It’s adorable in a messy, chaotic way. Just like everything else in our lives.
Buzz.
Buzz.
I hear my phone vibrate from the kitchen counter where I left it. Probably another message from work, or maybe Mitch checking in. But I ignore it.
This is our time, Elijah’s and mine.
These precious moments where it’s just us, no distractions, no worries.
It hits me sometimes how fast he’s growing. Seems like just yesterday he was a tiny bundle in my arms, and now he’s this little ball of energy, full of opinions and stories and endless questions.
My little man. Always trying to protect me, even though I’m the one who’s supposed to protect him.
A lump forms in my throat, and I blink back the sudden sting of tears.
Damn it, Clara, keep it together.
“And then, Pikachu used Thunderbolt and zapped the bad guys!” Elijah exclaims, waving his fork around like a tiny conductor. A glob of tomato sauce flies off, splattering against the pristine white wall.
“Oops.” He giggles, not looking sorry at all.
I sigh, grabbing a napkin. “Elijah, what have we said about playing with our food?”
“Sorry, Mommy.” He grins up at me, all cherubic innocence. “I got excited.”
I can’t help but laugh. “I can see that.” I lean over, wiping more sauce off his cheek. “You’ve got more pasta on your face than in your tummy!”
He giggles again, squirming away from the napkin. “It’s the attack of the killer tomatoes!”
I snort. This kid’s imagination, I swear. Never a dull moment.
Outside, the spring sun streams through the windows, casting a warm glow over the kitchen. It’s a beautiful day, the kind that makes you feel alive.
But I can’t quite shake the shadow that lingers in the back of my mind. The memory of that night five years ago.
I glance at Elijah, my heart clenching. To think I almost…
No. I can’t go there.
What matters is that Ididn’t.
I chose him, chose to keep him. And it’s the best decision I’ve ever made.
Even if his father is…
I shudder, remembering the stranger in the mask. The heat of his body, the cold metal of the gun pressed to my skin. The way the world spun, blurred by drugs and alcohol.
I never saw his face. Never knew his name. He was just a ghost, a phantom that left me with the greatest gift and the heaviest burden.
“Mommy?” Elijah’s voice snaps me back to the present. “Are you okay? You look sad.”
I force a smile. “I’m okay, sweetie. Just thinking.”
“About what?”
About the biggest mistake I almost made. About the guilt that still eats at me, even now.
