“Happy belated birthday,” I offer.
“Thanks,” he mutters.
I nervously unfold my napkin and stare at the cutlery spread out before me, wondering how sharp the steak knife really is. Maybe I could accidentally stab myself somehow and get carted off by an ambulance. That’s how badly I want to get out of this date.
No, stop that, I tell myself.I need to give him a chance. I need to givethisa chance.
We sip our wine in silence. I expect him to ask me questions about myself, but he doesn’t. Maybe he’s not curious or maybe he just doesn’t care. I’m starting to think it’s the latter, because he doesn’t seem to be interested in me at all. In fact, he’s barely glanced in my direction since I arrived. You would think he’d want to get a real good look at his future wife, right?
Sighing, I down my wine in misery. The waiter brings out our food several minutes later, even though it feels like four hours, and I’m thankful I can focus on something new.
“How’s your steak?” I ask Pavel before popping a piece of salmon into my mouth.
“Dry,” he answers.
Kind of like your personality, my inner bitch quips. “Oh, that’s too bad,” I say out loud. Pavel doesn’t ask me about my meal, but Ididn’t really expect him to. We eat in uncomfortable silence, listening to the couples around us engage in actual conversation.
Since this date can’t be any more of a disaster, I decide to ask him about something Dimitri would never allow me to do. “So, my best friend, Darby Montague, and I would like to get an apartment downtown. I would like to move out of my parents’ house for a little while before the wedding since it’s still a few months away and —.”
“Sure,” he says, cutting me off.
“Really?” I ask, practically beaming. “I would make sure the apartment is totally secure with a doorman and everything,” I explain quickly.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” he assures me.
I sit back in my seat, in complete awe of his nonchalant attitude. I’m almost positive at this point if I told him I was going to go skydiving without a parachute, he would allow it. Pavel has about as much interest in me as he does the dirty linen napkin he’s balling into his hands before he discards it on the table beside his half-eaten plate of food.
For the rest of the date, I feign interest in my future husband and keep a fake smile plastered on my face. He never questions the smile, not knowing that it’s forced or perhaps not caring.
He talks about his hobbies — model ships and painting — and that he’s a history buff.
“How many times a day do you think about the Roman Empire?” I ask him, thinking back to a TikTok trend I saw about women asking their boyfriends and husbands that question and being absolutely astounded by their eerily similar answers.
He considers my question for a moment and then answers with, “Hmm, probably several times a day.”
I laugh. A genuine laugh for the first time the entire night. “Really?”
“Why? Is that weird?” he asks with a cocked brow.
“No, it was just this TikTok trend. Women askingtheir men on video that same question and their reactions to the answers. Apparently, most men think about the Roman Empirea lot.”
“What’s TikTok?” he questions.
My smile falters. “Oh, it’s an app. It has a lot of dancing and funny videos. And there’s BookTok, which my best friend is obsessed with.”
He nods slowly as if he’s trying to understand my fascination but can’t even be bothered to come up with a response. He simply says, “I see.”
“So, what kind of movies do you like?” I ask in an attempt to change the subject.
“I don’t really watch movies.” And then he adds, “Or much TV at all really.”
So much for thinking we could spend some cozy nights in bed binge-watching our new favorite show or movie. No, I’ll be in bed, and he’ll be in another room playing with his model airplanes or ships or whatever the hell he said earlier.
Brooding, I pick at my plate, having lost my appetite pretty much the moment we began talking. Pavel and I have nothing in common. I’m not sure I had anything in common with Dimitri either, but at least the banter between us could have kept me going. At least he would’ve made me feel alive. I feel like I’m already dead inside with Pavel, and this is only our first date.
Shaking away the thoughts of Dimitri, I decide to power through this even if it slowly kills me. “So, you and your brother are pretty close?” I ask, refusing to give up.
He nods in response.
