I don't want to just sit back on the sidelines and watch other happy couples. I want to be happy and be in love, get married, have a family — things I never thought I ever wanted.
And even though I'm afraid I'll push her away somehow or she'll just end up leaving anyway, I decide to live in the moment and focus on today and tomorrow.
Baby steps.
I just need to show Katya how much she means to me and hope that it's enough to make her stay here with me.
Forever.
CHAPTER 32
KATYA
AFTER DINNER, JAX and I go up to his room. He leads me, holding my hand and is unusually quiet. Usually it's all I can do to stop his mouth from running and cracking jokes.
I'm starting to get freaked out by the time he pushes through his bedroom door, but my paranoia is quickly replaced with confusion when I see the room lit with what must be over a hundred candles.
The soft glow in the room gives me goosebumps as I look up at him questioningly when he turns to look at me.
"I thought we could try something a little different tonight," he whispers as if he's afraid to say the words too loudly.
He pushes the door closed behind me and cages me against the wood. Leaning down, he captures my lips with his in a soul-searing kiss.
The kiss is electrifying, scorching me down to my very marrow.
My hands slowly creep up between us, and I fist my needy fingers in his shirt, pulling him impossibly closer. It's as if my body craves him to be as close as humanly possible, but then even that is sometimes not enough.
His hands leave the door and travel down the length of my body, gripping my hips roughly to thrust me up against him. I gasp when I feel his erection digging into my stomach. And, as soon as my lips part, he takes it as an invitation to invade my mouth with his tongue.
A battle ensues between us, our tongues both trying to dominate the other one, but I eventually relent. I don't want to fight him anymore. Deep down I want to give in, and I think now is the time to do just that.
He growls in response as he realizes my surrender in the way I go pliant in his hands like putty that he can mold and shape into whatever he wants.
He pulls back, and I draw in a much needed breath. His lips graze down my jaw and then my neck. A shiver runs through me when his warm breath rushes over my skin.
I lean my head back against the door, panting hard as he continues his descent, dropping to the floor on his knees. His skilled fingers undo the button and zipper on my jean shorts, and then he's pulling them, along with my panties, down my legs.
I step out of them and stand before him, bare from the waist down.
Jax wastes no time before he grabs my leg and lifts my knee up to rest over his shoulder, spreading me wide before him. His wet, hot mouth plants a line of kisses up the inside of my thigh, leaving licks of fire in their wake. I arch towards him in response. He drives me mad with lust, and I never realized how truly impatient I was until I met Jax. He makes me want everything he does right that instant. And if I don't get it, it pushes me completely off the edge of sanity.
"Please," I beg.
"Shh," he shushes me before placing another kiss on my other thigh.
He slowly slides a finger along my slit, and I can barely contain the groan threatening to escape. But when his tongue lashes out against my throbbing clit, I let out a long, loud moan, no longer worried about trying to hold anything back.
"You're so wet already," he whispers before blowing a soft puff of air against my most sensitive area.
I sink my teeth into my bottom lip to keep from crying out at the cold spreading across my wetness. I feel like I'm dripping wet for him. Hell, maybe I am.
"Please, Jax," I beg again.
He leans back a little. "Touch yourself for me, Katya. I want to watch you," he says, his gray eyes meeting mine.
Gently, I glide my hands past my aching breasts, skate along my stomach and stop at my apex. The moment my index finger glides along my seam, I inhale sharply at the sensation. He has me completely on edge already. "Oh, Jax!" I gasp.
"That's my girl," he says with a smirk as he watches me. "Show me how you touch yourself."
