“Read it,” I tell him.
To my dearest sister,
Today is the day we graduate. It’s the day we’ve been waiting for, and even though I can’t be there to watch you cross that stage, and you can’t be there to see me, I’m still proud of you. This feeling that fills my chest isn’t because you’ve finally finished college, it’s because you’ve overcome every obstacle the world has thrown at you. The world has no idea what you’ve done to get here, no one has watched you struggle as much as I, but you’ve made it anyway. You fought for this, live in this moment, and enjoy every second of it.
You always say you feel invisible, but I don’t think it’s because you are. I think you are so reluctant to let people in, to show people that you matter, that you let yourself fade into the background. Stop fading, you’re meant to shine.
Remember that you are important, remember you are loved, and even if no one in that crowd cheers for you, know that I am. You are an amazingly creative and wonderful person, Sasha Price… don’t let a single human being on this earth convince you otherwise.
You are going to do amazing things in life, and I can’t wait to be the first person to play one of the many games you’re cooking up in that head of yours. I know it’s going to be sick.
See you at dinner tonight!
~ Jurian.
I’m inconsolable by the time Johnny is finished reading, a sobbing mess in his arms.
How the hell am I supposed to go to my stupid graduation after reading that?
He’s supposed to be here, he’s supposed to be graduating today too. Jurian is supposed to be walking across that stage, he’s supposed to be getting contracts to the NHL, he’s supposed to be living his best life.
“Sasha,” Johnny says, holding my head tight to his chest, “it’s going to be okay.”
“I know, but it doesn’t feel like it.”
My dad holds a camera up, the flash going off over and over again, while I stand in front of the university sign with my degree in hand.
“Okay, now I want some of everyone together,” he tells me, motioning to my friends to get in.
Everyone runs into the frame.
August puts Steph on his shoulders, Lucas and Blair hold a stretched out Claire in their arms, Miller sits on top of the sign with the biggest smile on his face, and Johnny walks up to my side, putting his arm around me.
“Say cheese,” my dad yells.
The flash goes off, and my heart sinks.
This is really it. We’re all moving on from Livler.
I didn’t get nearly enough time with all of them. There are so many things we didn’t get to do, so many places I still want to see with them, so much time that we don’t have.
“Thisone’s a keeper.” My dad smiles, turning the camera so we can see the picture on the little screen.
We all look so happy, like little kids with the whole world at our disposal. You’d never know just how hard we all had to fight to get here.
“It’s weird to think my brother will never get a picture in his cap and gown,” I tell my friends.
Johnny pulls me closer to his chest, “but think about how proud he’d be right now.”
He would be proud.
My brother always wanted me to put myself out there, to force people to see me… but I didn’t have to force these people to see me, they just did.
My whole life, I’ve been looking for people who would love me, and I finally found them.
I finally found someone who loves me despite my flaws, who wants to be with me.
To be loved is to be seen, and god, Johnny sees the deepest parts of me. The parts I didn’t even know were there.
