Gabe stepped to him. “I still have stuff to do here.”
“No, you don’t. My lawyer will deal with your stuff, too.” Holding his phone to his ear. “Just pack.”
They flew back, and Damian booked a suite in another hotel, with a view, not wanting to look at those tall buildings masking the stars. But even like this, the stars were invisible behind that orange halo masking the sky. He sighed and turned back to the room, pushing a switch to close the blinds.
He went to bed and turned to Gabe, who put his phone down. Watching Gabe, not even sure he wanted to talk. Still, some words slipped out of that tired mind. “What a mess…”
“Why?”
Clinging to his hazel eyes. “Because now I have a new child… Fuck…”
Watching that sliver of fear in his steel eyes. “So?”
Damian sighed, rolling on his back to avoid his eyes. “I am a shit dad, I always have been, and this kid deserves better… This is not a good idea… I could find him a home… put him somewhere private until he gets adopted…” But as soon as those words had plummeted out of his mouth, they seemed wrong, his heart longing for that child he had never seen. Grappling for something to save himself. “He might not even be mine… women lie all the time.” Feeling Gabe’s hand on his shoulder, so he turned his head to him.
“He is yours.”
“Probably. Fuck. We’ll only be sure after the test, anyway.”
“You’ll be sure when you meet him.”
He pursed his lips. “Fat chance! I could not even see that Kevin was not my own… fuck, he has brown hair… I mean, how more blind can you be?”
“You changed, you’re not the same man.”
“Keep telling me this, like a mantra, but I know who I am.”
“Do you?”
Damian looked at him. “Stop fucking around…” He sighed, looking back at the ceiling, his voice veiled with those tears mounting at the back of his throat. “Fuck. Maybe you’re right…” His eyes welling up. He crossed his arms over his chest. “We should sleep…”
Gabe grabbed his shoulder and pulled, waiting until he looked at him. “Won’t you come in my arms?”
“I don’t know… I’m all fucked up in my head…” His lips trembling when Gabe didn’t let go, those hazel eyes watching, waiting. “Fuck… they died, Gabe…”
“I know…” Opening his arms, letting him curl up against him, howl his pain out. His dread.
Watching him dress in his business clothes in the morning, tying his tie smoothly, Damian’s eyes going to him. “What will you do with your day?”
“Hang out with your daughter.”
“Oh… nice. I’ll deal with the legal shit. It will be fine. Board meeting today. We should start looking at houses…”
“Why?”
“We can’t live in a hotel forever.”
“Is it trouble?”
“No…”
“So let’s not hurry this. Let’s see how this all unfolds. I have to go to Qantico for a medical and a psych evaluation tomorrow.”
Damian turned from the mirror. “You… what? You want to work again?”
“That’s the plan, no?” A mild worry in him, seeing his eyes.
Damian stepped close. “I don’t think you should fly… we all know how it ended up last time.”
