The car ride is mostly quiet except for the satellite radio playing softly in the background.Bottom of the Deep Blue Seaby MISSIO filters over the speakers as I brush Adeline's dark hair away from her beautiful, ashen face.
Her pregnancy explains the morning sickness and not being able to keep food down in her final days on the island that we had blamed on a stomach bug.
It must have been that day in the library when I craved her so badly I forgot to even wear protection. But now that I think about it, there were other times too. How could I have been so fucking careless? I cringe when I think that I didn't even give her a choice in the matter. We never even talked about the consequences…our future…
What if she loses too much blood? What if she loses our baby?
She may never forgive me.
And I don't know if I could ever forgive myself.
I should have been more cautious. I'm always so fucking careful. But Adeline makes me lose my goddamn mind. I'm not my normal fucked-up self when I'm around her. That is proving to be both a blessing and a curse at this moment.
And now I may be losing our baby before we even had a chance to be happy about it.
Every now and then Jackson leans over the seat and checks her pulse. The ever-present frown on his face tells me that things are not looking good.
I can't lose her. I can't lose her. I can't lose her.
I keep saying the mantra over and over again in my head, as if it will make some kind of difference over what I want versus what her body can suffer through and still survive.
But when I hear Jackson respond with, "I know," I realize I must have said the words out loud. Then he says, "Turn left up here, Wraith, and fucking step on it."
I hold Adeline tightly in my arms as Wraith takes the turn at a dangerous speed and the SUV speeds down the highway.
Moments later, the SUV is stopping in front of a large hospital. Jackson climbs out first and opens my door. I climb out with Adeline, grimacing when my shoulder and thigh ache in protest, as Jax and Wraith run ahead through the doors leading to the emergency room.
I haven't stepped foot inside a hospital since I was rescued by my uncle. Back then, my phobias were just starting to develop. And the thought of going inside now has my skin crawling.
I stare at the bright, white foyer with a nurse's desk and an adjacent waiting room littered with chairs. There are a few people seated inside, and I can't seem to stop myself from fixating on one in particular.
An old man is hunched over a chair in the corner, looking like grim death and coughing into his hand. My eye twitches at the thought of how many germs are trapped in the air in that room…how many different strains of bacteria are on just one armrest.
My legs grow heavier and heavier with every step, and I struggle to maintain my balance.
"Fuck," I grunt, trying to pry my eyes away. But it's like watching a car accident. I can't seem to look away, and every heave of his stooped back as his lungs expand to pull in more to expel into a germ-filled cough is burning its way into my retinas.
My own lungs seize; my breath frozen in my chest as a wave of panic hits me like a ton of bricks. My knees threaten to buckle. I nearly drop Adeline from my arms, but manage to recover and pull her against me once more.
Jax looks back through the open automatic doors when he realizes I didn't follow him inside. "What's wrong?" he asks with worry and confusion lacing his features.
I gasp a haggard breath and tell him, "I...I can't..." Shaking my head, I internally curse myself for being so fucking weak, especially now...especially with Adeline's life and our baby's life dangling so precariously on the edge of darkness.
Jax doesn't hesitate. He simply runs to me and pulls Adeline from my arms, ignoring my feeble protests. His eyes meet mine as he apologizes, "I'm sorry, Luc." He backs away with her cradled against his chest, and she looks so pale…so innocent. "I have to be strong enough for all of us right now," Jax says softly.
In silent dismay, I watch him carry Adeline into the dreaded hospital, calling for someone to help them. I can hear the desperation in his voice, how much he cares for her...how much he loves her.
But I saw the shift in his mood and demeanor when I told him she was pregnant. I'm almost positive his love for her now has morphed into something more akin to friendship.
And for that I'm thankful…because right now he's the protector that I cannot be.
With more self-loathing than I have ever felt before in my life, I retreat from the hospital. I stop a few feet away from the SUV and pull in several gasping breaths.
There is only one thing that may calm my troubling thoughts, and I need it.Now.
Rushing to the back door, I swing it open wide and search desperately for my suit jacket. It had fallen to the floor during the high speeds Wraith took to get here. I scoop it up and dig into the inner pocket.
The moment my fingers come across the small bottle of hand sanitizer, a feeling of relief instantly floods my veins.
