Kyle shook his head.
Marius cupped his chin, forcing his eyes into his eyes. “I’m going to fuck the memory of those men out of you.”
Kyle’s eyes welled up, his heart beating fast, but he said nothing. There was nothing left to say. He had given it all up.
Marius let him go. “Bend over on the bed, feet on the floor. And don’t you dare fucking move.”
He obeyed, waiting, his tears streaming into the sheets and Marius watched him, his anger slowly dwindling.What the fuck am I doing?He watched Kyle’s back move up and down as he breathed, quietly, then walked up to him, standing between his parted legs, slowly caressing his back.
“Missed me...?” There was no answer, and he stopped. “Answer me.”
A soft sigh. “Yes...”
He continued his caresses, pushing his demons back, watching Kyle’s eyes close, his tears spilling silently, and a twinge of pity raced through his heart.This is your love, asshole... what are you doing? He saved your best friend’s life...Marius’ eyes drifted to his daughter’s painting on the bedside table and his face fell, his hate shattered by his love, and he looked down at Kyle with new eyes, that red cloud of raw anger lifted off, shame washing over him.
Marius crawled up on the bed and pulled Kyle up into his arms. “Come here... come here... oh gods, what an asshole I’ve been, love...”
Kyle froze against him, but Marius just stroked him, his side, his back, his hands roaming Kyle, cradling his face, slowly warming him up. “Look at me... I am sorry... forgive me, pet...”
Marius kissed him deep, his tongue stroking Kyle’s mouth, his teeth, his tongue, and Kyle melted at his words, relief flooding him like a tidal wave.
He kissed him back, pushing his tongue against his, slowly, making him moan, Marius close to tears. “I missed you so much... thought you died... I’m so fucking jealous... I love you...”
Kyle just kissed him, unable to talk, overwhelmed by his kindness and love.
Marius smoothed his palm along his cheek, kissing him between words. “Forget fucking... I’ll love you to pieces...”
XVII
Theylayquietly,Mariusbehind him, his head propped on his arm, his other arm around Kyle, listening to the rain spattering the window.
Kyle’s eyes went to the portrait on the bedside table. “Your baby?”
He felt Marius nod, feeling him smile through his words. “Yes... she’s grown a lot, right?”
There was a twinge of sadness in his words, and Kyle held his arm tighter, trying to comfort him. It was still warm under the sheets, but a vague chill radiated off the walls now. They would have to heat soon.
Kyle felt Marius’ lips graze his neck, and he turned his head to look at him, a small smile on his lips. “More?”
“No, love... I just can’t believe you’re here... I thought I’d lost you forever.”
That wild, mad light flicked through his eyes, and Kyle reached up to touch his face. “You were in a lot of pain...”
It wasn’t a question, and he didn’t need to answer, Marius' eyes lost in the distance of his memories. “I guess I lost it a bit... you and Clavius... it was too much... I almost raided that settlement we were going to? It would have been suicide, but I didn’t care at that point... I wanted to die, and join you.” He shivered, realizing now that if Tertullia hadn’t come, he would have run to his death, not knowing they were alive... and his daughter would have been an orphan. “I was selfish, as ever.”
Kyle frowned. “You are anything but.”
Marius sighed. “You are too kind, pet... I don’t even deserve you.”
Kyle turned to face him, searching his eyes. “Are you serious?”
“Yes...” He quieted a bit, his hand tracing the slave’s back, his eyes softly glowing in the dim light. “I should free you for saving Clavius’ life.”
His words chilled Kyle, his lips parting in utter shock.Free. Freedom. A long-forgotten word, something he had banned from his life, accepting fully what he had become, belonging to Marius being probably the best thing that could have happened in this existence, and now, he wanted to end it? He knew about freedmen, free but somehow still belonging to the extended family of their dominus, but as freedmen, they could work, build their own business, have a family, but a relationship would be impossible with Marius... a life with him, in his home...
And free to do what? Move back to his homeland? His village and family gone, wiped out, the land invaded by Romans, roaming an unknown world which suddenly seemed too big, too dangerous.
His eyes grew wide, his panic-stricken voice barely making it past his lips. “I don’t want to be freed...”
