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THE APARTMENT IS small, but cozy. I take a quick tour through the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and living room. It's fully furnished with hand-me-down furniture that has seen better days…back in the '70s…but it's more than what I had just five minutes ago, so I can't really complain. Beggars can't be choosers, after all. And if I decide to stay longer in Alabama longer than a few months, I can update everything as I go along.
Buddy collapses onto the couch after hauling my heavy suitcases up the flight of stairs on the outside of the building. "I'll give you your work schedule tomorrow and a uniform."
I cock a brow at him. "Uniform?"
Buddy grins. "Yeah. There's a uniform, Penny."
From the tone of his voice and the look on his face, I'm a little scared as to what the uniform might consist of, but how bad could it be.Right?
"I really appreciate this, Buddy." I just hate how my relationship with Buddy has also been strained since I got back into town. Buddy was always my best friend too; and he was always the third wheel, tagging alongside Colton and I wherever we went. Now he's got an attitude with me, and I have no idea why.
"I wouldn't do it for just anybody. I want you to know that…even though I have my doubts," he says while looking everywhere in the apartment but me. I'm starting to wonder if something else happened while I was away to make Buddy act this way with me. Our relationship is definitely strained, and you could cut the tension in the room with a knife. "But if you're serious about stayin' because of Colt, then I'm not gonna stop you. That boy needs a swift kick in the pants to get his heart kick-started again." Buddy pauses and looks me in the eye. "He ain't been right since you left, Penny, and I'm talkin' about before the accident, too." I watch as he sits up, placing his elbows on his knees and resting his chin on his hands. "He missed you like crazy from day one. You were the only thing he talked about. He couldn't wait until you came back on break." He hesitates before saying, "But then everything happened, and you never came back."
"He stopped calling me, Buddy." I stare up at the ceiling and blink tears away. "I thought he had found someone else, and that's why I never came home. But I didn't know about the accident. I didn't know that's why he stopped calling me."
Buddy stares at me for a long minute. "He didn't stop callin' you because of the accident, Penny. He stopped callin' when he heard about your new beau up in New York."
His words send a shockwave through me. I never dated anyone in college even after Colton stopped calling me and broke my heart. I couldn't bear to think of being with anyone else but him. I went through college, determined to finish and determined to come back home someday…to him. I stayed the course, never strayed. "What new beau?" I ask, alarmed.
He slowly stands and narrows his eyes at me. "Your mama told everyone in town about the new beau you found in college. Some handsome asshat with a BMW and a lot of dough. She said you two fell in love and were gonna get hitched right after college."
"That's not true!" I cry. I pace around the apartment with my head in my hands. "Oh God. She lied about that too." I stop walking and stare at Buddy. "There was no one else, Buddy, I swear. Even though the phone calls stopped, I never stopped loving Colton. I didn't even so much as kiss another guy while I was in college. Hell, I haven't even kissed another guy in five years! It's only ever been Colt. It's always been Colt," I say with a sob. "My mama…" I choke on my words. Then I start again. "My mama told me Colton had found a new girl. I didn't believe it until he stopped calling and stopped texting me. Then I believed her. I believed her. She never told me about the accident." I cover my face with my hands and cry. So much deceit had happened over the past few years, and I had no idea. Everything was suddenly coming to light, and it was completely devastating. "After a few months of silence, I started calling him again. I must have called him a million times, but it always went to voicemail. Then his number was disconnected. I thought he was ignoring me, so I just…I gave up on him." I shake my head. "I should have tried harder. I shouldn't have given up on him."
Buddy takes me into his arms and holds me tightly. "I believe you. I believe you, Penny." He sighs in my hair. "You always were a terrible liar, and I can tell that you're not makin' this shit up."
His words almost make me chuckle, but my laugh chokes out around another sob. No wonder Buddy's been acting so weird since I got back into town. He thinks I screwed over his best friend. I would be mad at me too if I were him.
"I can't believe Colt thought I would cheat on him." I pause and give a slight shake of my head. "Well, I guess I did the same exact thing to him."
"I don't know if I ever truly believed it. Colton told me numerous times how he wanted to go to New York and talk to you about it face to face. He just never got the chance to do it."
I pull myself out of Buddy's arms and crumble into a chair in the kitchen. "If someone would have called me, I would have been here in a heartbeat. I would have left everything behind to be with Colt."
Buddy nods and exhales slowly. "You got to understand how it was from our point of view, Penny. You left Colton and went to New York. Your mama told us all here the same lies she was tellin' you. Colt got wind that you had a new beau in college. He went ballistic and stopped callin' you out of anger. Then the accident happened. He was in a coma for months. You never came to see him, so we never called. I just figured you knew."
I shake my head slowly. Everyone assumed I would know. Of course they would, though. I was Colton's girlfriend. I should have known.
"His dad died a few years later, and I was the onlyfamilyhe really had left. I wanted to protect him. I thought if you haven't seen him in this long that you didn't give a damn. That's why I didn't call, Penny. Not because I didn't want to hurt you, but because I didn't want to hurt Colt." He sighs. "Colton was a mess after the accident, Penny. He didn't want to know anything about his past, and so I never even told him about you." He hesitates before saying, "It's as if you never existed."
Buddy's words rock me down to my very core. I swallow back the sob threatening to escape. In that moment, I loathe my parents with a passion. They never approved of Colton. They always wantedbetterfor me, but they never could understand that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted Colt with all of his flaws no matter what. I loved him. Istilllove him.
"So he doesn't remember anything?" I ask, not knowing if I really want to know the answer.
Buddy hesitates. "Every now and then he remembers stuff. He blocks so much of his past out that he doesn't really give himself a chance to remember much."
I pace around the room around, struggling with my emotions. "Why didn't you tell him about me? Why didn't anybody tell him about me?" I say, raising my voice to almost hysterics.
"I tried!" Buddy yells back. "Damn it, Penny, I tried! He didn't want to know anything about the past. Every time I tried to bring something up, he would flip out and disappear for days on end. No one would know where he was. We were all on edge, thinkin' that he was going to just wind up killin' himself over the guilt. He didn't want to remember. Hedoesn'twant to remember." He pauses and then says, "I think he blames himself for Connor's death…or maybe for all of their deaths. I don't know." He shakes his head sadly. "Life hasn't been easy on him. Colton's lost everyone he loves, Penny…including you because he won't allow himself to remember."
Tears fill my eyes as I grip the arms of the chair. I try to calm myself down and let Buddy's words slowly absorb. "So only certain memories have come back to him?"
"He remembers his family, because he's surrounded by them in that house --- the pictures, the memories, the moments of his life and everything that his dad told him before he died. He would listen to his dad and only him. His father tried to help him down to his very last breath. He didn't want Colton to go on livin' on a blank slate. He wanted Colt to remember everything, but he refused. The more information he gave, the more Colt started to withdraw from everyone. Like I said, he doesn't want to remember. I don't know the exact reasonin' behind it, but I'm sure he has a good excuse for not wantin' to remember his family…and you."
My entire body trembles. The past few days have been a nightmare. I had no idea what I would be coming home to when I left New York not even a week ago. "He doesn't know who I am, Buddy. It's as if we're strangers." I say the words out loud, but it's impossible to believe them. Colton and I have shared so much in our lifetimes. We have known each other since we were babies, but now I'm the only one who remembers our life together. He has no idea who I am. The notion is almost inconceivable.
"I know," Buddy murmurs. "Funny how life works sometimes. I never pictured a world where you and Colton weren't together in it. You guys were destined from the start." He sighs and shakes his head. "You shouldn't have left, Penny. I know you didn't have much choice in the matter, but you shouldn't have left."
