Stupid girl,it seems to say.You stupid, stupid girl!
Why the fuck does my dress have to speak with my mother’s freaking voice?
Because it’s happening all over again. I let a man too close, and he’s betrayed me. Mateo laid my life bare and stuck it on the walls for everyone to see. Left me naked and exposed.
What happens now…do I lose everything again? Does my whole world come crashing down once more?
What did you expect? Whoring yourself around like a common tramp.
Now it’s my father’s voice and stupidly I clasp my hands over my ears, though it’s useless because the voice is coming from my own head.
I’m not a whore! I take what I want when I want it. I choose who brings me pleasure, that’s all there is to it. Of course Mateo would enjoy it – it’s not my fault I’m so damn good in bed.
Then why do I hate him?
You don’t hate him, Andy…
It’s true. I don’t. And I shouldn’t. He was just doing his job.I’mjust part of his job. And he did it well – as much as I want to deny it, the things he said make sense. Suddenly my mother’s strange outburst in the restaurant is falling into place. She knew about it too. And Mateo’s been putting the pieces together, with me as his ticket into my old world. The fact that I like to fuck like an animal was probably a bonus, but that’s not on him. Lord knows, I asked for it. A lot.
Maybe I’m just pissed because the balance of power shifted. The romantic gestures. The pretty proposal. I let him sweep me off my feet.
Why the hell did he do that anyhow; in that restaurant where everyone knows him? He could have just taken me someplace anonymous. Or no place at all. Why was there any need for a proposal…aside from making my heart break?
Because he’s a jerk.
Except, he’s not. He’s on a mission to take down Mark Whitlock. That’s who my real enemy is here. The man who killed Kyle.
Mark Whitlock. The name still drags up memories of unthinkable pain. Tears well once more and I dash them away angrily with the back of my hand.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? It’s not like you’re a baby…are you a baby, Andrea?”
It’s Mark’s voice now. Mark who’d stolen my innocence. Turned me into the shell of the person I could have been.
“Bullshit!” I snap at myself. “Nobody turned you into anything. You chose who you would become. Own your shit, Andy!”
An icy calm begins to replace the torrent of emotions that drove me from Mateo’s apartment. And now I feel rational thought begin to take hold again. I stare at the dress and empty my glass as everything begins to click into place in my mind.
I know exactly what I have to do next.
Chapter 19
Mateo Ricci
Wedding day
Flanked by Raoul and Dario, I’m a fucking mess of warring emotions. Though it seems I’m keeping a lid on it enough to hold any probing questions at bay. I’m pretty sure I’m pale, even though my heart’s thundering. I flex my fingers and wipe damp palms down the fabric of my black tuxedo for the third time in less than five minutes.
She’ll be here.
The seconds are ticking down to the big moment. Murmurs and rustles from the gathering of people on gold tiffany chairs force me to hold my place near the rose-covered arch where a minister is beaming at me. We got a freaking minister. It makes it all so real. So official.
Why shouldn’t it be? I got down on one knee. Asked her to be my bride.
And then I went and fucked it all up. I should have told her. Why didn’t I tell her? Because I was afraid, that’s why. What if I’d been wrong? I’d have hurt her for nothing. And even being right, was bad enough. It had been a problem I’d tried to solve on my own…just as I always have. Be the man. Take care of things myself.
I should have told her.
In two of the front seats, Mama Rosa and Emilio are seated, their faces wreathed in smiles. Emilio has a white rose in the buttonhole of his well-worn gray suit. He only brings it out for weddings and funerals. Why the fuck do I feel like I’m standing at the latter?
