CHAPTER SIXTY
Savina
I FEELLIKE I’m going to be sick. My stomach is twisted into knots, and I haven’t eaten for what feels like days. I haven’t been able to keep anything down. The wedding didn’t just sneak up on me; it came barreling down the tracks like a bullet train, hitting me full force and knocking the very wind out of my lungs. Somehow, someway I thought maybe I could get out of this, that I could change things, that Dimitri would be able to save me. But no, my fate is clearly not in our hands, and the wedding is still on.
And now I’m sitting in a changing room inside of the cathedral, waiting for what feels like impending doom. The idea of marrying Pavel is making me physically ill. And don’t even get me started on my mental state. I don’t think I have ever cried this much in my entire life than I have in the past week.
The makeup artist scolds me for the millionth time as tears uncontrollably track down my cheeks. “I’m not doing this!” sheexclaims in an angry huff, throwing her hands up in the air in defeat as she stalks out of the room.
I wish I could say the same thing, but my father and stepmother aren’t exactly giving me a choice in the matter. I’m going to marry Pavel, and there isn’t a damn thing I nor anyone else can do about it.
The worst part is I still haven’t seen or heard from Dimitri since we left his cabin. A part of me wonders if he simply just packed up and left. Maybe he couldn’t handle all of this either. And if he is truly gone, then I consider him lucky, because he doesn’t have to deal with this stupid wedding.
I sniffle, wiping away a stray tear when Darby enters the room. She looks disheveled, and her cheeks are flushed with a crimson red. Her lipstick and blush are also smudged. And if the makeup artist hadn’t just stormed out of the room, I’m sure that would have sent her right over the edge.
“Are you okay?” I ask her in concern. Darby has been very secretive lately, sneaking around all hours of the night and keeping me in the dark about literally everything. I don’t like it, and it has me extremely concerned. Ever since Darby got out of Cillian Kane’s clutches, she hasn’t been the same. Something is going on with her, but she won’t confide in me. I know she thinks she’s protecting me, but it’s doing quite the opposite. I’m worried about my friend; more worried than I’ve ever been during our entire friendship.
Darby’s eyes lock onto me, and she frowns at my current state. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?” she asks, changing the subject, just like always.She’s so damn good at doing that.
I grab a tissue and dab at my face. But when I look in the mirror, I realize it’s completely hopeless. I look like I just ran through a torrential downpour, streaks of mascara and eyeliner running down my face along with the rivulets of tears. I’m not even going to look pretty on my wedding day; and for some reason, that has fresh tears spilling over and making my makeup even worse.
Darby rushes over to me and takes my hands in hers. “Everythingis going to be okay, Savina,” she assures me, but even I can hear the doubt in her voice.
My lower lip trembles as I give her a slow nod. “Sure,” I whisper despondently.
She’s been so distant, aloof and secretive lately. I can’t get a good read on her, and I’ve always been able to read Darby like a book. I hate that our friendship is strained now that we’ve both been through some bad shit, but I hope that we can get through this.Together.
“I love you, Darby,” I tell her earnestly, squeezing her hands before releasing them.
She stares at me as tears well up in her eyes. “I love you too, Savina. You’re like the sister I never had, and I always want what’s best for you,” she tells me before enveloping me in a hug. I hiccup as I try to hold back a sob, but she quiets me. “Don’t cry, because you’re going to make me cry, and then that makeup artist will probably kill us both if she has to fix our eyeliner again.”
That makes me chuckle, and God, it feels good to laugh. I feel like I haven’t laughed in weeks. Everything has been so serious and crazy lately.
I wipe away a stray tear and give her a nod. “Maybe I should ugly cry so that she kills me, and then I won’t have to go through with this stupid wedding.”
Darby’s face falls instantly. “That’s not funny, Savina.”
“Sorry,” I whisper.
“You’re gonna be okay. Marrying Pavel isn’t the worst thing that could happen to you.”
“It definitely isn’t the best thing either,” I tell her with a sigh. If only Darby knew the truth…
“Hey, it could be worse. You could be marrying his brother,” she says confidently.
I grimace inwardly. Even though Darby knows some of what’s been transpiring between Dimitri and me, I have yet to confess everything to her. She knows we’ve probably been fooling around, but she doesn’t know the extent of it, and she certainlydoesn’t know about my feelings for him. All she truly knows is that he bullied me for most of my life and that I hated him for years. But everything is different now. I know all of his secrets, and he knows mine. And I love every damaged part of him.
“I’m in love with Dimitri,” I blurt out suddenly.
The room is so quiet you could hear a pin drop as Darby stares at me, blinking rapidly as if she’s trying to process the words I just confessed. “What?! When did you…how did you…when did that happen?” she exclaims, clearly flabbergasted by my confession.
“Recently,” I admit. “I got to know him, and I fell in love with him.”
“Does he love you too?”
I wring my hands together. Do I really think Dimitri Sokolov is capable of loving me? I go through everything that’s happened recently, everything he’s done and said. And then I answer my friend. “Yes.” Even if I’ll never hear the words coming from his mouth, I know deep down he loves me and cares for me deeply.
“Oh, wow, this is some forbidden romance shit just like in my books.”
