"That beautiful redhead we saw at the park with her kids?"
"Jonas is her son and May is her daughter," she says with a smile. "Ellie lost her sister on the same day that May was born. She still deals with that loss. It's hard for her every year when her sister's birthday comes around."
I'd be broken if Julian died. We're not as close as we once were, but I depend on him to be there. I know he feels the same way about me.
"I'm sorry for her loss."
"I'm sorry for your loss, Brynn." Her voice softens. "I'm sorry your grandma died."
I nod my head silently as I begin to cry. "She died three years ago, Ad."
She taps her index finger on my chest. "Your heart doesn't care about that. It still misses her. It's still angry that she died."
I am still angry. I saw my grandma the day before she died. She was happy and carefree. I remember clearly the last thing she said to me was that she'd see me soon. She passed in her sleep that night from a massive heart attack.
She'd called me Jane when I left her apartment. Her full-time nurse had given me a sympathetic smile as I walked out. Alzheimer's had just taken hold of my grandma, but she was fighting back. She had more good days than bad right before her death.
"Anger is a big part of grief for many people." She looks up at the tiled ceiling before her eyes focus back on me. "I've seen family members scream at each other when they lose a pet. I've watched people tell Dr. Hunt to fuck off. I've even had peopleangry with me because I was in the room when Donovan told them it was time to let go."
I sit on her words for a minute, absorbing them. "Anger is a part of my grief, but I'm not mourning my Grandma Caroline anymore. I can think about her without crying."
"Crying is just a small piece of the emotional puzzle we have to put back together after we suffer a loss." She glances up at the large circular clock on the wall. "Dr. Hunt will be in soon to see Pike but I want you to think about something before you see Smith again."
"I'm seeing him tonight. I'm going over to the brownstone for dinner."
"You're going tothebrownstone for dinner? The one he bought that you wanted?"
"Yes." I flash a weak smile. I haven't had a chance to explain to Adley about my plans for tonight yet. "I'm going to confront him about it all tonight."
"Brynn." She sighs heavily, her jaw tightening. "Do you like this guy?"
"He hurt me," I reply quickly. "I can't like him if he deliberately hurt me."
"Listen to me, carefully." She steps forward and scoops Pike into her own hands. "I think you're misdirecting the anger you feel about Caroline's death. I don't think you're pissed at Smith because he bought a house you wanted. I think you're mad as hell that Caroline died unexpectedly and you're angry with yourself because you think you let her down in some way. You're associating that with Smith because it's easier to deal with than to face what you really feel."
"No," I interrupt in a huff. "You're wrong."
"It's not his fault that she died, Brynn," she says soothingly. "So he bought a house that you wanted? Do you know how shittyyou would have felt after she died being in that house all alone? It would have been pure torture for you."
I've thought about that. I always push those feelings aside and instead dwell on the small amount of time I would have had with my grandma in the house she wanted to live in. I've even tried to convince myself that her heart attack wouldn't have happened if she would have been living in the brownstone. I know it's not true, but the imagined image of her standing at the doorway with Pike in her arms waiting to go in brings me peace.
"It's a house." She enunciates each word. "It's just a house. Think long and hard about whether you're good with tossing this guy out with the trash over this because if you pin him to the wall tonight over a damn brownstone, you're going to lose any shot you have with him. You're pissed off that she's gone. Don't put that on him."
"I'm so mad that she died, Adley," I say through a sob.
"I know you are, sweetie."
What am I supposed to do with all this anger inside of me?" I almost shout, pounding my fist on my chest. "How do I make it go away?"
"You already are." She leans forward to brush her hand over my forehead. "You're talking about it to me. Keep doing that. Go see a therapist if you need to but get it all out, Brynn. Let it go. It's time."
Can I come over now? I know it's not six yet, but there's something I want to talk to you about.
I readmy text message over once more before I finally hit send. It's just past five o'clock and I'm anxious to see Smith. It has nothing to do with the brownstone and everything to do with the conversation I had this morning with Adley.
After Dr. Hunt gave me the good news that Pike is well on the road to recovery I took him for a walk in the park by my place before I dropped him off at home.
I spent the entire afternoon with Sonya Lannen going over my rough ideas for the show suite at The Beryl. She was impressed and told me as much. I was grateful for her kind words and even more thankful that our meeting kept my mind occupied.
