Something happened between the two of us. It’sbeenhappening. But he won’t let me confront him about it. When I looked up into Dimitri’s eyes, I was stupidly going to tell him that I was falling for him. But I could see the hesitation and fear of the unknown in his gaze before it was like a switch flipped and he told me to get on my knees. And for some reason, I allowed it to flip and obeyed his command, because maybe I was scared too. Scared of what could happen. Scared of what I was going to say. It’s like the words wereright there on the tip of my tongue. But I also knew that once they were said out loud, I couldn’t possibly take them back. It could mean irreversible damage for both of us, considering the circumstances we’re currently under.
I know Dimitri and I need to stop all of this before someone gets hurt, but I can’t. I physically and mentally can’t quit him. He’s like an addiction, and I only want more of him. I’m a slave to the pleasure he gives me. When we’re together, I can forget about my life and the terrible future that’s awaiting me for a while. I can picture him and I together instead and what could have been.
But we will never be together.
I decide that the nagging, little bitch in the back of my mind is right as I comb out my wet hair in the bathroom mirror. After I left the party, I went straight home and jumped in a hot shower. My discarded costume on the tiled floor a few feet behind me is a blatant reminder of what happened earlier. It was wrong what we did. But, oh my god, did it feel so damn right.
My thighs clench together at the memory of it as I finish combing through my hair. Bringing Dimitri to his knees is something I never thought I would experience. And even though Dimitri was rough with me and treated me like his own personal whore, I hate to admit it, but it turned me on. I’ve been handled with kid gloves my entire life. Dimitri isn’t afraid to take what he wants and push me to my limits, and I love that about him.
And when I sucked his cock, it felt so good to feel powerful for once with a man who lost himself in the pleasureIwas giving him. It was practically life changing.
And I want to do it again.
Even if it’s wrong. Even if I shouldn’t want it.
I mean, it is wrong, and I definitely shouldn’t want it. Any of this.
I slam the comb down on the counter and shake my head, clearing my thoughts. I feel so torn and lost in a million different emotions. It’s actually giving me a migraine the more I think about it. And so, deciding that I need some Tylenol or maybe a strong drink, Iquickly slip on my pajamas and venture out of the bathroom. Darby walks into the kitchen just as I’m pouring a shot of Tequila.
“Uh-oh, what happened? You only drink Tequila when you’re upset.”
“No, I drink it when I’m happy too,” I lie.
She puts her hands on her hips and cocks a brow at me, calling me out without saying a single word.
“Okay, you’re right. I’m upset.”
“Fuck, I knew it. What happened? Who do I have to kill?” she asks, her face and tone completely serious. I’m starting to think that Darbywouldactually kill someone for me. That should scare me; but honestly, I would do the same thing for her. She’s the sister I never had but always wanted. She’s my ride or die. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would kill anyone who hurt her and vice versa.
“No one. It’s just…” my voice trails off as I think about what I want to say next. I don’t want to leave my best friend in the dark, but it’s not like she could understand. I’ve already kept so many secrets from her about Dimitri. I fear she would resent me at this point if I spill the beans about what’s been happening between us.
“Just what?” Darby asks before stalking up to the counter and pouring herself a shot. She downs it in one go; and then pours herself another, downing it as fast as the first one.
I stare at her with a narrowed gaze. She’s not the only one who drinks tequila when she’s upset. “Bad night at work?” I ask, thankful to turn the conversation in her direction instead of lingering on my own muddled mess.
“Very bad night,” she confesses with a long sigh. “My stepbrother showed up drunk. Caused a scene. Scared my staff.” She pinches the bridge of her nose between two fingers before shaking her head. “I just wish he would move away or something,” she confesses in a whisper.
“It’s that bad?” I question. Darby rarely talks about her stepbrother and her true feelings about him. It’s like ajigsaw puzzle when it comes to the two of them. I just get random pieces here and there, and I am constantly trying to put them together to see the bigger picture. I know they have moments where they don’t get along, but he’s the only family she has left since both of their parents are dead. I also know she puts up with a lot of his bullshit because of that fact. Probably way more than she should.
“He’s just such an asshole. I hate him,” she says with a sigh. “I wish he would die,” she then confesses before her eyes widen in surprise that she spoke the words out loud.
“It’s okay to hate family sometimes,” I tell her quickly to try to make her feel better.
Tears gather in her eyes, and I can tell that the confession affected her way more than she’s letting on. I’ve never seen Darby cry before. She’s one of the strongest women I’ve ever met. And the fact that she might cry right now over spoken words is alarming, to say the least.
Looking up at the ceiling, Darby shakes her head subtly as if trying to force the tears away. “I’m just so tired of him causing trouble and bothering me. That’s all,” she responds before pouring yet another shot and knocking it back quickly. A stray tear manages to escape, falling down her cheek as she turns to me.
“Darby,” I start. “If you need to talk —.”
“Nope, I’m good,” she says with a forced smile as she quickly wipes away the tear. “So, how did the costume ball go?” she questions, effectively turning the topic of conversation back on me.
“It was…interesting,” I tell her. Darby looks exhausted, both physically and mentally, and I don’t want to burden her with a long, drawn-out story of what happened between Dimitri and me. Besides, maybe we’re both keeping our own guarded secrets from each other. Not because we don’t trust each other but because the burden would be too much to bear. And honestly, I’m not sure if I’m ready to tell Darby about what’s been going on with the brother of the man I’m supposed to be marrying. Not that I think my best friend would judge me. It’s just that I’ve been keeping the secret for so long that I’m not sure if I’m ready to release it into the universe yet. Saying everything out loud almost seems like I would jinx it all. It already feels like a deck of cards. The foundation is extremely shaky. One strong wind and everything could just come crashing down around me. “But it’s a long story, so I’ll just tell you all about it after we both get some sleep,” I offer in a rush.
“Okay, if you’re sure,” Darby says slowly. But once I give her a convincing nod and smile, she pours another shot and knocks it back. I study her closely, worried. I can see the stress written all over her face and the way she bunches her shoulders as if she’s carrying a thousand-pound weight on them. I like to think it’s all because of her stepbrother being an asshole tonight, but there may be more to the story that I’m not aware of. I want to ask her more, but Darby suddenly announces, “Well, I’m gonna take a shower and go to bed and try to forget this night ever happened.”
I watch my best friend walk away, wanting to stop her but knowing she doesn’t really want me to. Darby has always been a closed book. I’m her best friend, and I’ve only seen a glimpse at the skeletons in her closet. She harbors and carries around a lot of pain and traumatic experiences. There has to be a reason why she won’t walk into a dark room and why she sleeps with her lights on. I can see the haunted look she gets on her face sometimes, but I don’t know if she’ll ever honestly open up to me and tell me about who or what is truly haunting her. It kills me not being able to talk to her or be able to help, but I know she’ll come to me when she’s ready. I just hope she’s ready soon, because seeing her cry tonight was definitely out of the ordinary for her; and quite frankly, it scared me.
My phone on the counter vibrates, and I’m quick to check my notifications. I’m surprised to see a text from Dimitri sitting on my locked screen.
