“Why nae in this life?” Eithne blurted out before she could stop herself. She saw the surprise and some pain flash across his face and scolded herself.
Stupid. That was stupid.
“Well,” Ivor said slowly, “I’m lacking some of the essentials I might need to keep a pair of healthy bairns thriving in this life, I’m afraid.”
“Like what?” Eithne asked, cursing herself with every word she said. It was like something had taken over her mouth, forcing her to speak even though she knew that she should not. “I shouldnae imagine ye lack for much. Ye do such a fine job in yer mercenary work…”
Ivor chuckled. He didn’t seem offended by her clumsy words, for which Eithne thanked God. “Three things, mainly. One, I dinnae have a stable place to live. I cannae settle anywhere, and I willnae bring bairns into this world to live as restless nomads.”
Ye could stay with me, at me uncle’s keep. We could be together.
But she couldn’t say that, of course. The words hung in the air between them, unspoken, speaking of a future that could never come to pass.
“Two, I dinnae have the kind of job that can keep me stable,” he said, putting down two fingers. “I make fine money some months, but I wouldnae want to support bairns on blood money alone.”
“Ye’re nae just a killer though,” Eithne argued. “Ye told me ye try not to kill when ye can avoid it.”
Ivor laughed again, jostling the boy in his arms a little. He took a while to answer, ensuring that both Callum and Mossie were still sound asleep before he continued. “Aye, true,” he agreed, “But it’s still nae ideal. It’s risky to be a faither when ye dinnae ken if ye’ll ever come back to yer family.”
They walked on a little more, the horse’s hooves beside Eithne the only sound in the world. Eventually, she spoke, and her voice shook. “And the third? What’s the third thing ye lack that stops ye from having a family?”
“The one thing I could never give to me bairns,” Ivor said with a sad shrug. “Nae matter how I tried. Especially now. Especially when I’ve found the only one I’d ever consider, and I have to give her away.”
Eithne knew the answer, and it tore her heart apart, but she had to ask anyway. “And what’s that?” she asked quietly.
He looked at her, meeting her eyes, and the pain of their impending situation threatened to overwhelm them both. “Well, a mither, of course,” he said in nearly a whisper.
* * *
“Can I fetch ye anything?”
Myrna blinked, distracted from her thoughts by the voice of the newest soldier in the castle. He was very handsome, and he was young, only a few years older than Myrna herself. He’d come here with his master, who’d had a meeting with her uncle only two days ago, but he’d stayed behind.
“Nay,” she said. “Nay thank ye, Jonah, I’m all right.”
“Well, then, may I keep ye company?” he asked.
She smiled and patted the bench next to her. “Anyone’s free to sit in the library who wishes it,” she teased.
In truth, she was delighted that the young man wanted to keep her company. Jonah was not only easy to look at, but he had a fine laugh and a gentle smile. He was the only person even close to her age in this keep apart from her cousins, and in the two short days since he’d been here, he’d been the only person to make her laugh.
Jonah took a seat next to her and grinned. “Ye looked like ye were in a world all of yer own there,” he said. “Want to share yer thoughts?”
Myrna shook her head. She’d been thinking of the past, of a time her whole family had taken a trip south. It was a good memory, but one that hurt when she thought of it. “Never mind all that,” she said. “What brings ye to the library?”
“Well, usually when someone comes to the library, it’s for books,” Jonah teased. Myrna stuck her tongue out at him, and he laughed. “But today, it’s because someone told me the prettiest woman in Scotland was here.”
“Oh, aye?” Myrna asked, fighting the blush that threatened to overwhelm her cheeks. “And where is she?”
Jonah chuckled. “Nae as close as I’d like.”
The blush caught her then. She felt her neck and cheeks grow warmer and caught the amusement in his eyes.
How blatantly he flirts! I’ve never seen anything like it.
“When’s yer master returning?” she asked him. She knew nothing about the man who Jonah had accompanied here, only that he’d met with her uncle and left Jonah as a show of good faith for some bargain or the other.
Jonah shrugged. “Why? Ye want to be rid of me already?”
