* * *
Kieran had let his hand linger too long on Vivien’s throat. He let her go the moment his self-restraint kicked in.
His own actions had shocked him to the core; he had not meant to grab her at all – least of all around the neck.
Vivien’s eyes had turned from desire-filled pools to flames of rage in seconds. Kieran could not blame her; he was furious with himself. She, too, had every right to be.
The shame he felt burned through him like a fire through dry kindling; it was not his intention. He had scared the daylights out of her, and he could not blame her if she never even looked at him again, never mind speaking to him further as he stood there, wide-eyed.
He could feel his hands trembling at his side, back stiff to avoid shaking like a candle flame in the wind; Kieran knew he had made the biggest mistake he could have when it came to a lady like Vivien. She would never want anything to do with him again.
And all of it because he had wanted to kiss her again.
Nothing more, nothing less.
The need that burned through his body had become too much to handle; he had lost control of his faculties, his body overruling his mind as he was driven crazy by the sound of her voice, the depth of her eyes, the blush that crept up her cheeks slightly whenever he looked at her.
Kieran knew he had been hard on her – he knew he could have handled things better, differently.
But now that he had done this, there was no going back.
“I am sorry, Lady Stone,” Kieran cleared his throat, finally finding his voice, ‘I didnae mean tae offend ye. It was not my intention at all.” He focused on her. There was a chance that Vivien would call her guards at any moment, and the fact that he had no weapons on him was a problem; he knew that much. If they decided to attack him – or even take him prisoner – Kieran stood no chance. There was only so much he could do without a weapon in his hands.
There was a reason soldiers were told to leave their weapons behind when they entered a foreign castle. It was a show of might and power and a subtle reminder that should they cross the line, there would be no mercy shown.
There was a garrison full of soldiers in this castle. Even if he and his men made it past those in the castle itself, they would be dead men by the time they reached the bailey.
“I am perfectly fine,” she said calmly – too calmly – chin high and back straight, every inch the lady. She herself seemed to be unsteady on her feet as well; Kieran cursed himself for his foolish behavior. A woman of her class had no business being with a brute like himself.
He could not delude himself. There would never be a chance for them to be together, no matter how much he wanted it. No matter how much he felt, he needed her in his life.
It was foolish to think there was even a tiny glimmer of hope.
He looked at the Sassenach, trying his best to keep himself steady.
He had been so angry when he had walked into this room. The longer he was left alone with Vivien, the more his anger faded, and his desire grew.
He could barely hold himself together by the time he had grabbed her; the lust coursing through his body all but controlled him. He had forgotten why he had been angry entirely by that point. There was nothing about her that he did not like – from her hair down to the way she held herself tall and composed, even though he knew she was as shaken as he was at the sight of him.
“I didnae mean tae grab ye, Vivien. I cannae explain what happened – all I wanted was to…” Kieran found he could not finish the sentence; he could not admit what was going on inside his head and throughout his body. His pride alone would not let him. If she were to refuse the feelings that he felt for her, he would surely crumble to dust at her feet.
“Wanted to what, Kieran?” she asked, her hand automatically going to her neck, causing a pang of pain and regret to lance its way through Kieran. He had done irrevocable damage to the woman he never wanted to hurt.
“It is improper o’ me tae say, my lady, just ken that I never meant tae dae that. I don’t ken what happened tae my self-control. I apologize a thousand times over. I ken it changes nothing, but I must still try.”
Vivien nodded, seemingly lost in thought. She inhaled deeply, her eyes focusing on his once more.
“If there is nothing else you wish me to tell Lord Stone, I will have my guards see you out, Sir Kieran,” the words as cold and hard as the ice that covered the ponds in the deepest, darkest days of winter.
“Nae, I have said my piece,” Kieran replied, his heart sinking into his stomach at the detachment he could see forming in Vivien’s posture. He had never seen someone close themselves off to him as quickly as she was doing. “Thank ye for yer time, my lady,” he bowed deeply, turning on his heel, his back to her.
“Ah, there is one last thing,” he said, not turning around to face her, “Pass along one last message for me tae yer wonderful husband. Tell him we will certainly meet one day. He’d best be prepared.”
With that, Kieran marched out of the room, his men following him swiftly.
He refused to look back at Vivien; it would only serve to break his heart further.
Chapter Eleven
