“You’re okay” he says, taking a couple steps back. “I’m here, I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
I look up, seeing the confusion and pain swirling around behind those beautiful brown eyes. He’s worried.
My body relaxes, finally understanding that he’s not Nathan. My fight or flight dies down and breathing becomes easier. I take a step towards him and wrap my arms around his torso. He holds me tight, like if he lets go I’ll disappear.
“Thank you” I whisper, voice cracking while I take a seat.
“Claire, I’m so unbelievably sorry. I didn’t mean to push you, I didn’t mean to force you into something you didn’t want.” He takes a seat next to me and places a rough, calloused hand on my leg.
“No.”
“No?”
“No. You didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want. I wanted to kiss you, fuck I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time but I couldn’t figure out what was going through that thick head of yours until after…” He nods in understanding. “You know you’re like really confusing, right?”
He smiles at me, “says you. You’re like a god damn safe that I have to crack into if I want to learn anything new.”
I laugh, not because what he said was funny, but because we were both so fucking blind. “You didn’t push me. You just… you sounded like him” I explain, returning to the original topic of conversation.
“Who?” His head tips to the side.
How am I supposed to tell the guy I like that he reminds me of my rapist? How am I supposed to spark romance and get this guy to be with me if I compare him to someone who hurt me so badly?
How am I supposed to sit here and explain that he scared me?
I take a deep breath, “you sounded like Nathan. He said something similar that night. He said the same things and I freaked, it’s not you. I swear to god Lucas it’s not you.” My heart breaks at how wounded he looks, but he needs to understand that I need time to heal. “You are so fucking caring and you make my heart explode. You’re an ass and sarcastic and a fucking loser sometimes but you’re sweet when you want to be. You do these little things that make me want to scream, but in a good way. Holy shit I’m rambling right now and I’m probably scaring you but-“
He places both of his hands on the sides of my face, he kisses me, forcing me to shut up. He leans his forehead against mine, “I like you too. You aren’t scaring me.”
“Please do that again.”
So he does, he pulls me in and kisses me softly. “Just- let’s take this slow, okay?” He says as he pulls away, brushing the side of my cheek with his thumb. “I don’t know what’s going to happen after we graduate, I don’t know what’s going to happen with hockey and I’m scared that I’m going to start something with you that I can’t finish. I want you to be okay before you commit yourself to me. I want you to be happy for yourself before you try to be happy for me, because if things don’t work out, then I need to know you weren’t just pretending or forcing yourself to be okay.”
How could he possibly think that I’m not ready to be with him? I’ve been ready for weeks. I may need some time to heal after Nathan, but I definitely don’t want to take things with him slowly. I want it all.
“I want this.” His hands scrape through his hair, “I want this so fucking badly, but I don’t know how to do relationships and I don’t want to fuck this up. I don’t want this to burn out like any other meaningless hookup.”
He looks… different. He doesn’t look like the Lucas I knew, he doesn’t look like the smart ass I’ve lived with for the past couple months. He looks like someone fighting for the things he wants.
“I want this Lucas. I don’t want to take things slow, I want all of you.” A sly smirk takes over his face,there’s the Lucas I know. “Fuck whatever it is that’s scaring you, you aren’t going to hurt me. We’re inevitable Lucas, we have been since I walked through that front door.”
He stares at me, “does this mean you’ll agree to be mine?”
“Obviously” I start to lean in towards him, but the front door swings open before our lips can connect.
“You guys okay out here?” August asks. He stops and smiles when he sees us frozen, inches apart from one another. “Guess that answers my question.”
“Wait how’s she doing?”
“Is she okay?”
“What happened? I’m going to kick someones ass.”
I hear Blair, Miller and Davis before I see them, and when they see me sitting so close to Lucas, they all start to dance.
“Don’t you guys want to hear the good news before you start celebrating?” Lucas taunts. The boys look at him, pausing for a moment while they wait on the edge of their metaphorical seats. He grabs my hand in his and smiles widely, “she’s mine boys.”
“Fucking finally!” Blair hoots.
