I wait, wait for the pounding in my chest to stop, wait for the strength I had before I got here to come back, wait for the sound of the arena going silent… wait for everything to change.
The sound of sobbing fills my ears, and the once fired up crowd goes completely silent. I take a deep breath and stand up, walking towards the door of the locker room, and out to the ice.
Each step brings back one painful memory after the other, the way Lucas looked at me, my parents, the people I thought were my friends, Nathan, crying myself to sleep every night and begging for the pain to stop, watching Chris’s face contort with relief when I woke up in that hospital room at fifteen.
Even though my entire body is screaming at me, I keep going. I step onto the ice and skate towards the middle, listening to Nathans voice spit cruelties at me, listening to my own sobs as I try not to flinch at the recording from this morning.
All eyes are on me, but the only pair I can truly feel are Lucas’s. I feel them burning a hole into the back of my head, begging me to turn around and look at him, to explain what’s going on… but I won’t do that
He doesn’t deserve an explanation after what he did.
I look up into the stands, slowly turning so I can get a good look at everyone sitting around me, feeling like the world has stopped and I’m the only one moving. The players stand silent on the ice, all of them frozen in time, staring at me.
When the crowd gasps, I know the photos have made their way onto the screen above the ice. My bruised body is on full display, and even though the thought of it makes me want to curl up and die, I know I need to show them what monster lays beneath his surface.
The moment I feel someone at my back I know it’s him, I know it’s Nathan overcome with anger. When I finally whip around, my nostrils flare in defiance, we’re nose to nose, in a complete standoff.
He towers over me, and the combination of his height and hockey pads make him feel larger than he is, but I won’t back down… not this time.
People bully me into backing down every time I have the courage to stand up for myself, I’m sick and fucking tired of it.
The eerie quietness weighs on me, everyone is waiting for one of us to make the first move, watching as we fight for dominance in a silent battle.
His eyes burn with hatred, but that’s not the only thing there… he’s scared. Fear is crawling up his spine just like it did to me the night he chose to take something that wasn’t his. Nathans jaw ticks, and the scowl on my face falters for just a moment as he morphs into my father.
The familiar itch to back away and bow my head creeps up on me, every single self-preservation instinct kicks in and I have to fight to stop myself from becoming that scared little girl again. He’s not my dad, and I’m not a kid anymore. I’m a grown woman, I refuse to let anyone make me feel inferior.
My resolve strengthens as he melts back into himself, and that fear I saw before, becomes the only thing hiding behind his eyes. He’s terrified that I’m not backing down, he doesn’t know what to do… and it makes me feel invincible.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” He growls at me, a vein popping out of his forehead.
How did I ever find him attractive?
“I’m the girl who is going to teach you a fucking lesson” I grit out, “you will never put your hands on another girl, you will never hurtanyoneever again.”
“And what makes you think I’m going to listen to you?”
“Because,Thomas, I have the power to ruin your life… in fact I already have.” A cruel laugh escapes my lips as I take a stride towards him, forcing him to back away. I continue to push forward, loving the feeling of him backing down. “Your father is nothing compared to my army of lawyers, they will bury your father, and after they do that, they’ll make sure neither of you have a dime to your name. Your hockey career is over, my brother is a powerful man, and after hearing about what you did to me… he’s made sure every coach in the pros knows what you really are.”
Nathan's back thumps against the boards, and he swallows whatever acid lump is sitting in his throat as I lean in and whisper in his ear, “they don’t take too kindly to those who disrespect women.”
“You’re lying,” he chokes out.
My gaze drifts just above his head. Chris, Sam and Leo stand just above us, looking down at Nathan like he’s their next meal. “Take a look behind you, I don’t think I am.”
He looks back, noticing the menacing glares being tossed his way from the three scary men behind him. His eyes widen with this crazed look while I back away from him, but before he has the chance to do anything, Lucas comes flying at us and tackles him to the ground, nearly taking me with them.
Everyone goes crazy, members from both teams rush towards us to join in on the fight. Lucas has Nathan by the neck, throwing punches more violent than I’ve ever seen before.
Blair and Davis shove a few guys away from the grown men ready to rip each other apart, trying to keep the other team from going after Lucas. Miller steps in front of me, pushing me out of the way and attempting to keep me safe, but sends me flying to the ice instead.
My back hits the ground so quickly that the wind is knocked out of my lungs, and I gasp for air. No one notices me in the commotion though, Miller hasn’t even looked back to see if I’m okay, his gaze stays on his friends in front of him.
I finally stand once my lungs decide to start working again, and the sight before me sends me into a tailspin. August is being ripped off of someone by a ref, Davis is in a headlock while another player taunts him, Blair spits out blood as he tackles a guy to the ground.
This isn’t how it was supposed to go, this isn’t what I wanted.
But isn’t it?
