“Come on,” Darby says, pulling me out of my musings and leading me towards a table in the back of the cafeteria. The open area is noisy with the clatter of cutlery, murmured conversations and laughter echoing off the vaulted ceiling. She manages to find a small, round table tucked in the corner away from all the other students. It’s perfect for us, because we hate to socialize with people we don’t know. I wouldn’t necessarily call us outcasts, but we’re definitely not part of the cool clique. Darby and I have always just kind of done our own thing, and I’m fine with that. I’d rather have one real best friend than a million fake friends anyway.
We start eating our lunches, and I find myself staring at Dimitri. He’s at the cash register, paying for his meal, and I can’t help but wonder who he’ll sit with. I have no doubt he’ll choose not to sit with us, but I wouldn’t necessarily turn him away. I’m not a monster. I’m sure it’s hard starting at a new school and not having any friends or knowing anyone here. In a way, I almost feel bad for him.
I decide that, if he looks in my direction, I’ll wave him over. But I don’t even get the chance; because as soon as he’s done paying, one of the most popular girls in school, Chloe Emberly, pulls him towards the large rectangular table in the middle of the cafeteria where all the jocks and cheerleaders are sitting. I’ve known Chloe for a while throughout elementary and middle school. She’s always had the reputation of being boy crazy. I can’t remember a time when she’s been single for more than a few days.
My gaze follows them as they both sit down at the table,and Chloe wraps her hand around Dimitri’s biceps, effectively staking claim on him in front of the entire school.
“Ugh, of course Chloe sank her dirty, little claws into Dimitri,” Darby says with an eyeroll.
“Yeah,” I scoff, acting as nonchalant as I can even if, on the inside, I feel like I’m dying. I don’t know why it hurts to see Dimitri with another girl, but it does. I guess I thought both of us would adhere to the no dating rule until we were married, but it looks like he’ll be the first one to break it. Chloe can be relentless when it comes to her conquests; and with the way she’s clinging to Dimitri, he’s definitely next on her list.
“Fuck them both,” Darby announces before she takes a drink of water. “I hope she gives him an incurable STD.”
I force a laugh, because I don’t want Darby to get suspicious if I suddenly get upset over the fact that I don’t want Dimitri to get an incurable disease. Ultimately,I’mgoing to be the woman he’s married to.Ugh, how did my life get so complicated?
I finish my lunch in silent misery and then offer that we spend the rest of the period in the library. Darby agrees, wanting to see if they got in any new dark romance books that she hasn’t read yet. I stand from the table and take my tray to the garbage can, which is near the table Dimitri is currently sitting at. I tell myself not to look, but I can’t help it, and my eyes slowly drift over in his direction.
My heart clenches inside my chest at the sight I see. Chloe is practically sitting in Dimitri’s lap, running her fingers through his thick, dark hair, as she chatters on about something or other. Dimitri’s face is stoic, though, as if he could care less about her or anyone around him. And then his blue eyes suddenly lock onto mine, and it’s like time ceases to exist.
I simply stand there staring at him, and he stares right back. My fingers clench around the tray in my hands, my knuckles turning white. I swallow hard at the unspoken words passing between us in those silent moments.
Chloe looks in my direction before she scrunches up her face atme as if she just smelled something foul. She’s always hated me, ever since we were kids. Darby always said Chloe was jealous of me, but it always felt like there was something more to it than just jealousy.
And as if she can’t stand Dimitri even glancing in my direction, she wraps her manicured hands around his cheeks and turns his face towards her before placing her mouth over his, kissing him.
The room suddenly blurs around the edges, my pulse roaring in my ears, as something inside of me shatters. It’s the same way glass breaks underwater. Silent, no sound, just slowly cracking under immense pressure. It feels like a thousand tiny fractures are spreading invisibly throughout my entire body. It’s quiet, almost elegant in a way with how I’m breaking on the inside while trying to remain stoic and unaffected on the outside.
Dimitri is the first to break off the unexpected kiss. I can’t tell if he’s pleased or pissed off. Maybe both. But then he turns his head, his gaze finding mine once more. I steel my spine and simply smile, slowly, poised as if what he’s doing doesn’t matter to me. Likehedoesn’t matter. All I can hope for is that he can read it on my face exactly what I’m trying to convey. And when I see his eyes narrow on mine, I know that he does.
Satisfied, I put my tray down on top of the stack and turn my back on him and everyone else to go find my best friend waiting for me in the library. Darby already has a stack of books that she’s checking out at the big, oval desk with the librarian, so I find a quiet table in the back and sit down.
I fold my arms and rest my head on top of them. Tears threaten to gather in my eyes, but I force them away. I don’t know why I’m even upset. I shouldn’t be jealous when it comes to Dimitri. I should hate him and want him to be with other girls besides me.
But I don’t feel like that at all. In fact, I feel the exact opposite. And that scares me most of all.
CHAPTER FOUR
Savina
THE NEXT WEEKof school passes by in a blur, and I have effectively ignored Dimitri at every single opportunity like a pro. According to the rumors going around, Chloe and Dimitri dated for a few days and broke up already. Figures. She just had to lay claim to him first in typical Chloe style before attempting to break his heart and then playing the victim. That’s always been her usual modus operandi, so it doesn’t surprise me whatsoever.
But I push all of that nonsense aside, because today is presentation day in English Lit, and I am beyond nervous. I hate talking in front of people, especially my classmates. Although everyone pretty much already knows I have a speech impediment, I don’t like to make it blatantly known. In fact, I’m considered the “shy, quiet girl” for a reason. I don’t talk much unless I have to. Maybe that’s why Dimitri and I get along so well. He’s not big on talking either, and we can sit in comfortable silence most days in class without a single wordbeing shared between us. I’m sure that’s where our similarities end, however.
My palms are sweaty as I hold my essay and notecards in my hands. I’m next, and I’m just waiting for the current presentation to end. My knee bounces under my skirt as I try to listen to what another student is presenting right now. I fail miserably, though, as my mind races.
The same questions buzz around in my head like they always do.
Will someone make fun of me?
Will someone laugh?
Will Dimitri laugh?
I can’t even believe I’m thinking about the last one. Who cares if he laughs? He’s the last person whose opinion I want or need.
“Miss Cipriano, you’re next,” I hear Mr. Pendleton say.
Shit.I had been so absorbed with my own thoughts and fears that I didn’t even know the other student had finished his presentation. I quickly gather my papers and notecards and stand. The entire room is quiet, too quiet, as I walk to the front and set everything down on the podium before me. The words on my notecards blur together as my heart races inside my chest.Oh my god, I might have a panic attack before I even begin.
