“Ye will be my undoing, Sassenach,” he said, from low in his throat. Kieran pulled her against him again, their naked chests touching. Vivien placed her hands on Kieran’s shoulders, leaning back slightly as he dipped his head to rain kisses down the length of her throat and down her chest. He peppered a few more against her breasts, holding one firmly in his hand, his calluses rough against her skin, his other arm wrapped around her waist to keep her close to him.
Kieran pushed Vivien up against the cabin wall, grinding his hips against hers slowly. He gripped her wrists in one hand, holding her arms above her head while he suckled on one nipple.
Vivien’s body was on fire. Every inch of her being was enflamed with passion and desire. The burning sensation between her thighs was intense, both painful and pleasurable at the same time; she felt giddy with her need as she began to move her own hips against Kieran’s.
A soft moan escaped her lips as Kieran bent down slightly, letting her arms go until he could reach under her skirts. Vivien felt bereft at the loss of his chest against hers, but the anticipation of what he would do to her was overwhelmingly powerful.
He lifted her skirts up higher as he stood back up, pushing himself against her once more. His fingers trailed along the outside of her leg as he did so, leaving flashes of goosebumps in their wake.
Sparks trailed up Vivien’s leg, following the agonizingly slow path he was taking up with his fingers.
With a shock, Vivien realized that for the first time in her life, she was growing wet between her thighs. She began to panic for a moment, unsure if this was natural or not, but Kieran reclaimed her mouth with his, leaving her fear to dissipate as though it had been blown away with the wind.
Her body ached in places Vivien did not know it could; the fervor flowing through her veins would not abate. She needed to be released from the blaze of fire that threatened to bring her to her knees.
Everywhere that Kieran touched her was set alight; whether it was his mouth or his hands, it did not matter. Vivien’s body was strung like a finely tuned violin, burning beneath his touch.
His breathing grew more ragged as Kieran broke their kiss. With a start, Vivien felt him fumbling with the ties at his waist, trying to undo his breeches. She darted a quick glance down, confirming her suspicion.
Real panic set in instantly.
Kieran was preparing to make love to her.
She could not let him. He could not know she was broken. It would break Vivien into tiny splinters if Kieran realized she was unable to please him.
The fantasy of being taken by Kieran, of releasing the flashes of burning desire within her, was dashed to tiny shards around Vivien.
“Stop, please,” she begged, her voice hoarse with the passion still driving her to distraction.
Kieran dropped his hands immediately, his eyes widening with something akin to horror.
“I’m so sorry, Vivien,” he said, as he backed away from her, holding his hands out, palms towards her, “I didnae mean tae push it so far. I apologize; I ken it was wrong.”
Vivien shook her head, trying to find her tongue but falling short.
“I just cannae help mysel’,” he continued, his face red with embarrassment as he struggled to meet her gaze, “Yer always on my mind, I cannae get ye out o’ my head either. I should not have….”
Vivien felt helpless and desperate at the same time. She wanted nothing more than to make love to Kieran, but she was incapable. If anyone had a reason to be embarrassed, it was her.
“No, Kieran, it’s not you,” she said, finally finding the courage to say something.
“O’ course it is me, Sassenach. There isnae a reason tae protect my feelings – I ken yer a married woman, an’ I cannae even pretend I should ignore that,” he shook his head, eyes dropping to the floor as he inhaled deeply.
“I am so sorry,” he said, his eyes finally meeting hers again.
“It really isn’t you, I swear it,” Vivien insisted, folding her arms across her chest, hoping to feel less naked and vulnerable. She was already ashamed of her incapability as it was; she did not need Kieran staring at her in disgust once she had told him the truth.
Vivien took a deep breath and plowed right into it.
“I’m broken,” she said, hearing the anguish in her own voice, “I can’t make love – I am damaged and unable to bring you pleasure. There is something wrong with me.”
“I dinnae understand,” Kieran frowned, his eyes searching her face as though he would find clarity in her expression. “What dae ye mean yer broken an’ unable?” he asked gently, not a hint of distaste in his tone.
“Just that – I am unable to perform my…” Vivien paused, blushing furiously with her own humiliation, “… wifely duties,” she whispered, her eyes downcast.
“What dae ye mean? I really want tae understand, but I dinnae see how ye can say such a thing?”
“It is what Lord Stone tells me. We have never managed to consummate our marriage; we have been married for almost a year, and I have never managed to bring him pleasure. He tells me that I am useless and pathetic for it – that I am no use to him as a wife. I cannot provide an heir to him; he would cast me aside in an instant if it weren’t for my large inheritance.”
