And I have no idea why.
When I feel Adeline's hands moving to my back, the feel of her fingernails lightly scraping down my skin and over my scars does something to me. Instead of freaking out or pulling away from her, I allow her to continue to touch me. I can't seem to tell her no or demand she not do it. Instead, it's almost like I want her to.
Hesitantly, I wrap my arms around her, pressing and holding her deliciously naked body against mine. And this suddenly feels…real…too real. It's as if the circumstances of our situation no longer exist. We're just a normal couple making love for the first time, and nothing else and no one else in the world fucking matters.
"Fuck, Adeline," I growl against her neck, no longer being able to tell which way is up. I'm so fucking confused and blissed out of my mind on her. She's like a drug that I can't stop craving more of.
I slowly and methodically piston my hips against her over and over again; my entire body feeling like it's on fire. I'm so close, so fucking close. But I want to feel her come one last time.
When I feel her tight walls gripping me like a glove and the needy rocking of her hips, I know she's close too. I pull back a few inches to look at her devastatingly beautiful face, and our gazes stay locked as I drag one last orgasm from her. Adeline clutches to me as if I'm her lifeline, her body flush with mine as she shudders and cries out my fucking name.
Hearing my name mixed in with her moans drives me over the edge.
The last waves of her orgasm clench around my length, milking my cock as bright, hot pleasure crashes over me, sending burning sparks down my spine. I come with a shout, thrusting erratically into her three more times before completely stilling inside of her.
Groaning, I close my eyes and lick my lips. My arms shake as I struggle to hold my weight off of her. I've never come so hard in my entire life, and the feeling is euphoric, almost surreal.
I open my eyes and stare down at her green orbs, which are studying me. I take in every feature of her beautiful face, etching it into my memory. Our time together is almost up, and I desperately want to remember this moment forever.
The thought of not having her again almost guts me.
And it's in that moment that I realize for the first time ever…I don't want to let her go.
CHAPTER 19
ADELINE
I STARE UP at Lucien as he hovers over me, breathing harshly. His eyes are transfixed on me as I quake underneath him from the aftershocks of what felt like my millionth orgasm. Groaning, he closes his eyes and licks his full lips that I suddenly want to kiss.
What just happened between us is indescribable. I wouldn't be able to describe it even if I wanted to. Something shifted between us, and he became so much more than my captor.
He became my lover.
And for one miniscule second, I allowed myself to play into the fantasy, holding onto him like I never wanted to let go of the dream.
My euphoria is short lived, however, because Lucien's warm gaze suddenly grows icy, and the ever-present scowl that I've become used to appears on his face once more. Without so much as a word or a caressing touch, he pulls out of me, leaving me feeling cold and confused.
He tosses the condom into a small trashcan by the nightstand and begins to quickly get dressed. Mumbling to himself, I can see the emotions as they play out on his face.
Satisfaction…confusion…apprehension…and…regret.
The last one hits me hard as his dark gaze finally meets mine. A few minutes ago, he was making love to me like I was the most precious thing in the world to him.
But now…now it's almost as if he's looking through me. Like I don't exist. Like I'm some discarded, little plaything.
Hastily, I wrap the sheets around my nudity, suddenly feeling very vulnerable and exposed.
Lucien reaches into his pants pocket for a bottle I instantly recognize. He squirts a large amount of the sanitizer all over his palm before hurriedly scrubbing his fingers, hands, wrists and muscular forearms.
Tears fill my eyes as I watch his ritual.Does he think I'm…dirty? Is he disgusted by me?
I can't stop the self-deprecating questions from bombarding my mind. And then I quickly tell myself I don't care. I shouldn't care. Not about this. Certainly not about him.
Lucien let me touch him even though I told him I wouldn't. Keeping my hands on the bedframe proved to be more than difficult when he tore through my virginity. The pain was sharp, but, thankfully, quick. And before I knew it, my hands were roaming all over his sculpted chest, arms and shoulders.
When I moved my hands to his muscular back, however, I felt numerous scars marring his flawless skin. I couldn't help but run my fingertips over the jagged grooves as he moved inside of me. The scars somehow made him more…human, in my mind.
This formidable, unapproachable man, who personified perfection, suddenly became flawed.
