He pulls me closer. Takes a few breaths. Opens his mouth to speak, then closes it.
We stare.
If either of us says it, everything’s going to be different.
He puts his arms around me and rests his face against my shoulder. His heartbeat and the rapid rise and fall of his chest comfort me and scare me at the same time. His hair smells like the sea. Like the sky after a storm. I hold him and kiss his temple.
“Crystal. I don’t expect anything from you. Never. It’s just.” He pulls his face up and fixes his eyes on mine.
My heart jumps. He’s going to be the one to say it first.
“It’s no secret after that kiss today, but I need to say it… I love you. I’ve loved you for a very long time.”
He releases the pressure from his arms and waits.
I want him to know everything I know. To feel this in his bones, like I do.
My hands shake as I clutch his collar and pull him to me. Just like he kissed me earlier out in the ocean, I kiss him back with all that I have inside. Every unspoken word, every stolen gaze, every second of silent restraint collapses into this one moment.
And after all those years, that’s all it takes.
We’re consumed by flame, like the cobalt blaze of Kaweah Ijen.
All over each other, we roll through the sand, not concerned with consequences or anyone else’s feelings. Only each other’s. Only the way this feels.
He trails his hands across my body, feeling his way through secret places…exploring. When he rolls on top of me, I feel him. Scared for just a moment, I hold my breath and squeeze my eyes shut.
“Crystal, you feel too good. Tell me to stop.” He’s already pulled down my shorts and is working on his.
“No,” I gasp.
Why is he stopping?
“Don’t stop.”
His brows raise.
“I’m just answering you. Please don’t stop.”
He leans in to kiss me again as the sun rises, spilling amber light across the beach. Snickers drift from behind us. We’re not alone.
We burst out laughing.
He shakes his head as if he can’t believe what just happened. I can’t believe it either. It’s so confusing. And wonderful.
“Oh well. They say sex on the beach is overrated, anyway.” He gently pulls my pants back up and moves back a few inches, trying to calm himself down. “Let’s go back to my cottage. We can take showers. If you still want…”
“Nathan… I’m a virgin.” I lower my eyes, embarrassed.
He squeezes and rubs my thigh. Smiling. “I know.”
“Aren’t you disappointed?”
“No. Never.” He cups my face and kisses me softly. “Who do you want to be tomorrow?” he asks, grazing my lips.
I go still and lose a few beats of my heart when the corner of his mouth turns up the tiniest bit. He’s fighting that damn lopsided smile of his.
What I want is to be yours.
