When Pavel steps back, he hands the pen to me. I surreptitiously take in his soft features, his brown hair and kind, brown eyes. He’s very handsome, and I hope that’s the only thing he has in common with his older brother. “Thank you,” I whisper before taking the pen from him. Our fingers touch briefly, but there’s no spark, notlike when Dimitri touches me. There’s just…nothing. Keeping my features cool and calm despite that little revelation, I sign the contract below Pavel’s name.
The moment my flourish at the end is finished, Mr. Sokolov says, “We’re done here.” He turns and leaves, Pavel quickly on his heels. But Dimitri hesitates, standing there, not moving, maybe not even breathing, like he’s waiting.Waiting for what?
I don’t dare look at him. I simply close my eyes, wishing for him to leave. It’s over. I don’t have to dread my future with him anymore. His heavy footsteps eventually recede from the room, and then and only then I feel like I can finally breathe again. I swear whenever he’s in the same room as me it feels as if all the oxygen has been sucked out.
“Thank you, Savina. You can go now,” my father says, dismissing me.
Slowly, I open my eyes and give him a single nod. God forbid I stay in his presence for too long. I swear I don’t know why my father even wanted me in the first place. Clearly, I’ve disappointed him over the years. He’s never given a word of encouragement or showed any appreciation for me just beingme.
Sulking on the way back to my room, I can’t help but try to think of any time I actually felt wanted by another human being. I swear my parents never made me feel like that. Lord knows my stepmother hated me from day one. But maybe Pavel will make me feel loved and wanted? Maybe he will be the perfect husband. Ten times the man Dimitri would have been.
But when I climb into bed that night, the relief I was feeling earlier at not having to marry Dimitri slowly turns into worry and regret. At least with Dimitri my life would be exciting. I’m attracted to him. Way more than I should be considering he’s bullied me most of my life. But I know deep down he would protect me. He’s proven at least that much in the past. I’m sure if anyone would even look in my direction, they would have to answer to him. I can’t see Pavel being that protective or obsessive.
I thought my prayers were answered when the contract was amended, but now I think I might have been wrong. The only thing I can do now is give Pavel a chance and hope that he’s just like his brother in some respects, but a nicer, kinder, gentler version. Maybe the spark will slowly ignite between the two of us. But if it doesn’t, then what kind of life am I going to have with someone I can never truly love?
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Dimitri
LATER THAT EVENING,I barge into my father’s office without knocking. He opens his mouth to probably rip me a new one, but the expression on my face instantly changes his mind. Sighing, he clasps his hands in front of him on top of the wood and looks up at me. “I know it’s not what you were expecting,” he starts, his voice deep and gravelly from years of smoking. He looks like an older version of me, but right now I want to tear his fucking head off because I can’t even stand to look at his familiar face.
“Wasn’t what I was expecting?” I huff with a shake of my head. “You completely blindsided me in there!” I yell. I don’t know if I’ve ever raised my voice to my father before, but I can’t think of a better time than right now. He completely changed the trajectory of my lifeagainwithout even so much as running the idea by me to see what I thought about it.
“I’ve been going through the family’s options for a while now.And it just simply didn’t make sense anymore for you and Savina to be wed.” He picks up a pen and taps it against the top of his desk.Tap. Tap. Tap.“Besides, I thought you would be happy. I mean, you were less than enthused about being forced to marry Cipriano’s daughter.”
At first, I fought it with my very being and soul, yes. I’ll admit that. But then things…changed. I don’t know where along the line it became more of awantthan a forced need, but it did. I’d slowly grown accustomed to the idea of her being in my life forever. And I didn’t exactly hate it, surprising even myself. I almost fucking welcomed it.
But I realize I can’t tell my father any of that. I need to stay calm and clearheaded and figure out what went wrong. “Why did you change the contract?” I ask. I desperately want to know.Was it something I did? Is it something I can fix?Fuck, I don’t even know why I want to know. He’s totally right. Ishouldbe happy that I’m not going to have to marry her. But in reality, I’m feeling quite the opposite. And that pisses me off even more.
“Your brother has become a major and unexpected disappointment over the years as he’s gotten older,” he says with a long sigh. “I thought that maybe, in time, he would step up and become the same kind of man you ultimately became. But, alas, he’s still just a weak and timid little boy who will never grow up and be a real presence in this family. He’s certainly not the one I want controlling my business after I’m gone.” He stops tapping his pen and meets my eyes. “He’ll be more suited to become a family man, a loyal husband whose sole responsibility is to protect his wife and to carry on our name through heirs. It’s a better fit all around.”
I bite my tongue. Hard. Until I taste blood. I want to tell him that I’m ninety-nine-percent sure Pavel is gay. That he’ll never make a good husband to Savina because they’ll both be completely miserable with one another. But I don’t. Ican’t. My father is already disappointed in Pavel. If I tell him this revelation, who knows what he’ll do. Probably banish him. Hell, maybe even put a bullet between hiseyes. My father isn’t a forgiving person, and I know he’ll never accept Pavel for who he is.
“I can’t have Pavel running things around here,” he continues. “I need you as my number two. My enforcer. I can’t have you distracted with all of these liabilities and mundane things like a wife and children to worry about.”
I grit my teeth at his words. So, while Pavel gets to go play pretend with Savina and have a semi-happy and normal life, I get to be my father’s dog, obeying his every command. Jumping when he says jump. Killing when he says kill. Just like I have my entire life. The vicious cycle is never going to end just as I was seeing a light at the end of this very long and dark tunnel. But now I see that tunnel has been clamped shut, is flooding with water, and I’m rapidly drowning in it with no way out.
Savina was my salvation. I realize that now. All the shit I was doing up until now was leading me straight to her. And now she’s…gone. Taken from me, just like that.
“At least Cipriano’s daughter looked happy about the change.” My father huffs a laugh, breaking me out of my thoughts.
His words anger me even further. Yes, Savina looked so incredibly relieved at the prospect of not having to marry me. So much so that it made me want to take her into the next room and show her just how much I wanted her. How much I still want her. And how much she secretly wants me. I know deep down she does. I saw her reaction to me by the pool yesterday. She’s been both dreading and looking forward to our arranged marriage just like I have. All of the pent-up sexual tension that’s been building up between us for a fucking decade was finally going to be rectified on our wedding night.
And now Pavel gets that honor.
Angrily, I storm out of my father’s office and back to my murdered-out motorcycle parked in the driveway. I slip on my helmet, buckling it as I straddle the seat. Revving the engine loudly just to further anger my father, I burn some of the rubberoff the back tire as I pull out. The bike screams down the highway as I try to ride away some of my frustrations and anger.
I’ve spent the past decade convincing myself that Savina and I were going to be together. That she would be my wife one day. I’ve waited so long for a taste of her. To touch her. And I’m not throwing all of that away just because she’s marrying my brother.
Savinawasmine.
Sheismine.
She’llalwaysbe mine.
Well, until my brother’s ring is on her finger, that is. And I intend on proving that to her every day until then. She’s not off-limits until she saysI do.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
