"We'll take care of it, Lainey. And you're mom's right. This will blow over. A few months from now he'll make some other silly choice and they'll forget all about you, okay?" His voice was soothing but it couldn't erase the truth that I was holding back.
I pulled away and looked up at him, no longer fearful of his reaction. He was my father, and no matter what horrible choices I made, I knew he'd love me. The truth would come out, and when it did, he would be upset that I'd kept it hidden for so long, so I just blurted it out.
"I’m pregnant, Dad. This isn't going away! It won’t blow over. They'll follow me the rest of my life because I'm having Kade's baby!"
Now feeling like a round of vomiting was imminent, I stood, causing Dad to take a few steps backward. I rushed to the bathroom, collapsing on the floor on my knees next to the toilet. There was no rush to chase me down, but there was no shouting either.
My stomach emptied itself violently, making my muscles cramp and my breathing difficult. I was a mess of emotion and tears and vomit when Mom opened the door and crouched next to me. She held my hair back, handed me a tissue, and when the worst of it had passed, she offered me a glass of water and a mint.
"Lainey, I'm so proud of you," she said softly. It was such a shocking statement to me that I didn't believe what I heard her say.
"You're what?" I asked, half-expecting Wren to show up behind her and eavesdrop, but we appeared to have privacy.
"Yes, I really am. You know, when I was your age I'd had you already, and Wren. Nate was still only a dream in his father's imagination, but I hadn't done anything with my adult life yet." She took more toilet paper from the roll and handed it to me so I could blow my nose. "But not you.You're stronger than me."
I threw the soiled tissue in the toilet and flushed it, then leaned back against the bathtub and studied her face. "Mom, I'm a screw up. I had my whole life ahead of me and?—"
"No. Don’t you do that to yourself," she chided. I heard the doorbell ring, but she kept talking over it while I strained to hear what was going on. If it was a reporter I was going to throw up again. "Honey, you started your own business, which you're running successfully. You've done night classes while doing that, and you're able to stand on your own two feet, pay your bills on time, and stand up for yourself when life gets unfair to you. I wish I had half your grit."
She squeezed my hand softly, which distracted me momentarily from the soft rumble of male voices coming from the front of the house. I craned my ear and closed my eyes so I could hear better. Kade was there asking Dad if he could speak to me.
"Mom," I whimpered, and she pressed a finger to her lips. When I opened my eyes to plead with her to save me from that conversation for the moment, I saw the quiet confidence in her expression and then I heard Dad's voice rise.
"Mr. Kingston, I'm afraid Lainey isn't in the mood for company right now. I think there's been enough upheaval in her life for a while. I'm sure she'll reach out to you when she's ready."
Tears welled up at how well my father handled that. I'd have been a blubbering, shouting mess. But I was glad he sent Kade away. I didn't know what to say to him right now.
"Let's get you into bed. You can rest in Wren's room for now and we'll get your old bedroom in order..." Mom stood, offering her hand to me.
"But the fundraiser... it's this weekend. How will I get things finished on time? What if reporters show up there?" I accepted her hand and stood, which she used to pull me in for a hug.
"Where do you think you learned to bake, silly?" Mom held me at arm's length. "Wren and I will finish up and get things delivered on time. It's no problem. You are going to take all the time you need to emotionally process this and let some of the buzz die down. That's an order," she said with a smile.
"Thank you," I whispered, pulling her back to myself for another hug.
I didn't know what to think. Everything had erupted so quickly I hadn't had time to process how I actually felt. I wasn’t upset with Kade, but I was upset that the whole world knew my shame. And I wasn't scared anymore to share with my family about the baby, but I was still nervous how Kade would take it. I'd been keeping it from him for a month now, which was way longer than I thought I’d have to. I meant to tell him as soon as the annulment came through, but that was taking too long.
It felt like my lack of ability to speak up for myself, which had started almost a year ago when I realized I wasn’t sure if I was in love with Brandon anymore, had become a snowball that gained momentum and mass the longer it rolled. And It was time to stop the ball from rolling.
As soon as this fundraiser was over, I had to tell Kade everything.
And I had to pray that if we ever had a shot at a real relationship, he would understand and he would finally stand up for me.
Otherwise, I was in this alone. And that scared me.
27
KADE
"But, Mr. Rowan, if you let me explain?—"
"I'm sorry, son," he said, "Lainey isn't accepting visitors."
I stood on the front step outside Lainey's parents' house after having driven out to Boulder City from Vegas just to intercept the bad news, but it appeared it'd left its mark already. Her father was stalwart, refusing to let me get past him, and I was furious. My temper stayed in check, only because I couldn't be upset with any of them. This wasn't her parents' fault, or her siblings, or even Lainey's.
All of this was my fault.
I’d led her to believe we could keep this mess secret when I knew better. The press had been following me around long enough to teach me my lesson, but I’d still believed I was invincible.
