“Why are you up so late?” I feel uncomfortable asking this question, it feels weird trying to force conversation with her.
She plays with the hem of her shirt, looking away from me and giving me the opportunity to take in her long, smooth legs. “I couldn’t sleep, thought I’d come down for some water. I would have put some pants on if I thought anyone else was gonna be down here” she says as she lets out a tight laugh.
“It’s all good, not the first time I’ve seen a girl half naked” I say easily, but after a beat I realize how that sounds.
“Such a playboy” she says between giggles, shaking her head as her hair falls in front of her face.
She really doesn’t care that she’s half naked in front of me?
“I will admit though, I am a little embarrassed right now, but we live together so it was bound to happen at some point right? Besides, it’s not like anything’s going to happen between any of us, Tony would chop off your balls with a hockey skate if any of you tried anything.”
“How presumptuous of you to think we’d evenwantto try something with you” I say mockingly.
“Touché.” She raises her glass towards me before taking another sip.
“What were you going to ask?”
She swallows before answering, “oh, I was just wondering if you’re always trying to figure everyone out or if it’s just me.”
Her question shocks me, this girl is crazy observant. I didn’t even know she caught me trying to do that, “what do you mean?”
“Well, you’re always staring at me like if you look long enough then the answers will fall right in front of you. Do you do that with everyone or just me?” Even though it’s dark, I can see the light blush tinting her cheeks.
“You’re a mystery, there’s still so much to find out about you. You’re always throwing curve balls at me, but I’ll figure you out one day pretty girl.”
I get up from my seat and walk out of the kitchen, leaving the conversation on an ominous note. She makes my brain whirl, but in some ways I don’t mind it. As long as I can keep my shit together long enough to get drafted, I have no problem seeing where this girl leads us and what she’s going to reveal next.
twelve
CLAIRE
I’m sitting in the living room with Lucas, Blair, Davis and August. We’re watching game tapes to prepare for their upcoming games, the teams we face off against next are our two closest rivals, so it’s safe to say we have our work cut out for us.
Miller walks into the room with a pained look on his face. He’s been so weird these last couple days and I can’t figure out why. Usually he’s quiet, but notthisquiet.
Years of analyzing my parents, reading their mannerisms and tone of voice has made me especially sensitive to the little things that change in people. Even the slightest difference can set me on edge… it’s a blessing and a curse.
I can tell when someones sad, or when they’re about to get violently angry, and that’s all great for self preservation… but when you read so much into nothing, it takes a toll on you.
“I need to talk to you about something serious” he says, “and I need you to not freak out on me.”
My stomach knots, I can barely hear anything over the sound of my own heartbeat. The pounding in my ears grows louder and louder with every passing moment.
“We were at the rink yesterday, we saw and heard everything. I’m so sorry, I know you said not to go and we should have listened to you but we were so curious and we just wanted to know what your skating looked like and why you were at the rink after it closed.” He pauses to catch his breath before continuing, “I’m so sorry Claire, it was eating me alive trying to act like everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t. I couldn’t just sit back and watch you act like everything was fine.”
Time stops. I mean it actually stops. It feels like hours go by while I sit in this stool looking at him. My face stays flat, no expression forming as the emotions and feelings rush into me like a massive tidal wave. They saw me skate, they disregarded my privacy, they ignored my request for space and to be alone… they heard me scream and saw me sobbing. They all acted like they hadn’t seen anything –hadn’t witnessed my breakdown– for days. They saw me at my most vulnerable, they invaded my safe space, they’ve taken away any ounce of safety I feel when I’m alone on the ice.
“You’re fucking kidding me right?”
“No, I’m so sorry. I just want to let you know that I’m here to talk if you need to, I don’t want you to think that you’re alone when you aren’t.”
“Stop apologizing” I scream, “I don’t want to talk and I don’t need you guys rushing to my aid.”
I’m shaking, but I can’t tell if it’s from fear or from anger. They took away the one place I felt safe,myplace. The rink is where I go when I need to clear my head, somewhere I can truly be alone.
“I asked for one goddamn thing, to be leftalone, and you guys couldn’t listen? You couldn't give me an hour of my own time to get my shit together?”
They all stare at me, looking guilty and ashamed… good. They should feel like shit.
