"He needed me so much, and I wasn't here," I say softly.
"I know, Penny. I wish I could turn back time. I would change it all if I could."
And because there's nothing else to say, I simply whisper, "Me too."
Later that day I go to the Willowbrook Cemetery. I place flowers on all three graves for Colton's family. There's no sign of Colton ever being here, and I wonder if he ever visits. I have a feeling the answer to that question is no. There are no flowers, artificial or real next to the graves, and long weeds are growing up around the tombstones. I get on my hands and knees and painstakingly pull all of the weeds and clean around the stones.
"I'm sorry I wasn't here," I say out loud. "But I'm here now." I slowly stand and look down at the tombstones, my eyes scanning over their names and dates of death. Tears fill my eyes, but I hold them back. "I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to bring Colton back to me. I'm not giving up on him." I swallow hard before I whisper, "I'm not giving up because I know you guys wouldn't want me to."
Turning, I walk back to my car and sit in silence for a while before finally starting the engine and heading home.
* * * * *
COLTON
I CAN HEAR my mom and dad talkin' in the kitchen as Penny and I race outside and down the front steps.
"Don't get in the pool without changin' into your swimsuits!" my mom calls after us.
Penny beats me to the small blow-up pool in the backyard that took us almost two hours to get filled with the air from our lungs.
"Beat ya!" Penny calls out, pumpin' her hands in the air in victory.
Penny is a girl, but she acts just like a boy. I guess that's why I like her so much. Everyone in our class always calls her a tomboy, and some of the boys at school used to make fun of her. I say used to, because I beat up enough boys in town that they know better than to make fun of my best friend now.
I pick up the hose that is currently fillin' up the small pool. "Hey, Penny!" I call.
She stops dancin' around and turns to look at me. And that's when I spray her in the face with water.
"Colton James!" she screams as she tries to duck away from my relentless sprayin'.
I chase her around the yard, completely dousin' her with water. She's beggin' me to stop, but I continue to spray her, laughin' as she tries to block the strong stream of water with her hands.
"Colton James, stop!" she cries out, holdin' her hands up in surrender.
I lower the hose and stare at her. Her long blonde hair fell out of its signature ponytail and is now plastered to her back. She's soaked from head to toe, but she still looks pretty. Pretty? Since when do I think of my best friend as pretty? Shakin' the thought from my head, I tell her, "My mom only calls me Colton James when I'm in trouble."
She flashes me a sly grin and steps closer to me. Her breath tickles the shell of my ear as she whispers, "You are trouble, Colton James."
My breath quickens from her closeness. I've only ever thought of Penny as a friend, but now I think I might want her for my girlfriend. Before I can ask if she wants to be my girl, she grabs the hose from my hands and sprays me right in the face. I sputter in the water as she giggles hysterically. I hold my arms up, blockin' the water and stalk over to her. I'm bigger than she is, so it's no feat when I grab the hose from her and throw it to the ground. She has time to gasp before I scoop her up in my arms and carry her over to the pool. She screams and giggles and tries to resist. And then I throw her in. She splashes in the water for a few seconds before standin' up, lookin' madder than a hornet in an old Coke can.
I stare at her long blonde hair stickin' to her face and her beautiful gray eyes peeking out behind thick strands, and I can't help but grin. It's in that moment that I realize I love Penny Preston.
"I'm tellin' your mama!" she yells before climbin' out of the pool.
I laugh as she storms off to the house to tell on me. Yeah. I've loved my best friend for a long time. I just didn't know it before then.
Penny.
Penny.
I wake up in a cold sweat. The namePennyrushes out of my mouth in a hushed whisper. My ragged breaths and poundin' heart are the only sounds in my quiet bedroom. My chest heaves as I try to catch my breath.
I scrub a hand down my damp face and breathe in and out deeply, tryin' to calm my erratic heart. "Fuck," I sigh out loud.
Even though the dream is quickly fadin', I know it was about Penny. And it wasn't just a dream. It was a memory. I don't have dreams like that very often, but they always trouble me. Ever since the accident, my memories only come to me now and then; and I always feel emotionally drained after I get a piece of my missin' past back.
And with the newfound memories comes the heartache at how much I have lost. I don't want to remember. It's too painful. So I push the dream to the back of my mind, refusin' to acknowledge any of the details.
