Savina catches me staring and slows down on devouring her soup. I watch as a crimson blush coats her cheeks. “Sorry. I swear it feels like I haven’t eaten in a year.”
“It’s okay. I like it,” I tell her honestly.
“You like watching me scarf down food?” she questions with a quirked brow.
“Yes.”
Truthfully, it has nothing to do with the food at all. I simply likehow comfortable she is with me. It’s hard to believe how far we’ve come in such a short amount of time. I can remember when the only look I’d get from her was a glare, and the only tone I’d get was one of annoyance. She was so guarded for so long, I never thought I’d break through her icy exterior. In all honesty, she probably thought the same exact thing with me. To say I’ve been cold towards her over the years would be the understatement of the century. I treated her poorly so that she would keep her distance and never find out the truth, which is that I was so head over heels in love and infatuated with her that I could barely breathe when she was in the same room.
“Well, you better get used to it, because I’ve been fantasizing about food for a week,” Savina quips before her lips break into a toothy grin.
And fuck, if that grin doesn’t have my heart skipping a beat, because I don’t remember the last time I saw her smile. It’s been way too long. Everything has been so serious and heavy lately. And after we leave here, it will only continue. But I can pretend while we’re here that everything is okay. I can make her happy even if it’s only for a short while. This can be our temporary paradise, and I’m going to cherish every fucking second of it. Even if the memories of it might completely destroy me later when she’s ripped out of my life and married off to my brother.
CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
Savina
AFTER A DELICIOUSdinner of peanut butter and jelly (hey, we’re slowly running out of options here), Dimitri takes a shower. Bored and tired of staring at a snowy TV screen, I check out his little makeshift library in the corner of the cabin. My fingertips skim over the titles, most of which I have already read. I never pegged Dimitri for aPride and Prejudicekind of reader, but I guess looks can be deceiving. He has a soft side, even if nobody else but me has ever caught a glimpse of it.
A thinner book with no title wedged in between the paperbacks catches my eye. “Is this…” I pull out the thin book and instantly recognize the scrawled, scratched cover. It’s my old sketchbook, the one that I thought I lost back in high school.
I think back to that day when I left it in the cafeteria. I ran into Dimitri on the way back, and he said he didn’t see it. But clearly, he did, and he kept it all of these years.
He lied. But why?
I place it on my lap, tears gathering in my eyes when I flip through the pages. It’s like going back in time. I put all of my thoughts and sketches into this for years. And when I’d lost it, it almost felt like I had lost a part of my soul.
I barely realize Dimitri has even entered the room until I hear the floor creaking beside me.
“You found it,” he whispers.
My eyes jump up to meet his. His dark hair is dripping wet and falls over his blue gaze, which looks worried. And then I notice that he’s only wearing a towel around his waist. My eyes greedily peruse his muscular chest, pecs and abs, which are on full display, and I’m astounded by the number of tattoos covering his skin. He’s never taken his shirt off in front of me before, and I never knew why…until now. I spot a familiar tattoo on his left bicep, and I instantly recognize it because I used to draw it over and over again in my notebook. He took one of my drawings to an artist to be turned into a tattoo?
“Wait a minute,” I start before my voice trails off. Pushing him gently, he flops down onto the bed, grumbling in the process. I don’t think he likes me staring at his ink this closely, but I decide that I don’t care. Curiosity has gotten the best of me, and now I have to make sure he doesn’t have any more of my drawings on him. Quickly, I climb onto his lap, straddling his tree trunk thighs.
“Savina,” he starts, but I clamp my hand over his mouth.
“Just shut up for a second,” I murmur before I hold the open sketchbook up to his forearm, staring in awe as the drawing in my book is an exact replica of his tattoo. I flip to another page and find another tattoo on his stomach that matches. And then I do it over and over again until I realize his body is ninety-nine percent covered inmydrawings. I’m rendered speechless as I try to grasp what this all means.
“I’m sorry I stole your sketchbook,” he starts, pulling me out of my reverie. “You left it behind in the cafeteria one day, and I took ithome with me.” He stares at me for a long time before he says, “I know how long you spent looking for it. I should have told you.”
I spent forever looking for that damn book. I even went as far as checking the lost and found in the library every day for almost a year, hoping that it would be returned to me. And all this time…he had it and was using it to putmyart onhisbody. “What was the first tattoo you copied?” I wonder out loud.
“This one,” he says, pointing to his chest. And there, on his left pec muscle, is my signature. I stupidly had been signing my name over and over in the book. But then I realize it’s not just my name. It’s my first name…with his last name.
Savina Sokolov.
And he had it tattooed right over his heart.
A sense of sadness that I’ve never felt before hits me like a ton of bricks. I don’t know what’s worse — the fact that we’ll never be married and that he tattooed that name over his heart thinking that I would be his forever, or the fact that I thought he hated me so much back then that it forced me to hate him in return.
Tears fill my eyes when I’m finally able to meet his gaze. “I thought you always hated me,” I confess in a whisper.
“Maybe at first. I felt like I was trapped with that contract, like I didn’t have a say in my own life, and it made me so damn angry. Angry at everyone, but especially you. So, I pushed you away, pretended like you were nothing to me. Meant nothing to me.” He hesitates. “But then I got to know you. I grew to evenlikeyou,” he says as if he can’t believe it himself. “Deep down, I think I wanted you to hate me. Because if you hated me, then I wouldn’t have to face what I was starting to feel for you,” he confesses with a tortured sigh. “I never truly hated you, Savina. I loathed the situation we were forced into. But there’s one thing that always remained true. I was always trying to protect you, no matter what.”
I study his eyes and face for any signs of deceit but find none there. Dimitri was protecting me the only way he knewhow. I’m sure he probably resented me for a lot of things, but he never truly hurt me. He was trying to keep me out of situations and away from people who could, though. And I never saw that…until now.
“Savina, the things you said right before they took you,” he starts, but I don’t let him finish.
