Torcall let his hands drop. “I see. I will nae do that again. I send me regards to the lucky man.”
“Torcall,” she said.
“Aye?” he asked her. What could she possibly say?
Nothing. There was nothing. “‘Tis naught.”
Torcall nodded his head. “I see.”
He turned around and walked to the mattress where his food lay. Quietly, he ate it up while Ceana watched from afar.
“Do I ever tell ye thank ye?” he asked her after a moment’s silence?
“There is nae need-”
“Nae. That is untrue. If ye had spoken a word in me defense that day, naught is to say that yer family will nae go for it. Thank ye.”
Ceana said nothing. She hadn’t needed, expected, or wanted his appreciation. She had definitely not wanted it when his eyes were this bland. They were void of the spark she was used to. She wondered why that was. Torcall didn’t fancy her. He had made that much clear, hadn’t he? Why then did he seem downcast after learning that she had someone else?
“Torcall?”
“Aye?” he didn’t look up at her, and so she said nothing. After her silence had gone on, he lifted his gaze to her. An eyebrow was arched questioningly.
“Do ye kiss women as ye’ve kissed me?”
“Aye,” he shrugged.
Ceana felt her heart ache. “Has any been the same with how we kiss?”
Torcall shrugged. “Ye, my dear Ceana, are a novice. A kiss might only be spectacular when ye find a man right for ye but ‘tis nae the same with me. I understand women and possess that ability to make every kiss special.”
Ceana felt the ache in her heart overwhelm her. “I see.”
Torcall’s eyes lingered on her for a while before looking away dismissively. Not only had he just told her that there had been nothing special about their kiss to him, but it also occurred to her that he kissed every woman the way he had kissed her. Her heart ached, and she had to leave.
She waited where she was, barely holding back her tears while she watched him eat. However, at long last, he was done. Ceana swept in and picked up the bags.
“I will take me leave,” she said to him.
He nodded.
There were no questions asked, and he hadn’t attempted to sway her. Could her heart ache anymore? She turned out of the room as quietly as she could and closed the door. Torcall stood up to help her lock up the iron chain, but she didn’t meet his eyes. Not a word more was said as Ceana closed the second door and fled the prisons.
It was the first time she hadn’t waited for the bell, Torcall realized. He had lied to her, but he had had no choice. He had never felt the way he felt when kissing her. It was foreign, and it was new. He had kissed many women, yet he hadn’t felt what he had felt with her. How had she been able to recreate it? Was it something about her lip? The way it felt? She could make a man crave for her. He had lied even more; he’d said that he wished the man luck. Ha! He wanted to kill him with his own hands.
Ceana had been his one day, and suddenly, she wasn’t. His? His? Had she ever been his? And how long had she known this man? It must have been recent. She couldn’t have known him when she went to the loch at night with him. It had to be recent. Perhaps while he had spent time in this wretched cell, the man had swooped in.
And why does that bother ye, Torcall?A voice in his head asked.Ye do nae fancy her, do ye? Ye cannae. Even if ye do escape the clan, yer life is nae here. ‘Tis yer duty to leave as fast as ye can.
Torcall was quick to agree. He didn’t fancy her. He didn’t fancy any woman. Not even Ceana with her gorgeous eyes and lips. His aim was to survive and leave the clan-if he could.
And what if she would leave with ye?Another voice in his head asked.
He didn’t. It wasn’t about her-no. It was about him. He didn’t know how to love a woman. Love wasn’t in it for him. He liked having his freedom. He knew that he alone had his back, and that was enough for him.
Even as Torcall said those words to himself, he remembered how tirelessly she put her life on the line to save him. She didn’t have to, but she did, and even in a time where he couldn’t have his own back, she did.
Torcall sighed. It didn’t matter if he had reasons or not, he said to himself. What mattered was that Ceana wasn’t his and couldn’t be his. He was sure that her new man would care for her, he thought with a bitter feeling in his stomach. And if he didn’t, he would have a talk with Torcall’s sword.
