Spencer pulled him closer. “I’m sorry…”
“It’s fine… it was a while ago.”
Spencer couldn’t bear his pain, not just because the fact that he cared at all was fucking terrifying, but he also had no clue how to help. Kissing him, because in that moment, it seemed right. To claim him back too from those ghosts haunting his eyes. Feeling, relieved, that Duncan kissed him back, held him tighter.
Spencer broke it, whispering. “The food will burn…”
Duncan just let him go and went back to cooking. Relieved. That he didn’t have to talk, or tell him anything. Not even sure he could have, at all. Wincing at the pain stabbing at his chest.
They ate later, and then went to lie down on a large double lounging chair, facing that stunning sunset, Spencer wedged against Duncan, his head on his shoulder, floating a bit on Duncan’s hand caressing his shoulder and side. His leg laced on Duncan’s thigh, his eyes on that stunning sky.
“I’ve never seen this sunset…”
“Really?”
“Too busy as a kid, too fucked up later to care… it’s beautiful though, I might paint it.”
“Great idea.”
Pulling him closer, because it felt good, to hold him, and share that moment. A bit puzzled that Spencer just let himself go in his arms, melted against him, and Spencer had no idea what this was, drenched in his own fear, but also in a feeling he could not explain. Feeling at ease, when he had never really felt at ease, had never really let his guard down with anybody. Hesitating if he could do it with Duncan at all because he wasn’t sure why Duncan was with him at all.Maybe I’m a good fuck…
Smiling, his dark eyes on the setting sun painting the sky. “I’m amazed you tolerate me…”
Duncan glanced down at his dark hair. He could not see Spencer’s eyes. “It’s a bit more than tolerating now?”
“It is. I’m a decent fuck, I guess?”
“You are, but it’s not just that…” Hesitating because the last thing he wanted was to chase Spencer back behind those walls of hate.
“You could have anybody on this planet, Righteous. A guy like you… decent, principled, a good lay with a potent body…”
“And you could be with a junkie who’s drunk from morning to night, and smokes his brains out with you…”
Spencer pushed back a bit to look at him. “Oh…”
“Stupid question, stupid answer…” He sighed, exasperated a bit. “I was with a guy I thought would marry me. Decent, good in bed… and it ended up in disaster.”
“A cake disaster.”
Duncan smiled, relieved he was joking and not throwing a fit.
“A taste for old men has flipped into a taste for twinks…”
Duncan flicked his nose. “You’re not a twink.”
“That’s my line.”
“Well, it’s mine now.”
Their eyes playing.
Spencer traced his pecs. “Let’s go inside and go to bed.”
“Tired?”
Spencer traced his jaw. “A bit…” Risking those silly words pushing each other in his mouth. “I just want to go to sleep with you…” His heart rushing.
Duncan knew he could not joke this one away. Not without destroying that fragile crystal courage Spencer had pulled out from somewhere. He stroked his cheek with his thumb. “Alright.”
