We’re all staring at her in awe, watching her glide against the ice… and then she crashes to the ground.
August jolts, moving to go help her but Davis holds him back, “we aren't supposed to be here” he whispers. When August creeps back down, we hear it. Claire screams.
It’s so loud, so filled with pain that it makes me want to puke. Her body shakes as she cries, sitting on the ice while the sound echoes against the blank walls.
I look to the others as we slide our backs down the brick underneath the windows. I can see the pain in August's eyes, Miller looks like he’s about to sob, Davis and Blair sit with blank expressions.
“We really shouldn’t be here right now,” Miller chokes out.
None of us move, we all stay rooted to our spots in silence. I feel my stomach twist, I can tell that she’s filled with sadness and anger. That phone call with her mom must have really done a number on her.
After what feels like forever, Blair finally gets up and starts walking away. The rest of us follow him to the parking lot where we get into Davis’s car, and the entire ride home is silent.
We’re all sitting in the living room, complete silence taking over as I think things through.
Steph told us the relationship Claire has with her parents isn’t good, but based on what just happened, I would say it’s worse than ‘not good’.
“We do not speak of what just happened,” August says, “not to anyone. We weren’t supposed to see that and for all she knows we didn’t, so everything has to be normal when she gets home. Got it?”
We all nod our heads in agreement, but continue to sit in silence anyway.
The door swings open and Claire comes in with her skates hung over her shoulder. She has four boxes of pizza stacked up in her hands, looking like nothing happened.
“Y’all want pizza?” she asks, her smile beaming.
If I hadn’t seen what happened at the rink, I would think she’s perfectly fine… but that’s not the case. Her eyes, they’re like the window to her real feelings. I can see through that stupid facade, I can see that she’s putting on this brave face for us.
I shoot a look at August and he raises his eyebrows at me, a warning that I need to keep my shit together and act normal. I take a deep breath before getting up and grabbing a slice, followed by the others as we sit around the table, trying to be the regular guys she knows.
I have my bets on Miller cracking first, he's barely looked at her since she got home, and is eating pizza like a five year old who just had a meltdown.
Blair is chatting with Claire while Davis pretends to listen and act interested. August has his phone out texting someone, and I am mulling over every thought inside my head as I try to figure her out.
She’s like this puzzle I can’t quite put together, every time I think I have all the pieces put together, I realize there’s one missing and restart. At first I thought she was this annoying, sarcastic, in-over her head rando who was being forced into our lives. Then I thought she was a bubbly, kind, overdramatic, sarcastic girl who was just trying to fit into our house. Now I see her as this girl putting on a mask for all of those around her, just to keep things simple. I don’t even know if I’ve got all the pieces this time, but I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough when she throws another curve ball and says something none of us are expecting.
Miller scrapes his chair back, scaring all of us, and throws his plate on the counter. I hear him sniffle then dart upstairs, leaving all of us alone.
Claire looks confused, “is everything okay with Miller? Did I say something wrong?”
“I’m not sure,” I lie, “but I’ll go check on him.”
I slowly push away from the table, stacking my plate on top of his before walking up to his room. I lightly knock before opening the door, and see him sitting at his desk, face in his hands, while he cries.
Now I’m not one to say a guy is a bitch if he cries, especially Miller. That kid may be emotional but he’s a baddass. He cares about his friends and has no issue backing us up when it really counts, but right now he’s being a bitch, not because he’s crying, but because he has to keep it together in front of Claire.
He looks up to me with red rimmed eyes and rosy cheeks, “I can’t do it man. I can’t just sit there and watch her act like everything’s fine.”
“I know, but maybe she just needed to have a moment. Let go of some pent up emotions and then move on.” I don’t even know if I fully believe what I’m saying, but I’m trying to. I pat Miller’s back and kneel down in front of him, he knows I’m always here for him but sometimes he needs a little reminder.
“She needs someone, someone to talk to about this shit because even though we’re here, she won’t tell us” he cries. “She’s got Steph but she’s not here all the time, and God knows she can’t talk to her parents because they seem to be the root of all this shit.”
“I know man, I’m sure she’ll open up to us at some point. She’s known us for a week, you just gotta give her time.” Miller cares for her, but we can’t force her to trust us. We can’t force her to be completely open about her life, or her family.
I leave Miller with his thoughts, hoping that maybe he’ll calm down enough to come and join the rest of us later.
* * *
I’m going to kill her, she’s been giggling for the past fifteen minutes. I’m trying to focus on getting notes done for class this week and she’s giggling her ass off over –well I don’t know what, but it’s annoying.
