PROLOGUE
Lainey
My makeup sponge scraped across my face as I worked it hard. With only moments to go before my father knocked on the door and told me it was time to walk down the aisle, I was panicking. Though the entire day had felt off-kilter, anyway.
"Dear, you're going to make your face raw. You look so beautiful already. I don't know why you’re doing that."
I scowled at my future mother-in-law, Murial’s, reflection in the mirror, but stopped short of making gagging noises. The makeup artist Brandon hired to do my hair and makeup today had been a disaster. I couldn't get her out of there fast enough.
"Mom," I huffed, turning toward my mother, who stood at my right hand holding my bouquet. The whole afternoon she'd been right there beside me, nudging my best friend Mandy out at times and making Wren sit back and watch. Her baby girl was getting married today, and she was just as much of a nervous wreck as I was.
"I'm right here, baby," Mom cooed. "You look beautiful now. Okay? It's all better." She held out the expensive long-stemmed white roses—purchased at Brandon's insistence, because God forbid I try to choose any flower that cost less than twelve dollars each—and I took them with trembling hands.
Murial sighed and backed away, giving me the same look her son always gave me when he was disappointed with my reaction. But I wasn’t marrying her. I was marrying Brandon and after dating him for so long, I already knew how to handle his mother.
"Can you see if they're ready?" I asked her, trying to make her feel important. Like a magic switch was flipped, she nodded and scurried off with a smile on her face.
But the instant she was gone, Mandy was there, fussing over my veil. "Babe, you're acting weird. Are you okay?" Her black hair dusted her eyebrows as she gave me a worried look. "You've been looking forward to this since you were a freshman in high school."
The guilt was consuming. Mandy was right. I took the flowers and turned away from both of them, tugging at the ridiculously beaded gown Brandon had insisted I wear. Apparently it was tradition in his family to make the bride gain fifty pounds just because she put on a dress. It wasn’t that I didn't like the gown or hated white roses. I just wasn't sure this was even what I wanted.
"I'm fine," I told her for the umpteenth time, but the gaudy and pricey dress was on the verge of making me cry. The thing cost more than my car did. I felt so out of place walking down the aisle to marry my high school sweetheart wearing it. I wanted simple and tactful, not this. Not any of this.
"What's wrong, honey?" Mom stood behind me with her hands resting on my shoulders, watching my face shift in the mirror.
How did I, the goody-two-shoes of this family, tell my mother that after dating my boyfriend-turned-fiancé for the past seven years, I no longer knew if I wanted to marry him? And on my wedding day while I stood in the dress, no less?
"Oh God," Mandy groaned. "You're gonna back out..."
"No!" I hissed, rounding on her. The dress made it difficult to move, but I managed to toss it aside and suck in a few deep breaths. "I'm just... nervous."
"Oh, baby," Mom mewled, pulling me into her arms with a smile. "Every bride gets nervous on her wedding day. You're worried about if guests will like the food, and if the music will be right, and how your wedding night will go and?—"
"Mom, God!" Mortified, I pulled away from her and shoved the roses into Mandy's hands as she snickered. My cheeks burned under my hands as I covered my face. I wasn't a virgin by any means, but Brandon was my only partner. We’d made that pact when we were still just teens. It was the least of my worries about today.
"Sorry, dear, it's just a normal part of life that?—"
"Mom, please. I'm not worried about my wedding night." I shot Mandy a pleading expression and she saved me.
"I think Bridezilla is trying to say that she hasn't eaten, her blood sugar is deathly low, and she's ready to get hitched and party." Mandy winked at me. "And I'm starving too, so let's get a move on."
I whimpered under my breath and took the bouquet back from her as she ushered my mother out the door, leaving me standing there ready to cry.
It was like my entire life passed before my eyes. Every dance, every school event, I never had to ask for a date. I never had to wonder like other girls if I'd end up being alone. Brandon had been a constant in my life since I was fourteen. We were best friends. We did everything together, we grew up together, and we were each other's first and only when it came to so many things. It was a fairy tale I should've been happy with, but I wasn't.
I’d woken up two days ago realizing I’d never done an adventurous thing in my life, and once things got rolling, I never would. Murial would plant seeds in Brandon's head about grandbabies and a white picket fence, and I'd end up barefoot and pregnant, trapped in a three bedroom high-rise condo overlooking the Grand Canyon while Brandon played pro ball for the Cardinals or something.
Dream life?
When Mandy returned to my side, her eyes were accusatory. "I swear, you need to tell me what's going on."
There was nowhere to sit down. I had to stand and take this like a man, and I hated it.
"Gah!" I grunted and felt like collapsing. This was supposed to be the happiest day of my life and it was turning into my worst nightmare. There were too many doubts. It was happening too fast. I wasn't ready.
"I'm not ready. I don't think this is the right choice, Man. I've never had a chance to be me and find out what I really want.Now I’m just supposed to walk down the aisle and marry him? But what if I don’t want to be the good girl anymore and I want something crazy?"
"Woah, babe, slow down…. You love Brandon." Her eyebrows dipped and she took my hand, clutching it tightly.
