The best—or worst—part was that Ellie couldn’t speak with anyone about it. She couldn’t even object to Aidam’s assignment. What possible reason could she have to object to Sinclair’s nephew and current heir being assigned as her personal guard? None—not unless she wanted to humiliate herself and ruin her betrothal and her clan’s good name.
“What’s the matter?” Jemina asked. The two young women sat together in Ellie’s sitting room on either end of the little table in the corner. Ellie glanced up at her, wondering how on earth she was supposed to answer the girl.
“What makes ye think something is the matter?” she asked cautiously. Jemina was already excellent with her letters, but Ellie had found a shocking lack of formality in how the younger woman addressed people. Today, they were practicing writing formal notes, which Jemina had declared ‘an utter waste of time.’
Jemina raised an eyebrow. “Yer face has looked like a storm since I told ye about Aidam. Is there some problem between the two of ye? I thought ye were friends.”
“Nay,” Ellie quickly and unconvincingly replied. “It’s just…Aidam and I, we’re…it’s…”
Jemina’s eyes widened. “Ye and Aidam arenae…?” she asked in a hushed voice. “Ye’re naelovers, are ye?”
“Nay!” Ellie protested much more firmly this time. Oh, bother, that was the exact reaction she was worried about by objecting to Aidam’s assignment. She wasnother mother. “There’s no such relationship between us. I am betrothed to your father, and even if I wasnae, Aidam has more than enough women to keep him amused without me being involved. I just find him smug. Arrogant. I’d rather any other guard.”
Jemina didn’t look like she believed Ellie’s words, but she nodded anyway. “If ye say so. However, ye’re wrong about Aidam. Aye, he’s a bit full of himself, but he’s hardly the flirt everyone makes him out to be.”
Ellie raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
Jemina shrugged. “Well, I’ve kent him me whole life. Aye, he has lassies to keep him company wherever he goes, but he never lies to them. He always tells them that he isnae interested in marriage. He’s told so many women that he willnae marry them that I think he’ll have to seek a wife in Wales at this rate—and yet the women come to him anyway.”
“That’s silly,” Ellie replied, shaking her head. “What do they think? That they will make him change his mind? That his words mean naught?”
“I dinnae ken, but what I do ken is that every one of those women claiming that Aidam disrespected her is a woman who kent what she was getting into,” Jemina replied. “That’s why ye shouldnae listen so much tae rumors, Heloise. I ken that the noble courts are all about it, but I’m nae one for it. After all, people make up all sorts of stories to make themselves feel better.”
Ellie pondered the wisdom of the girl’s words, absently tapping her pen on her paper as she thought. There was no ink, so thankfully, her letter wasn’t yet ruined. “But why?” she mused, half to herself. “A handsome fellow like him, he doesnae need tae bounce between women and allow them tae make up lies. He could have anyone he wants.”
“Excepther,” Jemina replied. “Though God only kens if she ever actually existed.”
“Her? She?” Ellie asked.
“The lassie he’s loved since he was a lad. Och, he says he’s forgotten, but I ken he hasnae. I remember,” Jemina said with a smirk.“He used to talk about her all the time—this lovely lassie with a fiery temper and a smart wit. Apparently, she never gave him the time of day, but he wanted her for years. He stopped talking about her a few years back, though. Said it was time to move on. I dinnae believe it for a moment.”
“That’s absurd, Jemina. Aidam Sinclair has never had one true love. He’s been bouncin’ from lass tae lass since he was in short pants. Yer cousin is not ken tae be pining away for any lass, no matter how bonny,” Ellie said, unsure if she were trying to convince Jemina or herself. It was easier to think of Aidam as fickle and capricious rather than heartsick over a love he could never have. She wanted to keep him in her mind where he belonged, as a foolish, silly boy. Not a man with true feelings and desires.
“That’s where ye may be wrong, my lady,” Jemina said. “There is much more tae me cousin than one can see with only their eyes.”
Ellie tried to look uninterested as she turned back to Jemina’s letter and pointed out a few mistakes by comparing her own, but she could feel her hands shaking. Who was this mystery woman that so captured Aidam’s fancy? Did she know her? Did he kiss her like he kissed Ellie? Did he look upon this mystery woman like he looked upon at her at the loch, as if he were a starving man and she the feast? Why did she suddenly feel hot under her shift?
It would be silly—ridiculous even—to think that the girl to whom Jemina referred to was out of Aidam’s reach. Surely Aidam would havesaidsomething. He could have any lass he desired. Why did Ellie suddenly care so much anyway? If there were truly a mystery woman Aidam pined for, that would solve part of Ellie’s own problem. That meant he wasn’t truly interested in her or her betrothal to his uncle at all. She should be relieved by Jemina’s admission.
And besides! I was never interested in him, anyway, not truly.
It was becoming increasingly difficult to convince herself, never mind anyone else. Truthfully, sure, she may have had a childhood attraction to Aidam, but she was past that now. She’d been past it for a long time. Hadn’t she?
“He’s kind, Heloise,” Jemina told her unexpectedly.
“Who is kind?” Ellie knew they were still speaking of Aidam, but she had had enough revelation about the man for the morning. It was better to feign ignorance.
“Aidam,” Jemina said. “I ken he’s a bit rough around the edges, but if he’s asked tae protect ye, he will. I’d trust me cousin with me life, nae matter what personal matters ye have or dinnae have between ye. Do ye think ye can believe me? Do ye think ye can trust him?”
“Jemina, it’s a tad complicated,” she replied. She could see expectation in the lass’s eyes. Their friendship was still young and hanging on by a thin silken thread. The last thing Ellie wanted was to disappoint the lass.
“If ye like, I could tell father that I’d like Aidam for me own guard and get ye another?”
Ellie considered the girl’s offer. She was so sweet and earnest in her offer to help. It was an easy way out. All Ellie had to do was say the word, and Jemina would do her this favor without any questions asked. But no, she couldn’t ask it of the girl. ‘Twas not fair to put her in the middle of whatever emotional turmoil Ellie was feeling toward her cousin or her father.
And a new curiosity burned inside her, one she barely wanted to acknowledge. Jemina’s story about the mysterious girl hovered in the back of Ellie’s mind, tormenting her, making her want to know more.
“Nay,” she finally said, though she could barely believe that the words were falling from her lips. “Nay, I’ll keep Aidam with me. Better I ken what he’s doing, after all.”
They went back to their letters, and Ellie tried hard to ignore what looked very much like a knowing smile on Jemina’s lips.
