"That's really the baby." She made a few adjustments and the sound got louder. "Everything looks good so far. Your dates line up with what we discussed and you're measuring right on track."
I nodded and kept listening to that sound, trying to memorize it. This was real. I was going to have a baby. No matter what happened with Kade or Brandon or anyone else, I was going to be a mother. It made tears well up in my eyes and I forced myself to blink them back.
The doctor turned off the machine and handed me some paper towels to wipe off the gel. "I'm going to prescribe you something for the nausea. It should help with the morning sickness you've been experiencing. Take it once a day, preferably with food."
"Thank you." I cleaned myself off and pulled my shirt back down over my belly. Right now I could still fit my normal jeans and shirts, but soon I'd have to buy new clothing. That would mean confessing to everyone in my life what was actually happening, and I wasn’t sure I knew how to feel about that. What would Brandon say?
"Now, let's talk about prenatal care." She rolled her chair closer and pulled up a chart on her computer. "You'll need to start taking prenatal vitamins if you haven't already. I recommend one with folic acid and iron. You'll also want to schedule regular appointments every four weeks until you reach your third trimester."
I nodded and tried to focus on what she was saying, but my mind kept drifting. Regular appointments meant regular costs. Prenatal vitamins weren't cheap. And once the baby came, there'd be so much more I'd need to figure out.
"What about the father?" the doctor asked gently. "Will he be involved in the pregnancy?"
My throat tightened and I had to swallow twice before I could answer. "Dad isn't in the picture."
She nodded without judgment and made a note. "That's okay. Plenty of women do this on their own. You'll just want to make sure you have a good support system in place. Family, friends, anyone who can help you through this."
"I have my sister,” I mumbled, "and my parents." Shame warmed my cheeks as I stared down at my hands. I knew Wren would be there no matter what, and eventually my parents would get over the shock and the stigma too and support me. But deep down they weren't the support I knew I'd need. Even if the bakery took off and I was able to pay for everything myself, who would keep it running when I had to take six weeks off with a newborn?
None of this was supposed to happen like this.
"That's good." She printed out some papers and handed them to me. "Here's information about local support groups for single mothers, and some resources for financial assistance if you need it. Don't hesitate to reach out if you have questions or concerns."
I took the papers and thanked her, then scheduled my next appointment at the front desk. When I walked out to my car, I sat behind the wheel for a long moment before starting the engine. When I was younger and I thought about how I'd live, I’dplanned a life with my best friend, getting married, having kids. We had it all figured out. How easily one tiny choice in the spur of the moment could change everything...
I'd lost the relationship I thought would last forever. Brandon and his family, the future we'd planned together, all of it was gone. The future I imagined was a figment of my imagination, that I had to mourn and grieve the way I would a lost loved one. It left a hollow place in my chest that ached, though I knew I wasn’t alone.
Soon I'd have a baby who would keep me up at night and demand my attention. I'd love him or her and they'd love me back, and life would shift and change. Every day I got farther away from the reality I had hoped for once upon a time. I'd forge a new future. It would just look different than the one I thought I'd have.
I drove back to the bakery and pulled into the parking lot just as my staff was closing up for the day. I waved to them as they left and then went inside to double check things and lock up. I was just moving to clean up the coffee station in the front when the door opened and Brandon walked in.
He was the last person I'd expected to see, and after the emotional day I'd had, I wasn't sure how I felt about him being here. But as I looked at his face and saw genuine uncertainty there, I realized it wasn't horrible to see him. Not after feeling so alone all day. We were messy and we were distant, but we weren't enemies. We’d just broke the strings that had held us together, but that didn't make him a bad person. He was still the man who'd been my best friend for six years.
"Hi," he said, stopping just inside the door. "I hope it's okay that I came by."
"It's fine." I moved to the display case and grabbed two danishes, then poured us each a cup of coffee from the pot I was ready to dump out. "Want to sit?"
He nodded and we settled at one of the small tables near the window. The comfortable connection we'd had for most of a decade was gone, replaced by a stiff, awkward silence as we stared at each other. But under it all, he was still Brandon and I was still Lainey. I just knew we'd never find our way back to being Brandon and Lainey.
"I'm sorry," he finally said. "For running off and treating you the way I did. It was really immature of me to be so angry at you when I did the same thing to you. Worse, actually."
I took a sip of coffee and let his words sink in. "Thank you for saying that."
"I mean it." He leaned forward and his expression was earnest. "I was hurt and I lashed out, and that wasn't fair. You didn't deserve that."
"No, I didn't." I broke off a piece of the danish and ate it, more for something to do with my hands than because I was hungry. "But I wasn't exactly perfect either. I should've talked to you about how I was feeling instead of running away at the wedding."
"Maybe." He smiled sadly. "But I also should've told you about what happened at the bachelor party. If I'd been honest from the start, maybe none of this would've happened."
We sat in silence for another moment, and I felt years of history between us slowly slipping away. All the good times we'd had, all the plans we'd made, all the ways we'd fit together when we were younger. It had been real once, even if it wasn't anymore.
"Do you think there's any way we can fix what happened?" he asked quietly. "Start over, maybe?" Brandon's eyes pleaded with me, but my heart sank.
My withdrawal from his life didn’t start when I found out he'd hurt me. It had started months before that when I realized I was changing, and what I wanted from my life was changing. We weren't compatible anymore, and I didn't feel guilty about that. "No, I don't think we can."
His face fell and I reached across the table to touch his hand.
"But that doesn't mean we didn't have a good run," I continued. "We had six years together, Brandon. Six really good years. I'm so thankful you were in my life for that long. You helped shape who I am, and I'll always appreciate that."
