My phone buzzes, and my heart does that stupid little jump it always does when I see Grant's name. "Speak of the devil."
I answer, trying to keep my voice neutral. "Grant?" The girls all lean forward, not even pretending not to listen.
"Sophia, I'm sorry to ask this…" He sounds stressed. "There's been an emergency with one of our studios in Atlanta. I'm stuck in meetings, Sarah is also stuck at work, and Hazel's school just called. She's not feeling well."
"I can get her," I say immediately, already reaching for my bag.
There's a pause, heavy with all the things we're not saying. "Thank you. I really appreciate this, Sophia. I'll wrap up here as soon as I can."
"No problem. Tell her I'm on my way."
I end the call and find three pairs of eyes watching me intently. "He needs me to pick up Hazel."
"Honey," Blair starts, but I cut her off.
"Don't. I know what you're thinking, but she's not feeling well and needs someone to get her."
"And you're just going to drop everything and run?" Jess asks gently.
"Of course she is!" Stella says. "She loves Hazel! Even if Grant is being all weird about everything."
"Exactly that," I say simply. "Because she's six, and she doesn't deserve to get caught in whatever's happening between me and Grant." I grab my jacket. "Besides, maybe a little space isn't the worst thing. Give us both time to figure out what we really want."
The drive to Hazel's school gives me too much time to think. About how close I've gotten to Grant and how comfortable I feel with him. About how easy it was for him to pull back, like flipping a switch. All the little moments we shared now feel like they're slipping through my fingers.
Hazel's face lights up when she sees me walk into the nurse's office, and just like that, all my complicated feelings about Grant fade into the background. She's pale but perks up immediately, her whole body seeming to bounce despite her supposed illness.
"Sophia! Did Daddy send you?"
"He did, sweetheart. Not feeling so hot?"
She shakes her head and then immediately brightens. "Can we work on my song for the play when we get home? I practiced the new part!"
I sign her out and lead her to my car, trying not to think about how natural it feels. How it's a routine I wouldn't mind and could really get used to. How normal it is the way she automatically heads for "her" side of the car, and how she knows exactly where I keep the emergency snacks in the console. "Let's see how you're feeling first, ok? Maybe some soup and rest?"
At the house, Hazel insists she feels well enough to show me her progress on her song, but I negotiate her down to lying on the couch while she sings. I sit on the floor beside her, letting her teach me the hand motions that go with each verse.
"Sophia?" she asks during a break between verses, playing with the edge of her blanket. "When did you know you wanted to be famous?"
I can't help but smile at that. "Oh, sweetie, it wasn't about being famous. I just loved pretending, becoming different characters. When I was about your age, I used to put on shows in my backyard. I'd make my stuffed animals be the audience."
"Really?" She grins and then looks serious. "I like performing, too, but I can't do it forever. I have to focus on my astronaut training."
"Oh?" I bite back a laugh at her grave expression.
"NASA needs someone brave enough to live on Mars," she explains as if this is common knowledge. "And Daddy says if you want something, you have to be dedicated." Shepronounces 'dedicated' carefully, clearly proud of using such a grown-up word.
"That's very true. But you know, I bet Mars could use some entertainment. Those astronauts might get bored up there."
Her eyes go wide with possibility. "Maybe I could do shows for them! In my space suit!" She sits up straighter. "Do you think we could practice taking pictures in space? For when I need to document my Mars discoveries?"
"Once you feel better, we can talk about it."
"Promise?" Hazel snuggles deeper into the couch, and I shift us back to the play, afraid to make any promises I can't keep.
"Here, try this verse again, but remember what we talked about with the breathing. Mars has a very thin atmosphere—you'll need strong lungs up there."
She giggles but takes a deep breath, ready to start again. Looking at her, I realize I'm in dangerous territory because it's not just Grant I'm going to miss if he decides we need permanent space. It's this. I'm in way too deep.
