Both of them silent, because words felt like major fuckups. Not needed. Not when Spencer just parted his lips and Duncan sealed his mouth, their tongues meeting, slow, mellow, deep. Tasting, drinking, breathing each other’s breath. Faster, wilder, wider. Spencer turned to straddle him, and Duncan pulled him into his neck.
Caressing that lean back, he whispered in his ear. “You’re not a fuckup, ok? Not to me.”
Spencer just heaved softly to try and kill that ache in his throat. Failing. His tears spilled as his breath hitched. Crying. Silent. Not letting his voice out. And Duncan just cradled him, his lips parted on his soaked neck, drenched in his taste laced with salt.
Chapter 12
They had slept together, but hadn’t done anything else, Spencer all but knocked out by that long cry in the tub, and in the morning, early, he was already smoking at the open window, stark naked, those long curtains flooded with light dancing around his body.
Duncan woke to that vision, keeping quiet, even if he just wanted to get up and twist that joint out of his fingers. He just watched him, his back with those lean muscles, his hair in soft waves, his hips and ass, those lean thighs and calves, the muscles still carved, like a statue, with that dazzling backdrop of the morning sky playing in colors of blue and pink. Magic. Which got broken by Spencer turning, those dark eyes filled with an unreadable light, that sour pull of his mouth as he pushed the joint out in that large crystal ashtray and walked towards the bathroom.
Not even turning to Duncan. “Get ready. We’re leaving to Mia’s.”
He disappeared in the bathroom whilst Duncan blinked, trying to grasp his words.
He got up though, and found his clothes on a chair. Dressing, a bit puzzled, his heart clenched. Almost a stress there he had long forgotten, pushing it down, deep. That feeling of not being wanted. Too familiar. Something he could not let out into the light again.Come on, be a pro, damnit.Glancing at the door, but Spencer stayed inside, even if he could not hear the shower. He pinched his lips and walked to the door, carefully looking outside, but the corridor was empty so he hurried outside, down to the side entrance where he could sneak out, hurrying to his flat.
Quick shower, changing, rushing to the garage, his heart threatening to give with that ache.Shit.Pulling the car up in front of the mansion, right when Spencer walked out, lost in his phone. Dressed in black jeans and a burgundy silk shirt, he opened the door before Duncan could get out, and sat in. Buckling in.
“To Mia’s.”
Duncan almost said something, a tiny anger birthing on that despair, but Spencer just waved at him. “Pull it up.”
He obeyed, that ice in his chest.Of course, what the fuck did you think, stupid?Clenching his hands on the wheel, he drove, still, even if his heart was trying to crawl out of his throat.Shit…He knew the way, having brought Spencer there a couple of times. Not often.
He parked the car in front of that huge mansion, and got out, opening the door.
Spencer didn’t look at him, fixing his eyes on the entrance door whilst clutching his phone. “I don’t need you inside, so wait in the car.” Not even waiting for an answer, he walked away, going straight for the doorbell when it opened, Mia jumping into his arms. She gave a wave at Duncan and pulled Spencer in.
Duncan sat back into the car, utterly lost. He blew a breath, to kill that ache which shouldn’t have even existed, that fucking ache he knew too well. His wounds still fresh, they tore open at Spencer’s behavior.You knew, dummy, you knew he had a girlfriend, you fucking knew that he’s playing, so don’t suffer now like a righteous martyr of your own stupidity…That mocking laughter of his own mind.Shit.It still hurt like fuck, no matter what. He took his phone and opened his reading app, finding the book he was reading at home.Fuck this.Swallowing that lump in his throat, he read, trying to get lost in a stupid romcom to wash his braincells out somewhat. Wiping some rogue tears because maybe he shouldn’t have opened a romance book.Fuck.Reading, still, because there was nothing else to do but read and suffer in silence.You did this to yourself, you fuck.Chuckling. That inner voice, as usual, stabbing his heart.
Fortunately, he always had some food and drinks in the car, because he could never know with Spencer, so he ate and drank a bit, walking around a bit to stretch his legs, his eyes drifting to the tall windows. Reading more, eating a snack, walking more.
Dusk lights painting the sky.Shit.Hoping he didn’t have to pull an overnight in the car. Trying very hard not to think about what Spencer was doing with Mia, and failing. Feeling like shit too because he had let himself go where he had promised he never would, and yet… daring to believe something he couldn’t even understand.Shit.
Reading a bit more, the evening on the cusp of the night, he was resigned to spend the night in the car. He rubbed his eyes, putting the phone in the charging slot. Closing his eyes as he leant his head back when he heard the door, so he jolted awake, and got out of the car to open the door. Watching Spencer walk there, not looking up from his phone, his shirt wide open, his pants unbuttoned at the top. He just slid inside without a word, and Duncan swallowed that pain in his throat.
Sitting in, waiting with his hands on the wheel.
“The Lookout point. The old one on the top of the hill.” Duncan almost objected, but Spencer just waved at him. “Just drive.”
Fuck!But he obeyed, that forgotten hate creeping back in, that rotten day getting at him, his rotten feelings and feeling like a discarded rag.
Driving up those winding roads to the top of one of the hills surrounding the city, to that old lookout point which was not fashionable anymore with the new one built farther on anotherhill, with restaurants and clubs to party. This was an old landing, a short concrete wall at the edge, but the view was stunning, even if the lights have been blown out, save for two on the edge, pouring an orange light on that dark night. Bugs flying around them, dying close to the light.
He parked the car, facing that wall, and looked back. Daring to speak. “We’ve arrived…”
Spencer just opened the door. “Come.”
Duncan followed him, puzzled. To the edge of that wall, that too low wall against which Spencer leant his lean thighs, holding his phone against his heart, the wind picking up his silk hair. Duncan walked next to him, watching that stunning landscape, diamond lights glinting in that deep night, like a carpet of sparkling stones below thrown on the city. That soft murmur coming up to them. The orange halo almost masking the sky.
Spencer’s soft voice filled the night filled with crickets. “I fucked her.”
Duncan’s heart clenched but he didn’t say a word, keeping his eyes on the lights below. Spencer was drunk, he could hear it, but not dead drunk. Stoned, but not dead stoned. Duncan couldn’t find any words which would have fit. He crossed his arms, tight, not to give his emotions away, or shake Spencer out of that fucked up daze.
“As a last goodbye.”
Duncan looked at him at his words as his heart wrapped in ice. A waft of wind grabbed Spencer’s hair, and it flew back, exposing his left cheek. That bruised cheek, darkening in that orange light. Duncan couldn’t hold back, and gently grazed it with his fingers.
