My mom confronted him after my brother and I were born, telling him that she wouldn't put her children through his shit, that she was going to have more respect for herself than that.
He hit her for the very first time that day.
He never stopped.
He used his power and money against her, threatening her and us, saying that he’d make sure we were miserable. She stayed through everything to give us the life she thought we deserved, she put up with his shit because she thought she was doing what was best.
“He would punish me whenever you made a mistake, told me that it was my fault. I know it wasn’t right, but that’s why I was always so hard on you” she sobs.
I rest a hand on hers, trying my best to give her comfort. She was wrong in how she treated me, but that doesn’t mean she deserves how my father treatedher.
“Why didn’t you say anything when he started to hit Claire?” my brother asks her.
“I tried, but he had me so wrapped up in his lies that I couldn’t tell what was right or wrong anymore. Deep down I knew it wasn’t okay, but I didn’t know how to leave him, I didn’t know what I was going to do after I walked out.”
Chris wipes a tear off of his cheek, “you could have come to me. I would have helped you.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen my mom look ashamed, but right now that’s all I can see. She picks at her perfectly manicured fingers, refusing to look at either of us while tears fall down her face.
My mother and I may have had a complicated relationship, and I may hate her for what she’s done to me all these years… but she’s still my mom. We are bonded through the pain we’ve suffered at my fathers hand.
I reach out to her, wrapping my arms around her shoulder and holding her close, “I’m so sorry” she sobs. “I will never forgive myself for putting you through this.”
“Maybe we can start over.” I give her a pathetic smile, the taste of salt coating my tongue while I try to convince everyone that I’m okay.
I don’t know why I always do that –pretend like I’m not falling apart inside– it’s not like I can’t rely on people for help. I know deep down that my friends, or I guess it’s just Steph now, will have my back and support me through it all. Life is fucking hard, I don’t think anyone expects me to have it all figured out.
“Forgive me, I need to go pull myself together before calling the lawyers.” My mom takes a step back from me and runs her hand over my cheek, giving me a kiss on top of my head, “I’m going to be better, I promise.”
As she walks away, Chris collapses onto my lap, sobs wracking through his entire body while I hold back my own. “It’s okay” I whisper, “it’s okay, it’s okay.”
He’s my big brother, he’s supposed to protect me and keep me safe. But I think for the first time he’s realizing that not only did he fail, but he can’t protect me from everything bad in this world.
thirty-three
LUCAS
My stomach is twisted in knots, every part of me feels like it’s falling apart with every passing moment Claire doesn’t walk back into this house.
I told her not to come home, I fucking told her to go away… why the hell did I do that?
Claire won’t answer her phone, and while I don’t blame her for ignoring all of us, I wish she would let us fix it. I want to fix it, even knowing my chance to be her person is done and gone, I just want her in my life again.
This last week has felt like an eternity, a never ending punishment for my own wrongdoings… but I deserve it.
I’m such a piece of shit, I believed something that wasn’t true, all because I never bothered to ask. I let the hate I have for Nathan overshadow the friendship I built with Claire.
“Guys…” Miller says, “you should come take a look at this.”
Fear coils in my gut, and I don’t know if I want to see what he’s talking about. There’s been so much shit going on, I don’t think I can handle another blow.
August beats me there though, and the smile that takes over his face is enough to have my shoulders sagging in relief, “holy shit” he laughs.
When I finally make it to the kitchen island –where both Miller and his computer are sitting– I choke on a laugh of my own. It’s an article about how Nathan Thomas has been permanently banned from being signed to any professional team, alongside a photo of him and Claire nose to nose at the rink.
“Guess Chris doesn’t take too kindly to people fucking with his sister” Blair smiles.
“Yeah but that also means he can fuckusover for screwing with his sister” I say solemnly.
