The Departure
“Are ye sure ye have to go?” Eithne asked though she knew she shouldn’t. She knew that she needed to be strong. She should be waving Ivor and Callum off with a smile and wishes for good fortune.
And yet…
I’ve already lost so much. I dinnae ken that I can survive this loss as well. It’s just too, too much.
Myrna squeezed her hand. Eithne glanced at her sister, truly glad for her presence. It would hurt, yes, but she could live through this as long as she and Myrna were together.
“I have to,” Ivor agreed. There was sadness in his eyes too, but a resolution there as well.
“But we’ll come back and visit!” little Callum said from where he sat on Aibreann’s back. His doll sat in front of him, his dog curled in a carrying bag at his side. “We’ll come and visit. Ivor’s gonnae teach me how to be big and strong.”
Eithne smiled at the child, managing to keep herself from crying. “Aye, he is gonnae do that,” she said. “Ivor’s the best man who could raise ye.”
“I didnae say I was raising him,” Ivor protested, though they all knew there was no truth to it. Eithne’s heart had melted over how much Ivor had come to love the child. The only pain it caused her was that they couldn’t bring him up together. “I could still drop him off with some well-to-do family.”
“But ye willnae,” Callum replied. “Ye like Mossie too much.”
Ivor chuckled. “That’s true.” He turned back to Eithne then. “Eithne, listen, I—”
“Dinnae,” she said, swallowing. It hurt like knives in her throat as she desperately tried to keep the tears away. “Dinnae say anything. We just have to accept that what we had was good while we had it, aye?”
Ivor reached out a hand as if to cup her cheek, but his fingers stopped inches from her face. “Aye,” he said. His arm swung back down by his side as though all the energy had gone out of it. “I hope whatever husband is lucky enough to have ye kens what he’s won.”
Myrna stepped forward then and gave Ivor a brief but affectionate hug. “Take care of yerself,” she said. “And thank ye again for everything ye’ve done for me family and me.”
He smiled, rubbing her hair affectionately. “Look after yer big sister, eh? She’s a bit wild.”
Myrna promised. The goodbyes went on for a little longer, then finally, there was nothing else to be said.
Ivor led Aibreann by the reins, and he and Callum headed off away from the keep, not looking back. He’d only just gotten to the end of the road when Eithne screamed, “Wait!”
Ivor froze, turning his head. Eithne ran toward him, not caring that her dress was getting covered in mud and filth, not caring that people were staring. She ran as fast as she could until she tripped and fell forward into his arms.
“Watch yerself,” he said, sounding fond and exasperated all at once.
She didn’t answer, just reaching up and pulling his face down for one more kiss. When they broke apart, she said, “Let me come with ye.”
She saw the agony in his eyes as he firmly shook his head. “Let me go, Eithne,” he said softly. Then he turned away and took the horse’s reins once more.
Eithne watched him go. He and Callum had long since disappeared over the horizon when Myrna was finally at her side again, leading her gently back to the castle.
“It’s all right, Ennie. It’ll be all right,” the girl kept whispering.
But Eithne felt like nothing would ever be right again.
* * *
Eithne lay awake that night, staring at the ceiling above her and feeling truly lost. She hadn’t realized how lonely a bed could be when one occupied it alone. It felt like there was a giant hole in the air at her side where Ivor had lain for these few glorious nights, holding her in his arms.
How had she ever slept without him? She felt like she could barely remember. She missed his warm breath in her ear and the matching rhythms of their heartbeats; she longed for the softness of his skin against her own.
He told me I should find a husband, yet what husband could ever measure up to him in stature?
Eithne knew she’d never love again. She didn’t think it was even remotely possible to feel such things for someone else. But she also knew that she’d done the right thing by allowing him to go.
She tossed and turned, but the more she tried to sleep, the less it would come. The night was so dark outside that it must be several hours after midnight. The rain, which had started pounding only a couple of hours after Ivor left, was still relentless. Eithne had to sleep, but it wasn’t helping like it once might have as it rattled against the walls. Shehadto sleep. She’d have to be awake in a few hours…
