He looks at where my hand rests on his arm and then back at me, his gaze steady. "Some things are worth making time for."
six
. . .
Grant
I'm still distractedon the drive home, just like I have been all afternoon. After my assistant, Emma, moved things around to accommodate my morning whimsy, I spent the rest of the day speeding through meetings so I could take a few moments to reflect on sitting next to Sophia during the table read and while we ate lunch.
I shouldn't be surprised at how easy it was to talk to her, considering there was an ease about her during some of our first interactions, but I guess I was skeptical. It's not often I'm interested in women on a deeper level.
Don't get me wrong; I care deeply about the talent in this town and the people I work with. Some of them are my closest friends and confidantes. But there is a very platonic aura in all of those settings. I was drawn to Sophia the first time we met—physically, emotionally, intellectually. That kind of trifecta never happens.
The vibration in my suit jacket shakes me from my daydream, and all my tension and worries disappear whenthe image of my daughter's ice-cream-covered lips stretched in a smile across her face appears on my display.
"Hey, nugget!"
"Hey, Dad. Can we go to the Space Center tonight and watchDeep Sky? My friend Charlie saw it this weekend and said it was awesome!"
"Oh, yeah? It definitely sounds like something we should see, but not on a school night."
"Oh, Dad, come on. Charlie keeps yapping about it and rubbing it in that he's seen it and nobody else has."
"Sorry, nug. You know the rules. How about we watch the trailer for it and see what we can find on the internet about it, and I'll get tickets for us to see it this weekend."
"Ok, fine. But I'm making you take me to the telescope exhibit while we're there."
She's only six and already bossing me around. I'm nervous about those teen years. I hide it the best that I can, but I'm already wrapped around her finger. If she had pushed harder, it's possible I would have caved and brought her tonight.
"Deal."
"You almost home?"
"About fifteen more minutes. What's for dinner?"
"Oh, Dad, you're gonna love it! I talked Josie into making sloppy joes!"
I can hear Josie telling Hazel to go wash her hands, and I remind Hazel to let Josie know she's welcome to eat with us before we end the call. I have a meal delivery service that we rely on most days, but Josie doesn't mind cooking with Hazel. She says it's good to teach her some kitchen basics, althoughthe way she said it made me feel like she might be judging me a little. I can cook. A few things. Whatever. I'm good at other things.
I wonder if Sophia likes sloppy joes.
I shake my head because why does it matter? It's not like she's ever coming over to eat dinner with us. My house is my sacred space, so I try not to invite many people inside. I have a small guest home out back where I will invite a select few over for small gatherings, but we keep the festivities outside by the pool or in the open areas of the guest house.
I can hear the music coming from the kitchen when I walk in, and I creep quietly around the corner so I can catch the joy on Hazel's face. She is the light of my life, but some days, I worry if I'm enough for her. I'll give her anything she wants, but I can't give her that traditional mom experience. I tell myself she doesn't know any other way, so it's not a loss like it might be for someone who has experienced it and then lost it. Geneva has been great about staying in touch and visiting when she can, but I know Hazel wishes she were here more.
"Dad!"
Hazel runs and jumps into my arms with such force it pushes me back a step. There is nothing better in life than this little girl's arms wrapped around my neck. Her sweet scent of hand wipes mixed with strawberry shampoo and the soft waves of her hair brushing across my cheek trigger a feeling of love I never knew existed.
I smack my lips all over her face, drowning her in kisses, aiming for giggles that give me a quick dopamine hit.
"Alright, nugget, let's go eat!"
We have dinner outside since it's that time of year when the sun isn't beating down and trying to set you on fire and the recent time change allows us to still see each other.
"Ok, Dad. You first. Any struggles today?"
It's our dinner routine. Sharing our struggles and wins. I wanted Hazel to know that it's normal to have both. Some days, the struggles overtake the wins, and that is ok. It makes the wins feel that much better.
