I smile at him. They always say you get more bees with honey. I guess it's true since Colt is being nice to me for once.
"See you later tonight?" he asks.
"Yep. See you then."
I have to force Mack to stay behind once again. I love spending time with him. He was like my dog too growing up since I spent so much time at the Crawford's place. I was there the day they got him, and I'm the one who named him. I wonder if Colton even knows that.Probably not, I think to myself.
Buddy opens the door when he sees me coming, and his eyes grow wide when he sees how many pies and cakes I baked for the bar. "Wow. You were a busy bee today," he comments. He takes the box and sets it down on the counter. Then he looks at me, cocking his head to the side. "What's that smile for?" he asks me.
I didn't even notice I had a goofy grin on my face and that I've been grinning the whole way from Colton's house. I shrug at Buddy. "Just happy, I guess," I tell him. I'm pleased as punch that Colton and I made a little bit of progress today. And a little progress is better than nothing at all.
* * * * *
COLTON
I WATCH AS Mack whines and paws at the door after Penny leaves. I'm still tryin' to get over the fact that Penny was here a lot when she was a kid. My parents thought of her like a daughter? There is way more to this story than Penny is lettin' on. She was a big part of my life, bigger than I could have ever imagined. She's definitely downplayin' the wholewe used to be friends thing. And if I had to put money on it, I would say we loved each other at some point.
Rubbin' the back of my head with my hand, I stare at Mack and call him atraitoronce again. I feel miserable that a dog can remember Penny after five years, but I can't. Life really isn't fair. I definitely learned that the hard way.
I get to work on cleanin' up the kitchen. I cram the dishwasher to the brim and run it, and then I set out to hand wash the rest. Alone with my thoughts can be a dangerous thing, and I feel myself daydreamin' about how things have changed since Penny came into my life --- or back into my life, I guess I should say.
My feelings for Ruby Sue are different somehow. I still think she's pretty and smart and fun, but she just can't compare to how I feel when I'm around Penny. None of it makes sense considerin' I haven't known Penny for very long and I've known Ruby Sue for three years. I don't know why I feel this closeness with Penny when I didn't even know who she was a week ago or that she even existed.
I finish up the dishes and stare at the apple pie that Penny made for me. The instant the crust had hit my tongue I had remembered the taste. I could almost feel my mom's presence here, and it made me happy, but broke my heart at the same time. I should want to remember things like that, but it kills me every damn time. When you have lost everything you care about in this world, it's hard to want to relive moments that are now only memories. Because my family is just that now --- only memories. It's a constant reminder that they're not here in the physical world, and that destroys me more than anyone will ever understand.
I lost my mother to cancer eight years ago, and my dad died just a little over a year ago from a heart attack. He fell into a deep depression after mom died that he never recovered from. He was under a lot of stress from tryin' to raise two young boys and run a business on his own, and Connor dyin' was just the icin' on the cake. His heart attack was sudden, and it took me by surprise. He was the only one I had left to rely on, but suddenly he was gone too. Now my entire family is dead, and I'm responsible for Connor's death. I couldn't save him. That night replays in my mind constantly and plagues my nightmares. I couldn't save any of them, whether it was my fault or not, and now they're all gone.
Sometimes I feel like just givin' up, but I haven't fully given up…yet. I'm still goin' strong, but it's my past that's weighin' me down. That's why I don't want to remember anything or anyone. I've lost it all. I've lost everyone. Why would I even want to remember?
The closer Penny gets, the more I want to push her away for this exact reason. And that's what I do best --- push people away. I don't want to love her…or even like her, for that matter. People that get close to me die.
It's like I'm fuckin' cursed.
I take the apple pie and throw it in the trash --- plate, fork and all. I decide it's best to keep my distance from Penny, keep shuttin' her out. I can't let her try to heal me, because I'm beyond healin' at this point. I'm irrevocably broken, and nobody is gonna put me back together again.
CHAPTER 6
PENNY
COLTON'S BIRTHDAY IS coming up in a few weeks, and I want to do something special for him. I spend all day in the city, shopping for just the right gift, but I come up empty-handed. I'm saddened by the fact that I don't know him as well as I used to. I don't even know what he likes anymore. Stopping at a craft store for some more baking supplies, I come across the scrapbook section. My eyes dart around the different books. And before I know, I've collected a scrapbook and all the fixings for the perfect gift. I have tons of photos and boxes of things I have kept over the years that pertain to Colt and my relationship.
I'm feeling giddy as I check out at the register. I can't wait to get home and get started. It will take a while to get the scrapbook put together, because I want it to be absolutely perfect. It will be a great way for Colton to remember me and remember how we used to be. Maybe it will even bring back some of his memories of me.
I'm in a happy fog as I return home and get ready for my shift at the bar. Buddy comes up to me about an hour into work and asks, "Remember how I told you Shelby Rae is fixin' to move back to Willowbrook?"
I nod in response.
"Well, just so happens that she's comin' in a few weeks. Her mama told me she needs help with movin' expenses and whatnot. So I thought maybe we could do some sort of fundraiser to help her out."
I instantly perk up. "That sounds like a great idea, Buddy!"
"I was thinkin' I could rent some of the equipment that they use for the summer carnival. A bouncy castle for the kids, a dunk tank, a merry-go-round." He pauses and smiles at me. "And maybe we could do a bake sale?"
I smile back at him. "I'll start slaving away."
Buddy brushes my chin playfully with his knuckles. "That's my girl."
My smile slowly fades as I think about how much time I'll have to spend at Colton's place. I worry my bottom lip between my teeth. "I just hope Colton doesn't mind me being in his kitchen more than usual."
