Clavius shrugged. “Make him... put him in a situation where he has no choice but to tell you. But not with fear, that won’t lead anywhere. In any case, I guess you could peel the skin off his back, it wouldn’t change a thing about how he relates to you. He looked miserable this morning when I walked in, so...”
Marius looked at him. “So? He mostly looks miserable anyway...”
Clavius spread his hands. “Maybe he’s also tormented like you are. If he has feelings for you, for a Roman general, it must be really hard to admit, even to himself, harder than for you. After all, his village has been wiped out by our soldiers. What does he know of Romans? Rape, murder, being fucked to pieces on Lucius’ estate and during his orgies? A young boy like him, free, and ready to be a fighter possibly, raped, enslaved, and fucked in the ass for years by Romans...? How should he exactly feel, maybe falling for your gorgeous face and blue eyes, general?”
Marius’ face paled. He had never thought of these, of what Kyle could feel, too obsessed with his own feelings, and Clavius continued, his voice soft. “You are allowed to love a slave, Marius, our laws allow it. Hell, he could even be your concubine if you wanted it, not that I would advise that with you being soon married, even so, the possibility is there. What’s your torment then? But what is his torment? He’s a slave, used for pleasure, I’d assume he had not been kissed until he met you, at least, not out of passion, and not taken out of passion either, or other... so he must be pretty conflicted himself if he has developed feelings for you. Guilt, probably thinking admitting it would be a crime, a relationship impossible. And you, in your own selfish way, are making things worse by giving him the cold shoulder and treating him like shit.”
Marius closed his eyes, his emotions whirling. Clavius was right, his words making more sense than anything he had come up with so far.
Clavius continued watching the younger man. “Lastly, my friend, you have to decide what you want. Do you love this young man? If so, this has to be cleared between you and him. If you don’t love him, then just continue what you’ve been doing so far, have a casual fuck, and dismiss him to his room. But you’re muddying the waters and losing yourselves in it. Your erratic behavior must be pure torture for this boy.”
Marius looked at him, wide eyed. “Erratic behavior? Torture?”
“Yes. You're kind and loving one day and then ask him to sleep with you, then the next day, your anger flares and you push him away. He doesn't know what to expect. And if he loves you, he must be in hell right now.”
Marius silenced, his guilt eating at him. Clavius patted his shoulder, rising. “I should be going... think about what I've said, for what it’s worth... and don’t overthink this again...?”
Marius rose to clap him on the shoulder, calm. “Thank you, friend...” He watched him leave and sat down, his head in his hands, his thoughts slowly churning Clavius’ words.
Kyle entered the garden then, slowly, watching his master sit with his head in his hands. He barely breathed when he gathered the plates, his whole body alert, waiting to be told off or shouted at, or shoved against the wall...
Marius watched him from under his hair, his nimble body leaning over the table. He could see Kyle was tense, alert, his muscles taut, and he cursed himself softly. He waited until he’d left to lift his head and he sighed deeply.Make him say it... but how?He got up and started walking to his room when Kyle stopped in front of him, breathless.
He just looked at the terrified young man, his grey eyes wide, his head up, not daring to lower it. His lip had scabbed, a dark patch marring the smooth flesh. Marius sighed, his voice soft. “Sleep in your room tonight, I need to think...”
Kyle nodded and watched him leave, his throat clutching.I need to think... but about what?He felt more lost than ever and hurried to his room, his tears spilling.
Marius had been away all day next day, not saying a word in the morning, leaving with his face grim.
When he came home, he looked at Kyle in the atrium, his face a mask. “Clean yourself up and bring dinner for two in my room.”
Kyle nodded, swallowing. “Yes, dominus.”
Marius left him, and Kyle hurried to bathe. He then picked up the platters and left for the master bedroom, his stomach clenched. The room was in shadows, the oil lamps barely flickering, the terrace bathed in a soft glow by the torches and lamps and Marius spoke to him, half-hidden in the shadows of the terrace’s pillars. “Put the dinner on the terrace table, then close the door.”
He obeyed and laid the dinner out, walking back to close the door.
Marius’ voice flew through the shadowed room. “Bolt it.”
Kyle swallowed, vaguely panicked, his hands trembling as he slid the heavy bolt in place.
They went to the terrace and Marius lay down on a bed, gesturing Kyle over, but before he could kneel, Marius grabbed his wrist. “No. We eat together tonight. Lie down on the other bed.”
Kyle’s eyes widened, but he didn’t dare disobey and did as told, carefully eyeing the Roman, but Marius seemed calm and content.
They ate in silence, Kyle just nibbling at his food, his stomach like a block of granite. Marius glanced at him sometimes, his heart fluttering in his chest, so worried that he could barely breathe.
When they’d finished, Marius rose and took Kyle’s hand, pulling him up. They walked to the terrace’s edge, Rome at their feet, sparkling in the velvet night. Kyle could not speak, his throat choked with fear, utterly confused by Marius’ behavior... again. Marius’ face gave nothing away when he grabbed his shoulder and turned Kyle towards him.
Kyle raised his eyes to his, not wanting to be told off. He could feel the warmth of Marius’ body, so close, but he felt his hand slide off his shoulder and Marius waited, not touching him at all, his blue eyes shining in the torchlight. Kyle studied his face, trying to guess his mood, but it didn’t give anything away and he licked his lips, nervous.
Marius’ deep voice flew softly in the night. “I am not angry at you, and I don’t want to hurt you...” He watched the slave’s shoulders relax a bit, a small nervous sigh escaping his lips, but he was still en guard, his grey eyes filled with worry and maybe something else. “So... I know this is not easy for you, but I’d like you to do what you want now. Just what you feel you want to do, at this very moment, here...”
Kyle watched him, his velvety lips moving as he formed the words, his handsome face glowing in the yellow light, his black hair blending with the night sky studded with stars. He knew what he wanted to do, and it hurt and terrified him. His own feelings like a betrayal to himself, to his dead loved ones... What if this was a trap? A test... but did it matter?He didn’t care anymore, not even if he angered him. The dead drifted away in his head, his long-lost freedom, his fear at what the ghosts would say... only the Roman remained, waiting, his blue eyes calm, his broad shoulders slowly lifting with his breath.
Kyle stepped closer to him, not breaking eye contact, his chest against his chest, feeling his breathing, his warmth. He laced his arms around Marius’ neck and pressed his body against his rock-hard muscles, pulling his head down into a kiss, his mouth prying the Roman’s mouth open, his tongue pushing his teeth apart, teasing him, invading his hot mouth. He felt him respond, and he deepened their kiss, their teeth clashing as they devoured each other, but it was not desperate like before, and Kyle tried to pour all his feelings into that first kiss he had chosen to give him.
He broke it then, softly panting, coming up for air, and Marius’ eyes shone. Kyle looked up at him, his mouth grazing his mouth, breathing the words, not caring about anything anymore. “I love you, dominus...”
