Then it hit him. It was many years ago. They had been children at the time and Ava had fallen, hurting her leg. Kai was the one who had helped her back up again. He had hidden her face so that their siblings didn’t notice she was crying, for she plainly feared being belittled for it.
He closed the distance between them and raised a hand. She stared at him curiously, but didn’t move back. He brushed the backs of his fingers across her cheek, ready to wipe away those tears if she allowed them to fall, but Ava was as stubborn as she was good hearted. She clearly refused to let them fall.
“Ava, what dae ye mean?” he whispered, pressing her again to tell him something, to let him in on her pain, not because he wanted to know, but because he wished to help her.
“Because nay man can be there all the time tae protect a woman. We need our own strength too.” She backed away from his hand, letting it fall between them, then turned and strode into the cave.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Ava stared into the fire that Kai had made up by the mouth of the cave. The warmth was filling it so that it was actually rather comfortable. Despite the heated air and the comfort of the yellow flames, Ava sat huddled by the fire, her arms wrapped tightly around her body.
She had shed her weapons and her cloak, all laid nearby, the weapons within easy reach if she needed to grab them. Any time there was a sound beyond the cave, her fingers inched to grab the basilard, only for Kai to go and investigate, then return with a shake of his head.
“It was a fox,” he said after his latest investigation. He sat down beside her, his knees close to the fire, and reached into a saddle bag, pulling out some muslin-wrapped packs of food. He passed the first to Ava, encouraging her to eat with a wave of his hand. As she slowly nibbled at the salted ham, she shifted her gaze from staring endlessly into the fire to Kai instead.
He’d been mostly silent. He’d given up talking to her about the bandits or her future marriage, and now focused on just eating instead.
“Why have ye stopped?” she asked, pausing with her food as he ate with plain hunger.
“Stopped what?”
“Asking me. I ken ye.” She gestured to him. “Ye usually always persuade people tae tell ye things they think they willnae tell ye. It’s one of yer skills, isnae it? It’s why ye make such a good scout. Ye’re good at… manipulating people.”
He looked up sharply from the food.
“Have I ever manipulated ye, Ava?” His words left a hollow feeling in her chest, accompanied with guilt. Hurriedly, she shook her head. “Good. If ye wanted tae tell me anything, ye ken ye always can, but I seem to understand there is something ye dinnae wish tae discuss with me. I’ll make me peace with that.” He returned to eating, leaving Ava staring at him in wonder.
Since she was young, Kai had been there for her. Even when she was a child. When she had first talked about learning to be a warrior, rather than a lady who concerned herself with embroidering tapestries, he had supported her before any other had done. He had been the person she could trust most in the world.
That feeling of guilt spread through every part of her body until the salted ham was left quite forgotten in her lap.
“Something happened tae me.” The words came with great difficulty. She decided to focus on staring into the fire instead. Though she could not understand why, it was easier to look at the flames than Kai. “It happened years ago though it feels as if it happened just last week.”
Out of the corner of her eye, she was aware that Kai had stopped eating too. He didn’t move a muscle as he waited for her to go on.
“I was walking in the forest outside me faither’s castle. I’d always felt safe there, hunting. I didnae think anything about it when I came across a man. I dinnae even ken who he was.” She screwed up her nose, trying not to think of his face, though it was burned in her mind as if it had been scalded there with a hot iron. “Maybe he was a traveler, I dinnae ken, but we started talking. The moment I put down me bow and arrow to go and tae look at a rabbit I’d fired at, he moved toward me and grabbed this wrist.”
She held her hand up in the air, bearing the pink marks that the bandit had put there today. “He wouldnae let it go. He used it tae tussle me first against a tree, and then tae the ground. He… he ripped me skirt.” She paused, needing the break. Lifting her eyes from the fire she now saw Kai was holding his breath. He was the one who was now staring at the flames. “He didnae get what he wanted.”
The moment the words were out of her mouth, he breathed again. He discarded the muslin pack in front of him and ran a hand across his face, scratching the stubble on his chin rather harshly. His face was contorted, as if he was in agony all of his own.
“I fought him off, though I struggle really tae remember how. I think there were rocks. I remember throwing one at his face with me other hand. I kicked him, a lot. He left a mark on me.” She brushed her thigh through the skirt of her gown. No one ever saw that mark but her. “He ran away with blood pouring from his temple, staggering.”
Kai bent forward, his face in his hands.
Ava didn’t know what more to say. She hadn’t ever told anyone else that story before, not even Lyla, but now that the words were out there, she felt a strange sort of lightness. As if a heavy plaque of ice that had been frozen on her back was starting to melt.
“Ava, I’m so sorry,” Kai whispered suddenly, his voice breathy and weak. “I dinnae ken what tae say.”
“Ye dinnae need tae say anything.” She shook her head. “Ye are the only one I’ve ever told, Kai.”
He turned his head to face her, blinking rapidly. She was startled to see the pure anger shimmering in his eyes, though he was plainly doing his best to stop it from pouring out.
He sighed heavily and threw himself back onto the ground, above the cloak he had laid out. With his hands over his face, he just lay there, breathing heavily. Shaking.
Ava tried to busy herself. She tidied away their food, but she couldn’t leave him lying like that alone. He looked depleted, as if what had happened to her had crumpled his spine.
Shifting back to sit beside him, she then laid down beside him on her own cloak. At first, there was space between them. It seemed like a great gulf.
