I turn off my phone and throw it across the bathroom, then slide into the water, leaving my clothes on and feeling the weight of the fabric as it gets wetter and wetter. Minutes go by, minutes of me making amends with myself and trying to believe that it’s all going to be okay.
I open the cap of the pill bottle, and throw a handful of pills into my mouth. I’m scared of dying, but I’m even more scared of living. More time passes, and eventually my eyes start to close, but I feel nothing except for peace.
This is the most calm and happy I’ve felt in months, I wish it could have been like this all the time.
CHRIS
“So where are you coming from?” the taxi driver asks me as he pulls out of the airport.
“Texas, I go to school there. Just coming home to surprise my little sister, she had a huge competition today, and I couldn’t make it for the actual event, but I thought I should at least come home to congratulate her.”
I’m so fucking proud of her, she works like crazy and it pays off. When I got the notification that she came in first, I started dancing in the airport. I got a lot of weird looks.
I didn’t care though, my little sister won nationals.
“You must be really proud of her,” he says.
“I am, I’m so proud of her,'' I beam.
It goes silent for a moment before he looks at me through the rearview mirror, “do you play hockey by any chance? I feel like I recognize you.”
I grin and nod my head, “yeah. I play for Livler U.”
“I thought I knew you, Chris Taylor right?” I nod my head again, “I’m a big fan. You’ve had an amazing season so far. You set the team up to win the playoffs, I’m rooting for you guys.”
“Thanks man, I’m hoping we can pull through to the end. Although I can’t take all the credit, my coach and teammates help set me up for success. Couldn’t do it without them.”
He merges onto the highway, checking over his left shoulder as I feel my phone buzzing in my pocket. I see my sisters name and open her text.
Angel
I love you. You were the best big brother I could have ever asked for, you loved me to the ends of the earth and I felt it every day. Don’t blame yourself, okay? I’m a lost cause, there’s not much left for me to keep fighting for. Make Tash happy, make it to the big leagues and tell Tony I missed him.
What? What the fuck is she talking about.
Heat courses through my body, hot anxiety takes over. I re-read the text, over and over, trying to process the words I have on my screen.
She’s not… right?
I can’t take that chance. “You need to go” I rush out to the driver.
“What?”
“My sister texted me, I think she’s… I don’t know. You need to get there as quickly as you can.” I feel a tear fall down my cheek, my breathing is rapid and my heart is beating so fucking fast, “please.”
He steps on the gas and we fly down the highway, he weaves in and out of cars, causing them to break fast or honk their horns. I text her back, I call her, I blow up her fucking phone but she isn’t answering. It’s going straight to voicemail.
“Claire pick up the fucking phone” I growl.
Fuck it, I call my mom.
“Hi honey, how’d the game go?”
“Are you at home?” I ask.
“No, your father and I are out at dinner, why baby? What’s wrong?”
“Please tell me Claire is with you.”
