I reach behind my back and reveal the gift that I have spent almost every waking hour the past few weeks putting together.
"Happy Birthday," I say shyly as I set the scrapbook on his desk in front of him.
He stares at the picture of us on the cover for the longest time without speaking that I begin to worry. "It's a scrapbook," I explain. "Open it," I urge. His fingers are shaking as he opens the cover to reveal the pictures and memories inside. "I kept almost everything from when we were kids," I clarify. Tickets, movie stubs, pictures, diary entries, flower petals, even the wrapping paper and the bow from the first present he ever bought me. I watch him carefully as he thumbs through the pages.
His entire body begins to shudder as he reaches a picture of his entire family and me standing in front of the willow tree by the pond. Suddenly, he slams the book shut, sobering up quickly. "Why…why would you do this?" he asks through gritted teeth.
It takes me a few moments to realize that he's…angry? I don't understand why my gift would upset him. "I thought maybe it would help you remember us."
"I told you that I don't want to remember! Why can't you understand that?" he yells, slamming his fist down on his desk.
I jump from the sound and begin to back up towards the door. "Colton, I was just trying to help."
"Help? You want to help me? Go away! Leave! That's how you can help me! I don't want to remember you or anyone else, Penny. Ever!" he roars. He picks up the scrapbook and throws it against the wall on the other side of the room. The book practically explodes on impact, and all of our memories fall to the floor in a messy heap.
I stare at all my hard work scattered on the linoleum. I spent weeks putting that scrapbook together, thinking that he would appreciate it. I had no idea it would lead to this.
Tears fill my eyes instantly, but I refuse to let him see me cry. I stumble out of the room before I say something I'll regret forever. Just when I thought we were taking a step forward, we take ten steps back.
* * * * *
COLTON
I WATCH PENNY leave. I saw the tears in her eyes, but I could care less at this point. I'm tired of her tryin' to fix me. I don't want to be fixed, and I don't want to fuckin' remember my past. Rememberin' equals pain, and I'm so tired of bein' in pain. I don't want to remember everything that I have lost. It's better for me to just live in the now and cope with what I'm able to cope with. That scrapbook felt like a bomb goin' off inside of my head --- so many pictures and memories all at once. My brain is on overload.
I stand up, pressin' my knuckles into the wood grain of my desk. I'm seethin'. A migraine fractures its way through my skull, and I grit my teeth and growl like a feral animal.
Out of the corner of my eye, a figure appears in the doorway. "What the fuck did you do?" Buddy asks. "I saw Penny runnin' out of here cryin'." His gaze darts to Penny's gift, which is now in pieces on the floor. "Damn it, Colt," Buddy mutters. "Do you know how long she spent on that, man?"
I shake my head, rubbin' my temples in the process in an attempt to ward off this migraine. I don't care. Not really. But then I find myself askin', "How long?"
"Weeks. She was so excited to give it to you, too. I thought it was a great idea, but obviously you didn't think too much of it," he scoffs, wavin' his hand toward the mess.
I shake my head. "Why does she keep pushin' me to remember shit I don't want to?" I ask, angrily.
"Because she loves you. I don't know why, because you're the biggest asshole on the planet to her, but she fuckin' loves you, Colt." He puts his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heels. "Just put yourself in her shoes. What if you had a girl you were in love with almost your entire life, and then one day she just forgets who you were. Wouldn't you try to win her back?"
I let his words settle in, but I don't let them affect me. "Penny needs to learn that I will never be the person she remembers. I'm different now. I'm not the same."
"Yeah, no shit. The Colton I knew would never have done somethin' like this," he says, pointin' to the mess on the floor. "He would have been ashamed of himself for hurtin' Penny's feelings. And he would've most definitely apologized."
I shake my head and exhale loudly. "I wish people would stop tryin' to compare me to who I used to be. I'm never gonna be that person again."
Buddy stares at me for a long time before he says, "Well, that's a damn shame, because that guy was my best friend."
He leaves after that, and I'm left in the bar alone. It feels like I'm always alone. After a few minutes of silence, I run my hands over my face in frustration. I stomp over to the cluttered pile on the linoleum, intendin' to throw everything in the trash. I stare down at the pictures, the cute little sayings, flower petals, movie stubs, newspaper clippings, ribbons and everything else she obviously spent hours and hours puttin' together to make me this gift.
"Fuck," I mutter, shakin' my head. Carefully, I gather every piece from off the floor and take them back to my desk. It's nearly three in the morning and I'm drunk with a splittin' headache; but I spend the next few hours puttin' the scrapbook, which she worked so damn hard on, back together again.
* * * * *
PENNY
THE NEXT MORNING I wake up and find the scrapbook that I made Colton on my doorstep. Instead of it being in a million pieces, it was carefully reconstructed to almost pre-temper tantrum condition. I scoop up the scrapbook, place it on the kitchen counter and stare at it for a long time. He took the time to put it back together, but I feel like the scrapbook is not the only thing he broke last night.
I really thought my gift was going to open up some opportunities for us. I thought maybe it would jar some distant memory and make everything right as rain. Boy, was I wrong. My gift had the complete opposite effect, and it was devastating on so many levels.
I don't understand what happened. Colt and I were getting along so well, and then one thing sets him off and we're suddenly back to square one. I just can't win with him, and I don't know if I ever will. And the thought of never getting my Colton back scares the hell out of me.
