“I wish to speak about yer future,” Magret’s words made Laura stiffen in the seat again.
“The future?”
“Aye, as nice as it is to have some help round here, especially with me agin’ bones,” Magret gestured down to her body, “ye and I both ken it is nay permanent solution. Do ye have a plan, lassie? What kind of future ye want?”
Laura struggled to answer for a minute. She rested her eyes down on her cup and played with the handle as she thought through her options.
“I guess I always thought I would get a job somewhere,” she sighed.
“As a boy or as a lass?”
“A woman,” Laura replied, lifting her eyes again as she realized how difficult it would be. To go around as her true self, her father would surely have to give up looking for her first.
“A tall order,” Magret hummed to herself, shaking her head. “Ye will need a plan of how to obtain it.”
“I know,” Laura nodded, chewing her lip in thought. “I guess part of me hopes that at some point, my father will just give up looking for me.”
“Dinnae ye say yer husband-to-be wanted yer dowry?”
“Yes,” Laura agreed.
“Aye, then they willnae give up easily. Money makes many a man do a foolish thing. It fills them with greed and ambition. It could be many years before they abandon lookin’ for ye. Do ye really want to hide as a boy for so long? Would that make ye happy?” Her brown eyes seemed to pierce Laura, fixing her to the chair.
“No,” Laura admitted, seeing no point in being dishonest. It was very well to hide as a boy for a while, but she missed being herself. She looked forward to the day where she wouldn’t have to worry about disguising her voice, where she wouldn’t have to sit differently and eat in a more ungainly fashion either.
It was fun for a while, but I miss the real me.
The real her was someway between the freedom that being ‘Billie’ offered her and the formality that being Sir Hamilton’s daughter.
“Then there is yer answer,” Magret tapped her cup down on the table. “Ye need a plan, lassie. A way to be ye again soon and stay here in Scotland.”
“Yes, I will have to think of something.”
“Good, well, as long as ye’re thinkin’ about it. Come on, up with ye, off to bed, Magret needs her sleep too, ye ken,” Magret waved her to her feet, and Laura followed quickly, wishing the older woman good night before retreating to her chamber with one lonely candle for company.
As she finished the tea and set the empty cup down on a nearby table, she took a seat on the side of the bed Magret had given her. It was not a large chamber, small really, but it was well-dressed and finely kept, matching the rest of the house.
As she rested back on the bed, Magret’s words returned to her:Would that make ye happy?
What would make me happy?
With that thought came a face and a distinct memory. As she closed her eyes, she was with Erskine again. At first, they were on his horse together, just talking, laughing, enjoying each other’s company. Then the memory morphed into when they had stood together beside the loch, arguing. That argument Erskine had put a quick end to with his kiss.
For a few minutes, Laura was reliving that kiss. She rolled over on the bed and placed her fingers to her lips, remembering the sensations and the tingles Erskine had caused from the heat of his mouth on hers.
He makes me happy.
This realization hit her hard, and her eyes flew open again. Over the last few weeks of journeying up to Scotland, he was indeed the one who had made her happy every step of the way.
This knowledge came with a sudden conviction.
This plan for my future, is there a way to make a life that has him in it?
She hoped there was. The idea of not seeing him anymore was gut-wrenching. Never sharing one of their easy conversations again, laughing together, or never kissing him again…that was too awful a future to think of.
She sat up in the bed and watched the candle flicker beside her, breathing heavily as she thought of the way Erskine had touched her, bringing her knee up beside his hip. It had been so intimate.
Am I falling in love with him?
