"I came downstairs to get a drink of water…and he…he was ---." He hiccups and stops talking. Tears stream down his face. I've never seen Colton cry before. Not even when his mom died. He was always strong like that, not wanting to show his feelings on the outside even if he was breaking down on the inside. But it's a good thing that he's letting it all out. He needs to release the pain that he's been keeping locked up inside for so long.
"He was such a good dog," I whisper. "It seems just like yesterday we went to the farm to get him."
Colton looks up at me in surprise. I'm sure he has no memory of the day we got Mack or that I was, in fact, along for the ride. After a few moments, he hesitantly says, "Tell me about him when he was a puppy." His brows furrow. "I can't remember."
I smile through my tears. "Well, I was with you the day you got him. Your dad invited me along for the ride along with you and Connor. We drove out to a farm in the middle of nowhere. They had a litter of bloodhound puppies running around as soon as we got out of the truck. Your dad told you to pick one out, and you walked over to five little wrinkly balls of fur. They all ignored you and went running after your brother and me. Except for one." I look fondly down at Mack. "You scooped him up, and he licked your face, and that was it. He chose you."
Colton chuckles. "And who named him Mack?"
"You told me I could name him, and I chose the name Mack." Colton seems taken aback by this revelation. "We took him everywhere with us. He had a lot of adventures when we went hiking and walking in the park. My parents never allowed me to have a pet, so Mack really felt like my dog, too." I swallow past the lump forming in my throat. "I loved him." I lean down and press a kiss over Mack's furry head. "He had a great life, Colton. Any dog would have wanted the life he had. He was truly loved and taken care of."
My words seem to have an effect on Colton. He grabs me and pulls me to him, and I hold him tightly as he cries in my arms. We cry together for what seems like hours. And I finally feel like Colton is trying to open up and allow me in even if just for a little while.
"Everyone close to me either gets hurt or dies. Everyone leaves me," Colton whispers in my ear, and I can hear the heartache lacing his voice.
I wonder if that's why Colton tries to keep me at a distance. Is he subconsciously trying to protect me by pushing me away? I file that away in the back of my mind to think about later. My arms squeeze him a little bit tighter. "I'm here, Colt. I'm not going anywhere."
He pulls me impossibly closer to him. "I treat you like shit, Penny."
I shrug a little. I couldn't really disagree with him there, but this is a special circumstance. Colton isn't being a jerk just for the hell of it. The accident turned him into a different person, and for the first time since I've been back into town I'm beginning to realize it's not his fault that any of this is happening. If he hadn't had the brain injury, he would be the same Colton that I knew almost my entire life. It's not his fault that he's changed. But maybe, just maybe I can help bring him back.
"We can't change the past, but we can try to do better in the future," I tell him.
He nods in agreement, and I hope that he means it. I want my Colton back more than anything in this world.
After a while, we gather ourselves up off the floor and set off to do what needs to be done. Colton grabs a shovel from the shed, and I carry Mack's limp body outside. We bury him near the garden and under a shade tree where he loved to lay on a hot summer day. With tears in our eyes and a rainstorm looming overhead, we hold hands and say our last goodbyes to Mack.
"I'll miss you, Mack. Sleep now, boy. We'll see you again someday," Colton tells him.
Colton doesn't let go of my hand as he leads me back into his house just as it starts to rain. We spend the next two hours drinking beer on his sofa. We sit in silence, getting pretty close to being shit-faced.
"Thank you," Colton says after he finishes his last beer.
I smile at him. "Anytime."
He stands and moves to one of the windows. Lightning flashes outside and a roar of thunder rumbles through the house. "It's really coming down out there. Why don't you stay the night?" he offers.
I stretch out on the couch and nod. "The couch is looking mighty fine right now," I say with a yawn.
He smiles and stares at me for a few moments before he finally goes upstairs. I don't know if he wanted me to sleep with him upstairs or not, but I decided that the couch was the safest and less awkward option. I'm not in the business of pushing my luck when it comes to Colton. I'll take what I can get.
I grab a throw pillow from the back of the couch, and I'm asleep as soon as my head hits it.
* * * * *
SOMEONE IS SCREAMING.
My eyes snap open as my senses slowly catch up to my sleepy brain. Thunder rumbles outside, and for a moment I think that's what woke me up. And then I hear it again --- Colton is screaming.
"Shit," I mutter, scrambling up from the couch and running up the steps in a sluggish fog. I go immediately to his old bedroom, not knowing if that's where he still sleeps or not.
I push open the door and see him on the bed, his hands fisted in the sheets and his head turning rapidly back and forth. "No, no, no!" he's calling out.
He's having a nightmare. Quickly, I run to the side of the bed and watch him struggling in his dreamy state. It makes me feel sick and completely powerless to see him in that much pain, even if it just a dream. "Colton," I say, gently shaking his shoulder. I think it's going to be better to wake him up than let him live out the obviously horrific nightmare.
His hands twist the sheets around him, and it's almost like he's drowning in them. "Colton!" I yell. He continues struggling, and I quickly get up on the bed and untangle him from the sheets. It takes a lot of muscle and determination, but I finally rip the fabric from his hands. I throw the sheets to the floor, and a startled cry rips from my throat when I feel Colton grab for me.
He crushes me against his chest, his hands painfully tugging at my hair. "I couldn't…I couldn't save you," he whispers in my ear.
