from shaking.
He starts backing away, “See you soon, Little Pixie.”
Little Pixie?
“Oh, and I hope you’re feeling better today. Cleaning up Claire’s bathroom really sucked.” He turns and jogs off before he has the chance to see me internally combust.
I totally forgot about puking all over her bathroom.
God, I’m never going to be able to show my face again.
Even as I slowly die inside, I can’t help but let that little piece of my heart hope. Johnny Davis remembers me. He knows who I am.
january
six
DAVIS
Jesus Christ, why did I do this to myself?
I don’t know what came over me, but when I saw her walking on campus that day with a smile on her face, I couldn’t stop my traitorous feet from running over to her.
I needed to be close to her, to see her actually happy for the first time in what feels like forever, to know what it feels like to be near something so perfect.
She looked so beautiful. Her hair, her dark red lips, her eyes, everything about her made my brain stop working, and I made a complete fool of myself.
But she said yes anyway.
And now, despite wanting to spend the entire day in my bed and drown in my own thoughts, I’m forcing myself to go meet her.
I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to feel anything.
For a while, I thought I was getting better, the nightsstarted to become less and less welcoming as I started to enjoy the feeling of the sun on my face.
My meds were finally working, and the world seemed to brighten every minute that passed.
