Kieran’s brow furrowed as he contemplated Vivien.
“He has his army commander bringing in extra mercenaries for it. I overheard them speaking about it after supper last night. They plan on attacking your granary. I didn’t know what to do, but I had to tell you,” she carried on, feeling the weight of the silence between them growing heavy.
“Why?” he asked.
“Why? I don’t know why – I don’t know why he wants to attack you the whole time.”
“Nae, I mean, why are ye telling me, Vivien? Ye dinnae owe me anything. He is yer husband; yer loyalties should be tae him.”
It felt as though someone had punched Vivien in the gut, forcing all of the air out of her lungs.
He doubted her.
Kieran still doubted her.
There was no denying how much that hurt her, how deeply it stung her.
“You still don’t believe me?” she whispered, turning her back on Kieran, unable to continue to face him.
Her emotions were at war again – she was both deeply hurt and bitterly angry at him. She had done nothing but try to help him since they had met; Vivien knew full-well that she should be doing the exact opposite. But something in her yearned for Kieran, and she could not deny that part of herself. It was the strongest attraction she had ever known.
Vivien had grown so accustomed to being invisible, to being dominated and domineered by the men in her life that she had all but given up trying to do a thing for herself. She had finally begun to feel alive again, to care about herself again, when she met Kieran. She felt she had a purpose – even if it were only to try to help a man she could never be with.
And all he could do was doubt her.
Enough was enough.
“That’s it,” she said, still not turning around to face him.
“What’s it?” she could hear the concern in Kieran’s voice; it only fueled her determination further.
“I am here, trying to help you, putting my own life at risk. I am lucky I could get away – Stone expects me to take a guard with me everywhere I go now. I could only leave without one tonight because he is away, seeing to his gun powder supplies – supplies he needs to attackyourgranary, I might add. And what do you do? You question my motives. Still. Again.”
Vivien finally turned around, staring Kieran dead in the eye.
“No, I don’t have to tell you anything. You are right; I owe you nothing. Nothing but my life. But I owe Lord Stone absolutely nothing,” Vivien took a deep, steadying breath. The release of so many years of pent-up anger and anguish was heady. She finally felt a bit of the weight of her oppression lifting off of her shoulders. Vivien was finally returning to being the woman she really was, and she was not unhappy for it.
Kieran opened his mouth as though he was about to say something.
“Don’t,” Vivien said, holding her hand up to stop him, “I am here because you are all I think about. Every day. All day. I cannot get you out of my head, no matter how much I try.”
She shook her head slightly as though that would dislodge him from the stronghold he had taken up in her life.
“Sassenach,” Kieran said gently.
Vivien could see the tenderness creeping into his eyes again, that look he seemed to get that was reserved exclusively for her.
“Kieran,” she whispered, “I know it is wrong. I know I should not think the things I do; feel the things I feel. But I do, and I cannot stop. I have not stopped since the day you saved my life. You literally saved my life, and you think I don’t owe you anything?”
He took a step closer to her, bridging the gap that had yawned between them for the duration of their time in the cabin together thus far. He was just that tiny bit too far away from her for Vivien to be able to reach out and touch him, but he was close enough that she could feel the heat rising off his body. She could see the vein pulsing in his neck, his pulse quickening as she watched him, studied him. She could smell the scent that was so distinctly Kieran and lose herself in those chestnut eyes that always threatened to drown her.
He was right there, the man Vivien wanted to be with, more than anything else in the world.
He was right there, and she could not be with him.
Chapter Sixteen
“Ye don’t owe me anything, Vivien,” Kieran replied, his eyes searching hers.
