There was something about listening to Aly ramble that soothed the frantic part of my brain. Her normalcy was steadying. Her laughter felt like a rope I could take hold of when everything else threatened to slip away.
“Those two are literal twins, sisters from another lifetime. They knew each other before I came along.” Her gaze lowered as she pressed her sandwich down with her fingers, mind somewhere else now. “I’m not really a good person around here.”
My lips parted. I expected her to say anything, not that. Because it’s not true, not true at all. She’s the kindest person I’ve ever met in my life.
“Not to other people at least.” She shrugged. “I used to be rebellious, but I am changing,” she turned to me, “I get what it’s like to not be accepted. I don’t pity you, not even a little. I just want to try to be to you what Jennie and Layla were to me.”
She watched me for a beat and then smiled, not the loud grin but the softer one that reached her eyes. “When you’re ready,” she said, like she’d only been waiting for permission, “you can come hang with all of us. We’d welcome you with open arms, we promise.”
My throat tightened at the offer. It sounded so ordinary, so simple, but the truth is ordinary offers like that had always been complicated for me. I pictured them all together and felt something small and warm settle in my chest.
She was truly being kind because she knows, knows firsthand what it feels like to be alone, not be accepted and not be given a chance. She was lucky to have those two girls… and now, I had her. She was giving me a chance to have better, to have someone who cares and sees me.
“No pressure.” She started again, “Until you’re ready, I’ll still be here, inviting you to lunch every day.”
The breeze moved again, and for a second I thought the world might actually be kinder than I’d expected.
I gave one small nod as a response. I didn’t know why I didn’t choose to try to say something, but I had a feeling she would understand me anyway. And it seemed like she always did.
“So, just us until further notice?” I nodded again, and she chuckled. “Sounds good.”
She leaned back, continuing to talk as if my being silent this whole time didn’t faze her, not even in the slightest.
I didn’t know if she simply liked speaking or if she didn’t want to force me to speak. Either way, I listened. I breathed it in, the way her voice rose and fell, the way she filled space without asking anything of me.
It felt like the beginning of something small and steady, a version of friendship that might, one day, be real.
Chapter Six
Joshua
I was striding a few feet behind Alex as he was on his phone with his dad. Well, I’m guessing it’s his dad because of his tone and the constant sarcastic remarks.
He might be an asshole, but he didn’t speak to anyone like that apart from his dad, step mum and half-brother. Those three, he had absolutely no respect for, which to me was fair.
Hell, that was how I speak to my own dad, not that I do. I’d rather not. Speaking to him ruins my whole week. The only thing that actually makes life worth living is having a friend like Alex.
God forbid I say that out loud to him. And…
There she is.
Sitting under a tree with another girl, sunlight cutting through the leaves and lying across her face like the world had been built to showcase her.
I slowed without meaning to. My chest tightened, pulled taut, when I saw her mouth curve.
She was smiling.
Not the fake, tight ones she gave teachers. Not the polite, quick ones she gave strangers to avoid confrontation. This one was unguarded. Real. Like it had slipped out of her before she could cage it. It suited her.
Fuck. Itsuited her.
I stopped breathing for a second, just staring, watching how that smile shifted her whole face, softer, brighter, alive. It was new.
That smile had nothing to do with me. It was the girl, with her easy chatter and open kindness, who pulled it out of her.
Not me.
Never me. Of course it wasn’t me. Someone like me doesn’t get to make anyone happy. My hands only know how to take, how to ruin, how to push until there’s nothing left but broken edges.
